Is there really such a thing as love at first sight or "soul mates" ?
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I think the chances that a person who is perfect for you is out there somewhere, but is it devine intervention when they meet, or chance? Who knows?
I thought I had my soul mate once, and that love we shared made everything seem possible. I had butterflies everyday for three years, I was love sick when we were apart. We helped each other out at all cost, we were like peas in a pod. And as for the undisclosed things that happen in the bedroom, well, lets just say Heaven was not too far away.
Through it all, I was convinced that he was my soul mate, that he was the one I was going to be with for ever and ever. He was a writer and a poet and his imagination took me to places that made me feel like a kid again. He held my hair up when I got too drunk, I showed him the shower when he got maced in a parking lot after a night at the bars.
I traveled across the United States to see him, and he did the same for me. We told each other our most intimate secrets and cried together when we needed to. We protected each other from the harsh world outside our doors, and then one day...it was done.
He graduated, and left, he told me that it was because of me that he made it through college but I wasn't part of the plan. That I was not part of his plan for life, but I was the best girlfriend he had ever had. Then he left, we saw each other a couple more times and we still keep in touch every now and again but that is about it.
So, what is a soul mate? If I could feel that real and positive about one guy that turned out to be nothing more than a long and very emotional fling. What is love? Was it divine intervention that put us together to learn something, or just lust?
I called it love at first sight because I wanted to know him the moment I saw him. I wanted to know everything about him. Then some would argue that love at first sight does not exist because you have to get to know them first before you can fall in love.
So then I ask, after all of that, was it me? Why do my closest guy friends tell me that they could only be so lucky and my closest girl friends tell me that there has to be someone out there for me, when I don't think that is a possibility? Do they say these things because I really am a dork and my personality is a bit short of something to be desired, so they just say it to make me feel better? Or, could there actually be someone out there waiting in the wings and what I could expect is something much better than before?
How could you know for sure?
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Comments
no I don't believe that..It takes time..and even then you can get screwed. Believe me..or not..Good hub and yes you do have a wonderful smile...oh to be young again...G-Ma :o)
vrecc: lol, im blushin', but infatuation. I think that is a highly adaptable aproach to the question. Yeah, I think you are right.
G-Ma Johnson, sounds like you was scorned. Chin up Mama J, someone out there loves you, but love yourself first, and you are as young as you want to be. and thank you.
this is a great hub, sandra.
I don't know that we get to keep them, but I think they are put in our lives by the divine for a purpose, to show us that magic does indeed exist.
You didn't do anything wrong and you lack nothing as a person. I can't speak for him, but you never know if he maybe just has some other mission for whateva godz that be to complete, or even if he'll come back someday.
don't give up. :)
yeah, true dat, but after all that, I decided I don't want him back. and maybe the mission was to know what it was like to be hurt like that and also to know love like that. Who knows, but good food for thought. thanks for the comment.
well, if you figure it out, let me know. I can empathize with a lot of your experience. maybe most women can.
possibly there is just something wrong with men :D
great hub and great discussion too:-) I secind Iðunn --it's just life--don't give up. It's hard to trust again after a betrayal--best if you can forgive him and move on. Sounds like you are on your way BTW just to establish my personal expertise here. My husband of 33 years dumped me for another woman almost 10 years ago. I was devistated at first, but being on my own has been wonderful and my life has taken turns I never could have imagined. Not only do I forgive him, I could write him a thank you note--if I knew where to find him:-) soooooo all's well that ends well.
I was a man scorned once. Boy did I love that girl. Or, I thought I did. She yanked me from east to west and north to south. That hurt!! When I look back on it, I'm so glad I'm not with her now. What a bitch!!!
Jonathan
I don't hold negative feelingz for people with whom thingz didn't work out over the long run. Generally if there was a reason I loved them in the first place, that reason still exists and they stay a part of my heart laterz, even if for whateva reasons the situation didn't work out over the long run.
I'm not over my "soul mate" nor sure if I will ever be, and history says that he's not sure he's over me... it's like some kind of chronic deja vu, if you can picture that - kind of like that movie 'groundhog day' :hmm: we just keep living the same day slightly different over and over for years. :p
But even if we both move on and sooner or later we probably will, I would never ever regret him and I wouldn't have passed on loving him for the world.
ditto Iðunn--me too-- only in my case it is definitely over and I refuse to indulge in what I call " if I hadn't married your father I could have been a ballerina" syndrome LOL-- life's too short and too much fun--specially in the comments section of hubs:-)
hmmm. Do I still hold a grudge on that girl???? I don't think i do.
personally I think we're meant to learn something about ourselves from everyone who crosses our path. maybe sometimes we're supposed to learn what kind of people we don't want to cross paths with O.O
but on the soulmates thing, I stand by it. I stayed friendz with all my exes over the years.
yeahIðunn -- I think we are all mirrors for each other, so to speak-- and maybe what we learn depends on how ready we are to learn it, too--Hey vreccc, glad you're not holding a grudge--bet you learned something from that relationship that helped you in choosing a better one:-)
you bet I did!!!! I learned enough to create a whole hub on.
robie, darn you. now I'm thinking that I used to want to be a ballerina. I suppose itz a bit late for that. :(
look forward to reading it ( and putting in my two cents in the comments:-)
wow, didn't expect many comments, but wow indeed. I definatly concour with all ya'll. Live and let live, love and let love, love and let go. Though had it not been for him, I couldnt understand how love works.
Soul mate...could be, still love him, sure do, still dont want him back though. I think because once undone it is never the same again. I could say I forgive him, but there was nothing to forgive cause neither he nor I did anything wrong. :)
I enjoy reading your thoughtz, sandra. you have a wonderfully compassionate soul and a delightfully inquiring mind. I like the way you think.
yeah, Vreccc, hurry up with that hub, I am fully interested.
Sandra, I could have written your thoughts. I finally came to basically the same conclusions as you - now I just surrender to the fact there were awesome moments and times with past relationships/infatuations, and let them stay beautiful in my mind without anger, resentment or endless questioning of myself. I've also learned to question my assumptions that there's a "one-fix-all" out there who, once I locate her, see her across a crowded room, etc., my troubles will be over and I'll be complete and deliriously happy. Has it happened to me? Yes - several times. Will it again? I believe that - absolutely.
Great hub - I really enjoyed reading this.
I dont know about when it comes to a relationship, but I experienced love at first sight, when my niece was born. So I do believe in it.
You know I fully agree in that respect. I fell in love with my kid before I even concieved her. Here, hear, that is the best comment ever, thanks originplus.
Well I once read that being in love technically made you crazy due to the chemical imbalances created in your head. Also I read that guys determine a females "attraction level" in less then a second after seeing them. Combine that with the powerful chemical forces of pheromones and I think you could have "Love" at first sight. However I think forming a meaningful and long lasting relationship after this 'love at first' sight is just chance.
On the topic of soul-mates, there are over 6 billion people on the planet and I'm sure there is a percentage of them, if you knew them well enough, you would deem a soul mate and have just as lovely if not more lovely then your last relationship. The only problem is sifting through the billions to find them.
Anyway very touching Hub.
I think that everything causes a chemical imbalance, but am inclined to think that attractiveness isn't measured in the first moments, it's something else. For instance, I see a mega hottie, but right away I notice that he is an arogant type of guy. In the same few seconds, I determined that he was not attractive at all.
On the other hand, I could see a guy, not so hot, but something else goes on and I find him attractive. Don't really know what it is, if it isn't physical.
I probably just said what you said huh? Ima dork.
"I had butterflies everyday for three years, I was love sick when we were apart."
I believe true love frees you from being love-sick. It gives you the confidence to be alone and happy. And while you miss the person being near you are not love-sick for them. This is my personal opinion after witnessing my Grandparents true love.
You definitely had a beautiful, loving relationship. One that obviously changed you forever in a good way. I believe these relationships exist to teach us the lessons we need to learn so that we can be open to true love when it finds us.
Of course, I follow the belief that "sometimes not getting what you want in life turns out to be the best thing that could ever happen to you."
There is someone for everyone! Never lose hope for that. ;)
I still get butterflies when my husband is on his way home...we're going on seven years married this coming Monday. But I can be away from him and know that I am okay. I don't like it but I can handle it.
I think there is a plan.
I also think...no, know, that love is a decision. It is not always a feeling, because feelings and emotions are not always the truth. When you decide to love someone through thick and thin, you will, even when you don't feel like it.
But we cannot control the other person, just ourselves, which means we are constantly living with the possibility of being hurt. That is where trust and love of something bigger than a mere mortal comes in. Because no man (or woman) can fill that God shaped space within us. When we try we will always be hurt because they are simply not going to live up to those expectations. They won't ever be perfect and neither will we. There is no happily ever after...we cannot be perpetually happy...we wouldn't grow or glorify anyone but ourselves if we were.
I'm not going to say that there is definately someone out there for you, but if you have a strong desire for a mate, it is probably because you are meant to have one. But maybe God needs you to know that He is sufficient and a man is just icing on the cake, so to speak. =)
I also enjoy reading your stuff on this insomnia riddled night!
touche' sista. I am surprised my writing didn't put you to sleep. ;)
nope, I got jolted awake like a shot of espresso!
I really don't know, Sandra! I would like to think that there are soul mates! I know people who believe in this and I know some who say they have found theirs. I also have known people who say they have found "the one" or their soul mate and then sometimes only a comparitively short time later they split up with whoever it was and find a new "the one." Personally, I have never found my soul mate even if I thought I had, and haven't had much luck with relationships at all so I can't claim to know much about the subject. I know when I was younger I was looking for love and marriage and I suppose was looking for a pretty conventional life but I never found it. I have been in love and I have been broken-hearted. Over the years I have tended not to let this upset me any more.
I suppose I think it is possible for people to find true love and soul mates but I also think for some others it doesn't happen but I don't know why!
I live with a lady cat called Tiggy and some years back a friend of mine said jokingly: "You know, Steve, there's this idea that you have to ask God and the Universe for what you want and need and then you will get it...well, the problem is that if you are asking for a girlfriend or wife you need to specify what species. Because you didn't you have Tiggy!"
True love does exist, but it's just understanding that the initial feelings you have someone when you first meet would not last. The butterflies in the stomach and can't eat or sleep emotions would wear out after a while. Some people believe that these feelings are what constitute love but it's really more than that.
True Love is friendship, commitment, patience, understanding and resolving of conflicts. Once you have and could do all these, then you can truly love.
Thanks LisaG, I haven't heard from you in a while. I am starting to understand it "Once you could do all these things, then YOU (that's me) can truly love.
Miss you much LisaG. How is your business going?
true love does exist no matter what anyone says!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
I firmly believe that we all have a soulmate. Does this mean that there is only one person in this world meant for us? No. to be a soulmate you have to feel an inner connection with them unlike anything you have felt before. Very similar b(believe it or not) to animal magnetism. Do I believe in love at first sight? Yes because I feel that love at first sight and "soulmate" go hand in hand. You are immediately attracted to them physically but "spiritually" as well.
I never thought it would happen to me...even though I have always believed in it, I figured it was to good to be true and then it happened. I am happily in a relationship and find myself falling more and more in love with him everyday.
I believe it's more along the lines of lust at first sight alot of the times. I think that you can fall in love with someone over a short or long period of time but I only believe in love at first sight when a woman gives birth to her child. It's something that is hard to put into words. I believe god reserves that special feeling for just that occassion. Great hub.
Sandra- I sometimes find some truth in this statement "Life doesn't give you the people you want; instead it gives you the ones you need to teach you, to hurt you, to love you -- to make you exactly the way you should be."
Always keep that wonderful smile on.
CW, you always have an inspirational thought flowing through those viens of yours. Maybe so, I use to think about the saying, "God gives you only what you can handle."
I seem to believe this is true, so the worse that it gets in life the more I have achieved. Of course, the course is not always pleasant but looking back, it is easier to understand what you learned and call it a present, a gift, of the present.
:)
Sandra- You have handled yourself well and that too always with a pleasing smile. Sometimes some things happen and maybe the next time around you can distinguish a guy better from the previous experience. I do believe in karma but I also do believe in the human ability to change their destiny. Maybe somethings are beyond our control but when we think too much about it then even things which are within our control we may lose control off. Have you seen the movie serendipity? I think sometimes we don't know where our destiny is leading us and at other times our destiny maybe right in front of us but we aren't yet ready to see it. Oh my my I am getting too philosophical and you have to put up with me while the New Year celebrations may still be going on. Anyway wish you and your family/friends Happy New Year.
I do believe in this love at first sight
I did watch Serindipity, loved it! Here is my thought for you about Karma.
My hole life, I did good things in hopes that karma would come back around and I would be rewarded with the same exchange I had given to everyone else. Then one day I had bad karma...all of the sudden the good came around.
???
Their is thought process that is involved when we deal with Karma and often people wonder why bad things happen to good people. I don't know the specific answer to that and all I would say from my personal experience is that I haven't done anything great in my life so far but have been blessed so much then what is the reason for that. I don't know if it is my parents blessings or some sort of accumulated karma from previous lives (oh yeah I believe in that). But still karma I don't consider it as a passive thing which we should take it lying down. We are actively engaged in changing karmic reactions hence sometimes things which seem bad maybe good in the long run(like losing a part of the body like flesh may be bad but if that part of the body is cancerous then it is good to take it out). As they say all that is good for us may not come easily and all that comes easily may not always be good for us.
You are a friggin genius! I love you! Happy New Years to you as well. :)
Well it feels good to delude oneself to be carried away by such wonderful compliments but alas I know myself all too well that I don't come even close to being one...LOL
I followed CW over here, :)
No, I do not technically believe in soul mates. I do believe in passionate love--and that love at first sight thing is sexual attraction, and it is a part of it, but only so much.
LOL, I can divide my life up into periods organized by different guys. I cannot say I loved any of them any less--just in different ways... Also, real love takes a lot of insight & that has to come from both partners, or it doesn't work at all. And sometimes things just end--not because of fault or love--but just because of circumstances.
OF course there is someone (probably a few) out there for you!
True Lita, just circumstances. Maybe it is also true that there are a few out there for you but for me, I want just one so...
I wonder though, can real love, not the passionate kind, come after the relationship has ended?
I wonder because I feel like I love a couple of them more after the relationship ened. A different kind of love. ;)
Sandra- I mean one love at a time, I hope you know, :)! lol, omg!
What I think, actually, if you are talking about a love that lasts--as in staying together--is that it has a lot to do with maturity, and usually (at least from what I've encountered) that can be lacking on the part of the guy, sigh... Though definitely not in every situation, absolutely.
And yes, I think it is possible to love after the relationship has ended. I still feel like I love several of my past guys, even still in a romantic way.
lol lita, I know what you meant!
Well as my mom used to give me advice about guys and this is what she used to say to look for into the life partner which keep evolving over a period of time.
Technically these are the 4 stages of life in Hindus I.e., Brahmacharya, Grihastha, Vanaprastha and Sanyasa.
And mostly even marriage(Grihastha) also has certain stages
1) Physical
2) Emotional
3) Intellectual
4) Spiritual
Physical attraction lasts for the first few years then the emotional wavelength/temperament becomes slightly more important in life. Then comes intellectual stimulation or challenging tasks becomes more important. And finally lastly spiritual affinity and shared goals becomes important. But none of these are water tight compartments but it is a mix up of these 4 elements some in slightly more proportion for some than others. My parents play chess, scrabble and do crossword puzzles together which I find so cute. Now the latest craze for them is Sudoku...hehe
CW-I require all four elements of my men! LOL (But it is true.) However, I think the greatest weight has been proven for me to come down solidly on side of intelligence--and a well rounded one at that.
Lita- I would also prefer a good combination of all 4 elements and a well rounded person. I thought you just had great experience from various jobs but now I know you are an expert about men too. You really are bohemian...LOL
No! I'm just kind of joking! Don't mean to sound so, um, 'experienced.' LOL (Not about the intelligence thing, however--I think overall, all the other elements spring from that!)
One doesn't have to be "experienced" to be an "expert" that's why for job I mentioned experience for men I said expert....hehe.
Intellectual is slightly different than intelligence and nowadays some have even merged these terms which they call "emotional intelligence". I guess I have seen men to be more intelligent(rational) with not so much emotional(relating with others) part of it. Even in forums it is some times seen with some guys not willing to yield from their view point. I know I am oversimplifying but in general you know what I mean.
Yeah, its hard to get all four in one package. If he is good looking he isn't very emotional, if he is ugly, he is usually very emotional. If he is too spiritual, you can't get phsical and when one is too intellegent, then well it all goes to hell. haha.
Seriously, I dated dumb and handsome fun ones, but that lasted as long as I could stand to have nothing better to talk about.
I have dated a lawyer, omg! NEVER AGAIN. I thought girls were bad when it came to cynicism. Don't ask. and he was very spiritual. I don't think the two go very well together.
then a less attractive ones which are too overly emotional and one that was pretty good looking, ok, hot, smart, funny and had quit the imagination but when it came to intellegence, well...
I like who I have right now. Physically I am pleased, emotionally it can be tricky but for me being too comfortable too fast is a no no, it's too easy to take your partner for granted that way. He has his own spirituality which I totally dig and he is not so over bearing with it, he keeps it to himself and shares every now and again when i really need to talk about spiritual stuff and he is intellegent but a differnt kind of intellegent.
Different from me anyways which is neat because I get to learn next to a really handsome, sweet guy (well to me anyways haha) who has something to offer physically, mentally and emotionally.
though when i talk he is a bit lost but he listenes and pretends like he understands or he just says I have no idea what you are talkig about.
My dad says that your partner should balance you out. I guess they all seem well balanced at first, so my best advice to myself is to just see where it goes. I gave up on trying to lead a relationship and found it is better to just let it go wherever it wants to go.
The problems of my past where whether or not I found myself wanting to go with or in other words, it was my way or the highway! :)
lol :)
I'm just an old-fashioned romantic. I totally believe in love at first sight. There's so much you can tell about a person just by the way they carry themselves -- how they walk, how they dress, how they watch the world around them. Is there a light and hopeful air in their countenance, or is there pain and darkness? And when you see that someone for the very first time, and your subconscious hits you with all those subtle things your conscious mind could never define, the feeling of powerful emotion sweeps over you and in your heart you know, "This is someone special, someone unlike anyone else." Man, I should write a hub about this, you've got me all inspired :) Great hub. I'm sorry to hear about it not working out with your once soulmate.
Yeah Benji, you are old fashioned. It's cute. You should write your own hub about it.
Though I do want to say; that although the emotions of "this is someone special, someone unlike anyone else." ... what constitutes a "soul mate" in that matter?
Can a soul mate be purly a connection of spirituality, or is "soul mate" being defined as "life mate"?
Would love to read what your thoughts are about this.
Thanks :) hmm, that's a difficult question to answer. I'm not really sure what would define a soul mate in that instance. I'll have to think about it :)
Sandra -- It's always takes a storm to make us appreciate a beautiful sun shinny day!
As for Karma. For the best results you shouldn't do Quote" the right thing" expecting something in return. We are constantly being tested as to our true selves.Remember that old saying "To thine own self be true."
Country woman is right
Sometimes we think ourselves as lucky if we have a life free from adversity.When in fact we should seek adversity to some extent in order to work through it,either physically emotionally,or mentally .We are promised that we will never be tested beyond our ability to deal with those hardships.But deal with them we must I find country woman knowledgable Her viewpoint on emotional intelligence intrigues me.You might say all three physical,emotional,and intellectual aspects of our being coming together through our spiritual aspect is what defines us from everyone else.I see you don't think being intelligent and spiritual are a good match.Being intelligent is not the same as being cynical although you can be both.The way I see it a soulmate is another soul with whom you both decide you would want to be with forever.What if you had to live with a person 24 hours a day,seven days a week as if you were handcuffed to them and you had to do absolutely everything together.got to restroom,brush your teeth take a shower,do the laundry,dress,shop,absolutely everything,and you liked it.That to me would be a soulmate.
hello Sandra
take a look at my POV on this topic, I created a hub on this too not too long ago! http://hubpages.com/hub/Love-At-First-Sight--Do-Yo
Thanks Kmartel, I will check it out. :D
One possible answer is that maybe he just wasn't ready for the commitment you were offering. Is it possible that over time, he might realize what he lost?? I think it might be. If not, then chin up girl! I believe there is someone for everyone. The one thing that I do know is this, as much fear as I have of making another mistake in the "relationships" area, I can't keep being afraid of love. Yes, it hurts like crazy when we give our hearts to someone only to have them throw our love back in our faces. But, it's worth the risk. Because when it finally does happen for real, it's magic, and it's the greatest power on earth! ;)
I also believe in soul mates but we should remember that soul mates are not always a permanent part of our lives. They can come in, teach us what we need to learn, and then fall back out of our lives.
Pretty interesting - love does take time, yet if it isn't there at "first sight" - can it ever be? Maybe, but usually a couple is not going to just grow together because of years of friendship - that seems less likely to me than the instant click. Even when I have had a very good friend who I later came to fall in love with, there was always the memory of that first meeting, the first time I heard her voice, and especially, the very first time I saw her! Don't sell it short, chemistry exists for a reason, the fun is in finding out the depth of that reason!
there most def is a soulmate out there for everyone. its just a matter of finding him or her! you'll know once you meet the person because of a few signs! once you get started talking with them, if you hit so many common levels and your heart starts to flutter and it almost as if theres a wieght on your chest. this person could be a friend, a colleague, or even a stranger. the signs can be seen as a crush though. make sure you read the signs properly. it could be a very acward moment if they are misread. if everytime your around this person you just long to be touched ever so slightly and it would please you, or even just the slightest look, or smile. that person could very well be your soul mate. the one to complete you! very few people ever take the signals to heart and alot of people ignore these feelings. but don't. take the chance in finding love for yourself. if it turns out to be more of a crush then find that feeling that can be mistaken for non other than love. your one and all. the piece of the puzzle that completes you and your life. love has a funny way of making things happen for a reason! everyone you meet, theres a reason for it!
vreccc says:
2 years ago
Sandra,
I fall in love with you every time I see you smile in your picture. Better not let my wife see this post :)'
But really, I think love at first site is really infatuation. Love to me involves action and effort. It isn't based on just feeling. Love itself is an action.
You do have a wonderful smile.
Keep up the great hubs!!
God Bless,
Jonathan