Is getting divorced always a bad thing?
71I am closing a half century. A long time with inbred and conforming to my down-to-earth catholic ways. I can remember learning, as young as 7 years of age, that divorce was a no-no in catholicism. However, little was I to know that I would be divorced twice before my 50th birthday.
So how do I see divorce as a fully staunch, not wanting to change, true to the bone, Roman Authodox (Commonly known as Catholic)?
From a totally different view to many people today. I still believe it is a no-no, no matter what your views may be.
Divorce as early as Moses's time was man and not God ordained. If you read the words of Moses he is quite clear that God allowed it due to the "Hardness of man's heart". God is not a God of change and would never have allowed divorce had it not been seen as possibly necessary to man or at the time his chosen people.
However, today we have many diverse religions and sects that would argue differently. So let's have a look at my view, which is open to discussions that I would eagerly enter into when the times come.
Divorce is many cases is very necessary. Why do I say this? Their would be more people killed had we outlawed Divorce entirely. King Henry VIII could not get his way to divorce due to dogmatics laws by the then Catholic Church. He chose his own way to remove his wife. As soveriegn he could do virtually anything. He declared a law, had his wife found guilty of treason, and had her beheaded. The best divorce ever.
Today it isn't that easy. As I have already said. I am now going through my second divorce. And to this day I still do not believe in divorce. I will rather take the punishment of making a wrong decision than institute divorce procedings against my spouse.
A lot of couples today will not get divorced because of the children. How do you think your children feel when you and your spouse are continuing to get under each other's skin? They also feel the tension. They also feel the anger and hatred among the two of you. I believe it's more unfair to the children if you reremain married.
Many. like myself, will remain married for the sake of our beliefs. I have found this one to be suicidal.
My first marriage was a fairly happy one. I was content with what I had and her security levels were easy to maintain. We were married just short of 18 years with the first 15 being absolute bliss. The last three the trust had been broken and although I was still happy to be married, the mistrust took it's toll on me. I could not trust her as she was having an extra marital affair. I could prove it but because I was a staunch Catholic I was prepared to overlook it. It tears at your heart and you would like to continue loving her but you cannot get yourself to do it. You keep seeing the "other" man in her life. After three years she had had enough and ran away with him. She instituted the process as I still would not.
I had many friends and one in particular decided to make her shoulders available to me and assisted me through the process. She was available to me and she opened her heart to listen. I got through the first marriage and divorce with fiew wounds. Today we have reconcilled and become friends.
So why after close on 18 years of marriage with a break up like I had would I want to get married again?
God only knows!
I was divorced six years before I tied the knot for the second time. I became very lonely and decided I was ready for marriage once again. once again I entered into marriage believing I would be married until "I shuttled my mortal coil off this God foresaken earth".
Two month into my marriage I realised I had made a horrible mistake. How was I going to get out of this one. The Pope had given me leeway on my first marriage. He certainly would not on the second. This was a nightmare I would have to live with for the rest of my breathing days.
Already into the fourth month I was accused of having affairs. I had made the mistake of stopping her working and she had all day to think up what I had been doing for the day.
Let me put you in the picture. I am a Human Resources Legal Practitioner. I work solidly for approximately 18 hours a day. I travel plus minus 8000 to 10000 kilometres every month, on buses. I sleep mostly on the buses themselves. I do not have a license as it had been suspended. I have sleep apnea. Which means I have no transport of my own. I have 200 clients nationwide. I would say 90% are happy with my performance. I don't have time to have extra marital affairs.
Every time I came home she would find something new to argue about. Every time I was due to go home I wanted to find another job to do. Eventually I was staying away from home for very long periods. I was getting more fatigued and ill. But I continued to work as I was happy around my clients. It had to end somewhere.
Four days before the first wedding anniversary she disappeared for good. I have cell phone contact with her but have no idea where she is. I was shocked at the fact she could openly lie to me about being at home. I came home 17 days after she had moved out lock stock and barrel. I was totally relieved.
She has made many attempts to come home. She deserted the marriage thus committing the divorce, although not on paper. February 26, 2009 I will be on track to being a free person once again. Will I remarry? I don't know. I will have a long break this time and I will go through a proper engagement to learn my new partner, when the time comes.
After reading my experiences in my two marriages we tend to realise that divorce in many cases is definitely necessary and not a bad thing after all.
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I thought this press release which I recently sent out was related to this conversation. What do you think? Rosalind Sedacca
Author says Divorce Doesn’t Scar Children – Selfish Parents Do!
West Palm Beach, FL: Author Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is out to set the record straight. She says divorce doesn’t scar children. It’s selfish parents, blind-sighted by their emotions that do the damage.
Sedacca wants to clear the air and challenge those who insist that no divorce is a good divorce. She questions the misguided belief that children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And she cringes at the thought that parents should – for the sake of the kids – just stick it out and not get divorced until the children are grown.
A divorced parent herself, Sedacca is very compassionate toward all children of divorce. She understands why grown children of divorce are particularly vehement in their anti-divorce perspective. “Too many of these adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that can come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result,” she says.
But the blame, Sedacca emphasizes, rests entirely on the shoulders of parents who did divorce “wrong.” She says it’s not divorce that harms children. It’s wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting the children the love.
It’s vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids.
It’s parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid’s relationship with their other parent.
It’s parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love both Mom and Dad.
It’s parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it’s selfish parents who put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions.
When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up scarring innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and even decades ahead.
“It is not divorce per se,” says Sedacca, “but the divorce of two parents so enraged by each other that they make decisions based on blind hatred rather than conscious compassion for their children.”
Sedacca is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of a new digital guidebook for parents based on her own personal experience with divorce. Her son, who was eleven at the time, is now grown and wrote the Forward to How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
What makes her book unique is that it doesn’t just tell parents what to say. It says it for them! She uses fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals around the world have endorsed the ebook, attesting to the value of Sedacca’s innovative storybook approach. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well.
Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children. Then they can move ahead in creating a Child-Centered Divorce that is focused on putting their children’s emotional and physical needs first through compassionate and respectful co-parenting.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Her free articles, ezine, blog, coaching, teleseminars and other valuable resources for parents facing, moving through or transitioning after divorce can be found at: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
I thought this press release which I recently sent out was related to this conversation. What do you think? Rosalind Sedacca
Author says Divorce Doesn’t Scar Children – Selfish Parents Do!
West Palm Beach, FL: Author Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is out to set the record straight. She says divorce doesn’t scar children. It’s selfish parents, blind-sighted by their emotions that do the damage.
Sedacca wants to clear the air and challenge those who insist that no divorce is a good divorce. She questions the misguided belief that children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And she cringes at the thought that parents should – for the sake of the kids – just stick it out and not get divorced until the children are grown.
A divorced parent herself, Sedacca is very compassionate toward all children of divorce. She understands why grown children of divorce are particularly vehement in their anti-divorce perspective. “Too many of these adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that can come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result,” she says.
But the blame, Sedacca emphasizes, rests entirely on the shoulders of parents who did divorce “wrong.” She says it’s not divorce that harms children. It’s wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting the children the love.
It’s vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids.
It’s parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid’s relationship with their other parent.
It’s parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love both Mom and Dad.
It’s parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it’s selfish parents who put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions.
When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up scarring innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and even decades ahead.
“It is not divorce per se,” says Sedacca, “but the divorce of two parents so enraged by each other that they make decisions based on blind hatred rather than conscious compassion for their children.”
Sedacca is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of a new digital guidebook for parents based on her own personal experience with divorce. Her son, who was eleven at the time, is now grown and wrote the Forward to How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
What makes her book unique is that it doesn’t just tell parents what to say. It says it for them! She uses fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals around the world have endorsed the ebook, attesting to the value of Sedacca’s innovative storybook approach. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well.
Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children. Then they can move ahead in creating a Child-Centered Divorce that is focused on putting their children’s emotional and physical needs first through compassionate and respectful co-parenting.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Her free articles, ezine, blog, coaching, teleseminars and other valuable resources for parents facing, moving through or transitioning after divorce can be found at: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
I thought this press release which I recently sent out was related to this conversation. What do you think? Rosalind Sedacca
Author says Divorce Doesn’t Scar Children – Selfish Parents Do!
West Palm Beach, FL: Author Rosalind Sedacca, CCT, is out to set the record straight. She says divorce doesn’t scar children. It’s selfish parents, blind-sighted by their emotions that do the damage.
Sedacca wants to clear the air and challenge those who insist that no divorce is a good divorce. She questions the misguided belief that children are always and inevitably harmed by the physical and emotional separation of their parents. And she cringes at the thought that parents should – for the sake of the kids – just stick it out and not get divorced until the children are grown.
A divorced parent herself, Sedacca is very compassionate toward all children of divorce. She understands why grown children of divorce are particularly vehement in their anti-divorce perspective. “Too many of these adults have experienced the dramatic life changes that can come with divorce and feel permanently scarred as a result,” she says.
But the blame, Sedacca emphasizes, rests entirely on the shoulders of parents who did divorce “wrong.” She says it’s not divorce that harms children. It’s wounded parents who do not care, understand or see that their behavior is hurting the children the love.
It’s vindictive parents who put down the other spouse in front of their kids.
It’s parents who decide they should have sole custody or primary influence over the children with little regard as to the kid’s relationship with their other parent.
It’s parents who confide their adult dramas to innocent children who just want to love both Mom and Dad.
It’s parents who put financial gain and material decisions over the emotional well-being of their children.
In essence, it’s selfish parents who put their own needs ahead of those of their totally dependent children when making life-altering parental decisions.
When these parents get a divorce, the consequences are not only sad. Too often they end up scarring innocent psyches. They forget -- or are ignorant about -- how their decisions will affect their children in the months, years and even decades ahead.
“It is not divorce per se,” says Sedacca, “but the divorce of two parents so enraged by each other that they make decisions based on blind hatred rather than conscious compassion for their children.”
Sedacca is the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of a new digital guidebook for parents based on her own personal experience with divorce. Her son, who was eleven at the time, is now grown and wrote the Forward to How Do I Tell the Kids about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love!
What makes her book unique is that it doesn’t just tell parents what to say. It says it for them! She uses fill-in-the-blank age-appropriate templates to show parents how to create a storybook sharing family photos and history as a successful way to have the tough break-the-news conversation.
Therapists, attorneys, mediators, educators and other professionals around the world have endorsed the ebook, attesting to the value of Sedacca’s innovative storybook approach. Six therapists contribute their expertise to the book, as well.
Her purpose is to raise the consciousness of divorcing couples so they will stop, talk and create a caring plan of action before having that first crucial conversation with their children. Then they can move ahead in creating a Child-Centered Divorce that is focused on putting their children’s emotional and physical needs first through compassionate and respectful co-parenting.
* * *
Rosalind Sedacca, CCT is a Certified Corporate Trainer, founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network and author of the new ebook, How Do I Tell the Kids … about the Divorce? A Create-a-Storybook Guide to Preparing Your Children -- with Love! Her free articles, ezine, blog, coaching, teleseminars and other valuable resources for parents facing, moving through or transitioning after divorce can be found at: www.childcentereddivorce.com.
© Rosalind Sedacca 2009. All rights reserved.
I have to agree 100% with Rosalind Sedacca. Children are usually, not always, scarred through neglectful parents. I don't have the knowledge that she has and am grateful to her for being more informative concerning the subject.
Thank you.
I wish I knew what the answer was for a long and happy marriage. I have been married and divorced to many times, but each time I have learned a new life lesson.
Teddybear1000 says:
10 months ago
Have you thought that maybe your reasons for getting married the second time was for totally the wrong reason and that most 2nd marriage are normally done because someone gets lonely - Not a good reason to remarry and hence the divorce rate goes up