Face Book connecting with friends and distant relatives is a wonderful thing. A chance to catch up with high school friends. What if an old high school flame contacted you? Would you accept the friendship? I know, what's the harm in talking with someone from your past right? No big deal, it's not like your having sex with the person right? When you make and accept the person ask yourself this number one question. If your partner started to connect with an old flame again, how would that make you feel? Would you want that person to be in your partners life again? This is happening right now as I am writing this. I know when you open the door to intimacy with someone other than your husband or wife, you are asking for trouble in your marriage.

I know someone let's call her Pam. Pam's been married now 14yrs. She is happy, has three children decided to go on Face book to hook up with old high school friends. Sounds pretty normal right? Her husband is ok with it. Pam checked her Face Book one day and was surprised to get a request from her first love Bob. She accepted. She also told her husband about it. Over the last few weeks Bob has been leaving her e-mails and lots of messages. He wants to be friends . He's been telling Pam all about his crummy relationships and how its hard to find someone. They start reminiscing about old times and how back then he really cared for her but knows she is happy in her marriage. Pam thinks it's ok were just friends she tells everyone. The only thing she isn't telling everyone including her husband is that Bob now has her phone number and he's been texting her 24 seven. Leaving her beautiful messages, leaving her voicemails just wanting to be her friend and talk. STOP!!!!!!!!!!!! this is where it all starts.

Pam is letting him in. I try to warn Pam. We go to karaoke for a girls night out and find out Bob is going to come up there. Do you still think no big Deal? This happens on a gradient. Intimacy is what starts an affair. Plain and simple. If Pam's husband was coming I wouldn't think it was a big deal, but Pam's husband was not invited. After this I talk with Pam to tell her to stop and evaluate what is happening. She confides in me to tell me she still has some feelings for Bob. She knows she is married and does love her husband but can't help the feelings she has. She says she will not act on them. I tell Pam disconnect with him immediately because she is having an emotional affair. She tells me I am crazy to think that way she is not going to sleep with him. It does not matter guys or women. If you allow yourself to be more intimate with someone other than your spouse, face the music you are having an affair.

My only advice is for you to is to seek a counselor before it's to late. There is a reason that this person is an old flame to begin with. It's ok to have friendships as long as your spouse is included and knows. I personally have one man as a friend my husband. He is my Best friend. Start spending time with your spouse and communicate with them. Starting something else is not the answer. Work it out with the woman or man you already have in your life. Everyone has problems. If you think its going to be better with someone else, you are wrong. Every-one's circumstance is different. Try Christian marriage counseling. Trust me I know I have been thru marriage counseling. You will learn more about yourself than you realize and you will learn more about your partner as well. You will have problems with a new partner too. Start working on yourself spiritually and you and your relationship will come alive again. When you work at it you will see the reward in the end.

It's not Face Book that is ruining marriages. It's the way people think and act. Ethics and morals this is what makes the difference. Talk with your partner and set boundaries. Its not ok to be texting behind your partners back. If your partner was right there would you be acting this way? Start texting your partner and bring up the communication with him or her, see what happens. Start working on your relationship instead of doing things that take you away from it. As far as Pam is concerned I voiced my opinion and I hope my words got thru to her. I will keep you updated.

Have fun with Face Book and use it wisely!

Sincerely,

Sandy