Is she cheating? Catching a wily woman cheater

Men cheat all the time, but they tend to be stupid about it. They get messages from other women on their cellphones, they come home smelling of someone else's perfume, they leave panties in the glove box, and they come up with the same excuse every time “I'm working late.” They pretty much always eventually get caught because a man trying to cheat stealthily is kind of like a penguin trying to look informal, it's just not going to happen.

A woman, on the other hand, is much harder to catch. Another man won't leave lipstick on her collar, he's unlikely to deposit his panties in her glove box, and men never call anyway, so there's no phone records to speak of. So then, how does one catch a woman? Let's look at the signs of a cheating woman. I've broken this into two steps for ease of use.

Sign Number One, aka Phase One: She's nice to you

If she's been kicking your ass for the last three years about being a lazy asshole, never picking up after yourself, never calling, never dressing nice, never taking her anywhere, and all of a sudden she doesn't seem to mind any of that anymore, there is a good chance that she is straying. Most men are too stupid or arrogant to realize that her change in demeanor isn't because she's come around to the idea that they are the greatest man on earth. Beware, ego is the downfall of many an otherwise smart chappie.

Sign Number Two, aka Phase Two, aka The End: She dumps your ass.

Sadly, a great deal of men find out that their girlfriend has been cheating only once she's fled into the other man's arms. The prior stage, the nice stage, is the stage in which she lays the ground work. She's keeping you nice and buttered up so that her transition to her new man is a safe and happy one. Once she's left, that's when you find out that you've been screwed.

Evidence suggests that women are less likely to try to juggle two male partners who don't know about one another for very long. This is because women instinctively know that trying to do so is retarded. The exceptions to these rules come when the woman has married for money or status, and finds her husband to be an unattractive lump. In this case, the woman will stay in the first phase of the cheating process. However, unless you're a multi millionaire or a professional wrestler, or a ninja or something, you really don't have to worry about it.

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