This question seems to come up quite often in my circle of friends. Surprisingly, most of my friends are level-headed and grounded. However, when it comes to insecurity in a relationship boundaries become blurry and invasions of privacy seem acceptabele. They never are.

E-mails, text messages and diaries all fall under the same category as off-limits to me. You know that reading someone's diary is unacceptable and yet question if text messages or e-mails are. Everyone needs an outlet to express thoughts, fears, emotions and desires. Sometimes these expressions come out in the form of texts or e-mails to good friends, old friends, and yes, sometimes people your significant other should be staying away from. Regardless, written messages are often miscontrued and reading them is an invasion of privacy.

To this argument, many a friend has argued, but look what I found! I wouldn't have known _(fact)______ if I hadn't read __(partner's)_____ e-mail. This is absolutely untrue. 1. You are already mistrusting _(partner)___ and therefor are going through their personal correspondance. And 2. It would have come out in the open eventually.

If you are lacking trust in your relationship you need to take a deep breath, get up your courage, and confront the other person in an adult manner. Just because you think you may have found something doesn't mean you neccessarily did, but it will announce to your partner that you are a sneak who doesn't trust them. Before you go digging around for dirt ask yourself what the root of your fear is and what you suspect. Then talk about it. If you still suspect your partner of lying then it's best to break up. You deserve someone you trust and who respects you. Someone you know will never cheat on you.