It all started innocently enough - my horror story.

You just cannot run out of toilet paper - because it's just wrong.

So one fine sunny day, on my way home, I knew all I had was what was hanging on the roll in the bathroom, and that was almost finished. It meant I HAD to, no matter what else I did, stop and buy more.

I stopped in a little shop, and taken in by a pretty pink wrapper - a color rarely seen on toilet paper packaging, I gave it the squeeze test and it passed. Plus it was on sale - real cheap! Why not get a two-fer? I did. It was only after using up the first roll, and unwrapping the second roll, that I decided to use that wrapper as temporary reading material.

Turns out it was an unknown brand, made in China - and you probably think this is where my horror story begins. But it doesn't. However, I decided to never buy it again, even though I had no problems with it. It was actually nice toilet paper; it did everything it said it would do. But I was concerned. What if I have a problem with it? There would be no way I could sue for being maimed, or slowly poisoned by lead. As a result, I would be made a laughing stock in my community, and called a Big Cheapo Type Person.

No, this was too delicate an area(s) to take chances with, literally, so from then on I decided to buy only well-known, major US/American brands of toilet paper. And this is where the horror story begins.

This particular familiar brand claimed to be interested in the environment; it even had a new wrapper. Even better, it was hypoallergenic, almost lint free, whitened without chlorine, no dye or fragrance added, and yes, pretty cheap too. By being a good citizen and buying this product, I would help save a million trees! Well, okay then.

I don't know exactly what day the itching began because I think the effect is cumulative - as long as you don't wake up screaming you can pretty much ignore some minor itching. But, I didn't know what was causing it. Surely that magnificent tree-saving-toilet-paper could not be the culprit.

All I know is that there came a time, recently, that I was itching so much - in 2 areas, being that I am a woman - that I was ready to give up on ever bothering to get out of a tub of warm soaking water and go out in the world and attempting to function. What in the world was happening to me?

The internet revealed all sorts of possibilities for the itching but none mentioned toilet paper. And they were all quite clear with explanations that applied to only one area - but not both.

Was I eating too much ice cream and sugar? So I cut back. And no, I wasn't using a new detergent, or new bath oil or soaps. Could it be those black polyester pants I wore sometimes? - but that non-natural fiber never bothered me before - as long as it wasn't too hot out. To be safe, I only wore cotton and summer weight wool pants. Still no good. No relief. No peace did I find.

How do you keep a straight face while all this is going on? Aargh!!!!

It was shea butter that finally helped me figure out what was causing this unbearable itching - in two places being that I am a woman. I'm convinced that shea butter is the best thing on earth and for healing - it works, it has always worked. I used it and felt instant relief and was able to sleep through the night and not wake up...screaming, confused, and itching. But while the shea butter offered relief and a good night's sleep - the itching came back. More shea butter meant more relief but the itching always came back. Well, finally, an 'aha' moment.

If the itching kept coming back - it meant I was doing something over and over and over - and what else could that be...but...using that toilet paper?

After an unbearable Saturday night, piling on the shea butter, pacing the floor, staying up later than ever (whew!) I was at the supermaket Sunday at 8 a.m. - the moment the doors opened. I didn't even look for a bargain toilet paper. I bought a familiar brand - paying more than I normally liked to and sprinted home.

Now the test. The amazing results. The results were almost immediate. I could almost hear 'sighs' coming from two places down there.

It has been only 1 1/2 days now. It is Monday evening as I write this and I am a new confident woman. This instant relief, this change is drastic - there is virtually no more itching. I'm functioning at a 90% itch free existence I'd say.

This means without a doubt, that 'green' toilet paper was...what? Is what? A marketing ploy to get us to buy? Is it not unlike those 'green' bulbs we are supposed to buy to save on energy and maybe we will - but reports out of England are showing that they have very high ultra violet rays and are harmful to the skin of people with sensitive skin and certain diseases (see link below).

I write this article because I know we all want to do the right thing and give our earth a break - but how can we be sure we are not falling for a hyped up product? The fact remains - we are an economy based on consumerism and driven by profit not quality. But fortunately, with the internet, we can be safe, we can share information.

I write this artcle, too, because some of you may be suffering as I was and not know why. You may start thinking something is wrong with you (and not the product) and start buying salves and ointments - well, now you can save your money.

After getting some relief I was able to sit still long enough yesterday to do research on the internet. I came across a guy with his own website that reported that this particular brand was itching the heck out of his sphincter (that's such a great word). A number of men responded by saving various brands were giving them problems as well. I responded too, telling them that as a woman I was doubly affected.

If you find yourself suddenly suffering from a chronic ailment, please take a moment to figure out what it is you are doing over and over. For example:

- several years ago, I was suddenly doubled over with stomach cramps. I am not a woman who has ever suffered from stomach cramps. Perhaps, it was something I ate that day, perhaps, a touch of food poisoning. But the next day, I had the worst stomach cramps again. While suffering, I decided then and there for the third day in a row, I would take another one of those new 'major name brand super-multi daily vitamins created just for women.' I needed those vitamins to build up my immunity to handle whatever this was that was causing me such pain. Shortly, thereafter, when I took another vitamin, I was doubled over again. Of course! The vitamins! The next day, I did not take one - no stomach cramps. I never took them again - and have not had the problem again.

I don't think HubPages is the right forum to name brand names as I suspect there may be several companies making this type of toilet paper and I will sit down (because I can now) and write an email - and expect a response.

Meanwhile, here is a bit of information for you to enjoy about some of the highlights of toilet paper:

Toilet paper was first produced in China - for the emperor’s use in 1391 - made in 2’ by 3’ sheets.

1857 - Joseph Gayetty sells the first factory-made toilet paper (loose, flat sheets of paper), that were pre-moistened with aloe. His name was printed on every sheet.

1872 - John Kimberly, H. Babcock, Charles Clark, and F. Shattuck opened Kimberly Clark and Company.

Several sources attribute the rolled and perforated toilet paper that we know today to the Albany Perforated Wrapping (A.P.W.) Paper Company in 1877.

It wasn’t until 1935, that Northern Tissue advertised “splinter free” toilet paper. Early production processes sometimes left splinters embedded in the paper.(Good Grief!)

In 1945, the St. Andrew’s Paper Mill in Great Britain introduced two-ply toilet paper.

There is now an online museum dedicated to toilet paper - The Virtual Toilet Paper Museum opened its virtual doors in 1999.

What did people use before then: it seems - whatever they wanted, or was available such as grass, leaves, fur, corn cobs. It is said that the ancient Greeks used stones and pieces of clay, ancient Romans used sponges on ends of sticks kept in jars filled with salty water.

In early America, pages from newspapers and magazines were commonly used. The Sears catalogue was well-known for this purpose and even produced humorous spin-offs such as a “Rears and Sorebutt” catalogue.

The reason the Farmer’s Almanac had a hole in it was so it could be hung on a hook and pages easily torn off.

Here's hoping you are itch-free and will continue to share your experiences so we can all be better informed! (And yes, those red bugs are used in food for coloring - see link).