Divorce is not always a bad thing

Divorce, it is something that no one wants to talk about, but the reality is that in today's world it is more common than not. This is a subject that my husband and I talked a lot about prior to our marriage. I came from "Beaver Cleaver" land, while he was from a split home. He has 2 younger siblings (both full siblings, not half or step) and then 3 step siblings from when his father remarried. While my family is still together the thing to remember is that they are happy that way. If they were not I would recommend that they look at their options. My brother and I are older and out of the house. But if we were still in the house it would be even more reason to look closely at the options.

My husband was the oldest of the family, his mother had him when she was 17, and yes it was a shot gun wedding. Well his father wanted to marry his mother, but there was "no choice" after Jason was conceived. Many now don't get married to get the money from the government, the alternative is that you get married because of the child. As adults we think we are doing the right thing... After all, it is better for a child to have both parents in the house right? Wrong!

My husband has said MANY MANY times that his family would have been better off without the marriage in the first place, and definitely would have been better off if they had divorced prior to having 2 more children. His siblings were born with the intention that they would "save" his parents relationship... it didn't work.

Kids are NOT stupid. If there are problems in the home they see it and understand it often times before the parents realize how bad it really is. This is often harder on the child than splitting. You have to look at how well you can get along. I am not saying love eachother, I am saying get a long. If you can't get a long you need to separate, children will see any and all negativity and feed on it. If you can't get over yourselves for you, you need to get over yourselves for your children. The stigma is not what it was, but if you can make it work, then you owe it to yourself and your marriage to try. If you can't try or don't want to, then you need to look at the way you handle it.

With that being said the split also needs to happen in a certain way, you have to put aside your dislike for each-other and put the children first. They already know you can't get along, they see that... don't put them in the middle of adult issues that they have no place in, either trying to keep it together or help you get over being apart.