A good friend of mine just recently ended a relationship with a guy whom she had developed deep feelings for without realizing. We will call the girl Jane and the boy Todd for annonymous reasons. Jane started dating Todd; at first it was just innocent. He would come over to the house to hang out, they would meet up at a restaurant to eat dinner or meet up at a bar to drink. All innocent till the Todd told Jane that he would like to take the relationship to another level, meaning girlfriend/boyfriend level (How High School sounding is that?). This is where they begin to disect the blossoming relationship.

Warning! Do not do disect a relationship no matter the circumtance.

Jane and Todd both share the same attributes they both pick at each others partners till there is nothing left. Jane has a problem, she can not find good in a man because she has been hurt once before. Her constant reminder is her only son from the previous relationship, which she raises on her own even when it comes to the father of the boy whom stays out of the picture. Due to that relationship she tries to find the faults in the other person instead of what the other person has to offer.

The same with Todd, no children but a bad marriage from infidelity by the spouse. Keep in mind that Todd is still in love with the ex on some level, due to the relationship prior to the marriage with the ex-spouse.

So the relationship continues but with many bumps in the road. First, Todd begins to act as if he is not interest in Jane, pushing her away and telling her she's too needy. I have to disagree with the following, he first admitts he wants to become more then just a date, then after mentioning that he begins to slow down his visits but his text messages are increased to 'I miss you', 'have a great morning babe', 'your the most wonderful thing that's happen to me', etc. Guys! come on! how are we suppose to get a clear picture of what you want us to do when the things I just mentioned above are happening? Yet, you have the nerve to call women confusing.

Jane approaches Todd regarding the texts but no visits. Not to mention these visits are far and few between. He begins to misplace his phone, becomes busy more and more. Now I will give the guy some credit with unwanted roomates to be excavated, the loss of his phone, once; and family nights every other weekend. I don't judge though it may sound like it as you read this but try to understand that I want this relationship to continue. So by doing so I give Jane advice to back off a bit and let him come to you that way he will not get the impression he's suffocating and that he's calling the shots. This seems to work until they both decided to meet a favorite restaurant of theirs for dinner since they have not seen each other for a while. (note - him calling that shot). Lets back this up a minute, the day before the meeting for dinner she is at work and asks me what she should do, I told her to be honest and tell him how it made you feel when he did this and that you don't understand how you can be needy when all your time is spent with your son since your an single mother.

The Monday following the weekend she tells me that she spoke to him and his answer was that he was scared that they were moving to fast and he didn't want to get hurt because it takes a lot for him to trust someone. Let me interject, he's scared they are moving to fast and of getting hurt, yet she's the one who has to consider her son getting attached to a man that might not stick around and guard her feelings to be strong around her son, pffht! She had told me she mentioned the same thing but that she was willing to continue the relationship at the pace he wants. Lets fastforward this puppy shall we? They end up sleeping with each other, which is another level (didn't he say he wanted to slow down?) they go out drinking and get plastered.

I believe that once sex is introduced in the equation, you are at a whole new level of emotion.

After a weekend of drinks Jane calls Todd and asks him to a festival that is coming up the following weekend and she can get the tickets for 60% less then at the door. He said sure I will go. The weekend before the festival I go with Jane during our lunch hour to purchase the tickets, Jane calls Todd to make sure he was still going, he tells her that he doesn't know because that's a family event night and doesn't want to upset his Dad if he cancel's. Todd tells Jane to go ahead and get the ticket for him and if he doesn't go will reimburse the money. Jane is upset, she doesn't understand why he's acting this way and why he won't give up one night to go out with her and her son, knowing the same event is happening the night before the festival.

At this point she is confused whether or not he even cares or notices he's in a relationship. She doesn't like to be toyed around with, being told wonderful things then excuses given later which don't add up. Yes, she went to the festival, but not with him...he decided not to call her after they spoke to each other regarding the ticket when I was riding in the car with her. Instead Jane took her younger brother along with her to the festival.

After that weekend Jane and Todd do not speak, he emails her letting her know that he lost his phone and can't find it. She finds out from a very 'reliable source' that he indeed had his phone and was calling this 'source'. Five days go by and not a word is heard from Todd. Jane doesn't call but is worried that something more is going on and she doesn't know what. The reason for her concern is that she runs into an old friend who proceeds to tell Jane that her and Todd share a mutual friend that lives with Todd. This mutual friend tells this girl that Todd was sleeping around with his ex, the girl had know idea the Jane was dating Todd at the time of cheating.

Jane is crushed by the dishonesty and tells the 'reliable source' what she was told. The 'reliable source' then confronts Todd, which Todd denied everything and told the 'reliable source' to stay out of his business. As a friend I told her that sucks, he's an idiot the usual mobo jumbo one needs to hear in this situation. I told Jane to NOT yell at him it won't make her feel any better but put you at his level of immaturity.

Now she is stuck with the feeling that this was her fault, he's a jerk and unfinished business. Lets not forget Todd contacting Jane, apologizing to her, yet has know reason as to why or what for. However, Todd doesn't fail telling Jane that he still wants her in his life. NO Sir! We are not fish bait. Till this day Jane hasn't heard anything from Todd following this conversation.

Here is where I have a problem with men that are scared (yes I used a kind word) and don't act man enough and step up to take their punishment. If you have big enough coconuts to cheat/or whatever it is your do; then you have big enough ones to take the verbal abuse from many women who suffer just like my friend Jane. She's over the man, but is not over the anger she feels towards him. It's bottled up aggression that we women suffer from that makes us evil to the next guy that comes along. We want to be clear of this bad karma, yet you make us sit here and suffer while your out having a great time. Oh yes, we will get over it but like a scab, we can reopen the wound when you come around; women never forget, it's our job to remember things in order for others to learn from, sometimes it's to painful when that memory revisits us in unexpected moments of our life.