I'm not devaluing friendships that exist between someone who has MS and someone who does not have the disease, not at all. I'm just saying it is also good to have a close friend who can share the day-to-day struggles that is MS. If you are like me, then you have no one else in your family with MS and you have no other close friends with the disease either. You aren't particularly suffering because of that fact, but like me you might occasionally wonder what it would be like to actually have a friend living near-by who can finish your sentence, like close friends do, but finish the sentence about a symptom flare-up that is getting on your nerves that day, or that hour, or that week.Someone who knows when to be upset about your medical health or when to just laugh it off or come up with a outlandish joke about what others would consider a non-laughing matter.

Caring, sympathetic and healthy friends understandably do not find a symptom flare-up funny or unimportant. They cannot and will not make a joke about it, or about MS or about your deficiencies due to the disease. They would never think of saying anything close to resembling a lackadaisical, nonchalant or insensitive view of a serious neurological condition. It would be in poor taste and demonstrate a lack of empathy to engage in anything but a serious discussion of the problem. They will listen attentively to you, or may even allow themselves to smile or chuckle when you make a joke about it, but that's pretty much as far as they will go.

On the other hand, a friendship with someone else who has MS, opens up a wide array of potential commonality. Tired of dealing with a weak bladder, well chances are a friend who has MS has dealt with the same thing, or even better is dealing with it right now. You complain to your friend about it, and you both can go into detail about exactly what drives you crazy when your body keeps telling you its time to RUN to the restroom, only to find out your urgency wasn't urgent at all.

Find yourself tripping up and the down the stairs because of muscle weakness or foot drop? Your friend will not look concerned when you proclaim, "I'm gonna kill myself one of these days! If I don't quit tripping I'm going to wind up at the bottom of the stairs." That statement would be met with a laugh or an affirmation that the friend will no doubt suffer the same fate in the near future as well.

With friends very rarely is a joke in poor taste, if it belittles an ongoing problem that needs a bit of humor or stress relief. It's what having a close friend with MS would bring to me, that I would find refreshing and up-building.

Then there's the shorthand that develops when you know someone else has MS. Details aren't needed. Just like the Internet has its own "language", MSer's develop their own idioms easily understood amongst themselves. Tell another MSers, "My neuro put me on a 3-day pulse." And it is automatically understood that you called in your flare-up or went to your neurologist's office and he decided your attack is so bad that you need to take mega-steroids in the form of a 3 day IV of Solu-Medrol steroids.

My Husband My Best Friend

As is often the case with MS, family members may be the closest friends we have who truly get what MS is all about. My husband has learned an incredible amount about MS and how it strikes me. Fortunately, although I don't have a close friend with MS outside of my immediate family, I do have a best friend who also happens to be my husband who gets my sense of humor and has developed his own humor about it as well.

He walks the fine line of a caring spouse and a good friend over and over again, and almost never slips up. He seems to have cultivated the art of taking his cue from me. If I need to lighten things up about this crazy disease and begin joking about it, or how I am acting in response to it, he will chime right in and before you know it we are laughing about something very serious.To an outsider he would probably seem insensitive, or callous to my suffering, but to me, he is a good friend who knows when to let MS have it so that we can de-stress a tense situation.

On-Line Friends

Friends I have made in on-line in forum based support groups have been invaluable as well. Although limited by distance, the lack of face-to-face contact can be overcome by e-mail contact or even phone calls. For some people with MS, this is the closest they will ever get to a friend with MS. The relationships are real and can really get one through hard times.

Facebook

Facebook has become the rage for on-line MS support. Quick posts and replies seem to make a good fit for busy people with hectic lives, trying to find the time to be sick and seek advice-all at the same time. More and more companies and organizations are joining the social website communities. Even the National MS Society has a growing Facebook site.

Friends Who Teach

Then you have friends who seem to be natural teachers. You are surprised to discover their abilities, but grateful to learn from them as your friendship grows. A friend who is a teacher is a double blessing. A teacher who is open and approachable will make a lot of friends. There are many people with MS who are magnificent teachers. See the box for a glimpse of good teachers in action.

A True Companion

One inspired passage states, "A true companion is loving all the time and is a brother born for when there is distress."

It would be fun to have a close friend, living in my area, who had MS. In lieu of that though, I think I will just be glad for the true friends I have right now. Who are there whenever I need them. Who are concerned about me but want to be able to laugh and share my good times. Sure they aren't able to develop a sick sense of humor about MS, but its based on love for me, which outweighs their desire to be funny when I'm suffering. Whew, what a problem to face!

My wish for all MSers is that you find at least one friend who has MS. Join a local support group or go on-line to a MS forum board and try to find someone else who is good friend material. The initial work will be worth it, because as good as it is to have a true companion without MS, it is good to find a friend with MS, as well.