Is forgive and forget really possible?
50Love gone wrong.
Everyone has been done wrong by someone or if your me several people in their lifetime. But is there such a thing as forgive and/or forget? Does it really affect future relationships with anyone involved in your life? Well, that all depends on you.
Personally, I can tell you that since birth I have experienced physical abuse, mental abuse, neglect, and sexual abuse. My mother made it aware to me that she regretted giving birth to me by doing the first three forms of abuse I mentioned as a child. Someone very close to the family sexually abused me. My first born's father did all three.
For years I allowed those terrible experiences dictate my life. I must tell you that if you continue to hold on to them they will destroy your future and you will be giving the abuser satisfaction until your last breath.
You are much stronger than what you give yourself credit for. Pray for strength and wisdom to overcome your struggles and pain. Join a support group in your area. Don't hold your pain in or it will keep you from your true and well deserved life of happiness.
I have forgiven my mother for what she has done to my sister and I while we were children. Although, I believe she is in denial about the way we were treated. In her eyes she raised us to the best of her ability. She and my grandmother were raised in similar situations. I have to say that I broke the cycle of abuse in my family and refuse to ever allow my children to feel unwanted, stupid, or unattractive. Like I said I forgave her but I doubt I will ever forget.
The sexual abuse and domestic abuse go hand in hand for me, I am still working on forgiving via God. I can not honestly say that I will be able to forgive nor forget but I no longer allow them to affect my life or my happiness.
Regardless of what type of pain someone has caused you in the past holding grudges and being resentful is unhealthy. Utilize the pain as learning leasons and stop the cycle. Remember you control your own happiness. Make smart choices and grow in a positive way.
I pray for all of us every day and that those who have been through what I have endured heal with ease.
God bless and keep your head up.
Moving forward in life with a positive outlook helps battle the past and conquer fears of the future. -Michelle Lee
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Comments
Abuse or domestic violence is a learned behavior. This is why I refused to raise another abuser and moved myself and my son at an early age as far away from his own father as I could. I had to leave all I've ever known and love behind. I am finally going back to visit after eight long years. This will be the first time I have seen my grandmother since the day I left.
On Good Friday, my mother called my siblings and I together to have a sit down talk about this issue. She wanted us to talk out some of our hurts with one another, forgive them and move on. I have a 38 yo sister and 34yo brother. I am 40. At first, we all balked at having to do this. But we now all agree, for our family, it was the best thing. We met at my mother and had our father on speakerphone. The rules were to stay civil and respectful and just get off whatever issue that was weighting us down and bring some closure to it.
For example, I had an issue with my sister (no details) and told her. She listened, responded her opinion and we agreed to disagree and leave that issue alone. No yelling, no name-calling! Just being able to talk and be heard. It really worked wonders for us all. We were able to talk as the family we were meant to be. We had been so close before our parents divorce and afterwards we started to drift apart. We have gone years without speaking to one another.
We lost my sister's daughter in February and through that sadness, a silver lining of love forged through our family. My brother quit his job and moved back to Ohio after living away from us all since 17 years. We started spending more time together and actually talking about things. Good old Mom must have seen through some of the crap and just said lets do this right.
It was great to hear our parents being civil with one another and happy that the other was doing well. Just to be able to say how you feel about whatever and not be judged was a freeing experience. These are the people that are suppose to have your back regardless. No, we did not come out agreeing with everything, but there was at least an understanding.
Forgiving is the easy part to me, it is the forgetting that gets me in trouble. I tend to let things eat at me and turn inward. I become a recluse and do not want to be bothered with anyone. That is my way of coping. But my family was able to say, NO. We love you and want you to tell us what is going on. I do not want my past to dictate my future, but I do want to learn from it. I do not want to teach my daughter my lack of coping because she is better than that. So am I, for that matter. Sometimes it is a trust issue as well. There is a certain amount of hurt that we all must go through, to be the people we are meant to be. But there is only so much a person can take. That is when it is time to rise up and take no more!! Be it through faith, pray, religion or what have you, you will not hurt anymore!!
WOW! LEEFAM324..did you have something on your mind? Long but good comment! LOL
Moving forward is the key. good subject as most of us have some form of experience and can relate. Thank you for sharing. C.S.
JONI says:
2 years ago
YOU ARE SO RIGHT. TELLING YOURSELF YOUR ARE STRONG, EVERYDAY WILL EMPOWER YOU, ASKING FOR HELP FROM ANYONE WHO IS ABLE TO DIRECT YOU IS VERY SCARY, BUT AFTER THE FIRST TIME, IT BECOMES SECOND NATURE. EVERY PERSON DESERVES TO FEEL SAFE IN THEIR HOME, AND WHEN DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHATTERS THIS, YOU HAVE TO DO WHAT EVER YOU HAVE TO DO TO MAKE A PLAN AND GET OUT. IN MY CASE, I AM NO LONGER SPEAKING TO HALF MY FAMILY, AND DROPPED A LOT OF FRIEND, BECAUSE OF THE WAY THE MINIMIZED THE ABUSED, AND SOMEHOW ALWAYS BLAMED ME. THEY HAD TO GO, WHILE I WAS GETTING MYSELF TOGETHER!!!!!!!!!! THANK YOU FOR KEEPING HOPE ALIVE FOR THE THOUSANDS STILL TRAPPED IN THIS MISERY!!!!!!!!!!!