You. You are not one person, you are not one relationship, you are a great many. You have done many things and we have gone through many things. I loved you, I love you, I hate you, I want you, I need you, I have to let you go.

You hurt me in ways I didn't think you could do. I gave you trust, you gave me pain. You put in effort when it worked out for you, and when it got to hard you gave up. You don't know what a friend really is. I have waited, I will wait, I will get over you, I will remember you, I will think fondly about you and sometimes badly.

When I needed you, you were not there. When I gave up countless hours of sleep to be with you when you were hurting, you gave up nothing. I didn't want anything back except for what I gave. I gave you trust, I wanted yours. I gave you love, I wanted you to love me. I gave you forgiveness, and you threw it away. I gave you a chance, and you hurt her, and I want you to be hurt now.

Not being able to forgive you because I want you to realize what that forgiveness means. Not wanting to take the first step because you need to be the one to come to me. Not willing to give up anymore or make anymore sacrifices for you. Not liking the fact that you would throw this away for one night that wasnt worth it. Not talking because you feel like it will help you work through things. Not shutting the door because when I do it means you will never walk through it again.

I feel angry that you are willing to just give up. I feel afraid to lose you, and I feel sad that it's all happening and the choice to stop it is not mine, but yours. I want you to fight for me. I want you to fight for our friendship, for my pain to stop, for yourself to be happy. I want you to stop being so damn stubborn and say "I'm sorry, I messed up." I want you. That's it. Plain and simple. I want you in my life, and I don't get to choose that anymore, because you have removed yourself from it. I want to be in yours and you have put up a wall that I cannot climb.

I miss you. I'm mad at you. I love you. I hate you for giving up. I wish you had never stopped loving me. I wish you could get over yourself and tell me what it is you are feeling. I want you to shut your mouth, and open your heart to what I have to say. I want you to realize that my heart is open to you.

The scarifices that were made never went both ways, and now you have the chance to prove something, anything to me and you can't or wont. The feelings that you say you have, fall on broken ears, because you never follow through.

I want your commitment. To nothing, to something, to me or not. I want to know what you want. Are we friends anymore? Should I start getting over you? Should I invest my time in other people or are you going to be there again? I want to know.

A friend is someone who you go to and who comes back to you. A friend is a person who no matter what will respect the chocies that you make. A friend is a person who will love you no matter what even when you mess up. A friend is a person who meets you at 3am just to talk. A friend is a person who hurts when you hurt and knows when something is wrong. A friend is there.

I will always be your friend. I will always give you time, when what you need is someone to vent to, someone to hug, someone to get advice from, or just someone to sit in silence with you. I will never stop being your friend. Will you stop being mine?.... I used to think that could never happen. I used to have never-ending faith in our relationship that we could always rely on each other. I don't have that faith anymore. I want to know where I stand in your life. I want you to either be my friend, or tell me that I'm not. You know that you'll always be in my heart. That door never will close...but I don't know anymore if that goes both ways...

Giving an ultimatum is telling someone that they have to give something up when you dont. I want to live but I want you to be there. I want to be able to call you and tell you something funny, come over unannounced, be able to sit in the same room as you. I want to be able to share personal things with you, if not only because you only get a select few people to do this with. I want you to open up to me. I dont want to live in silence with you.

I wish I could say all of these things to you, but you've closed that door to me. I can only knock for so long...maybe you will hear this and maybe you won't, but either way I need it to be said.

I still love you. I still want you to be my friend. I still want to know the most intimate things about you, and be able to share my most intimate things with you. I adore you. I will always think of you and smile about the little jokes we had. I will never forget you. You are tattooed on my heart. You are permanently a part of me. You changed me from who I was to who I am. I appreciate you...but I can't live in the past. I need to move forward. I need to keep becoming the me I want to be. I would love it if you helped me be that person. But if you can't, I'll understand.

loving someone takes so much, invested time, energy and emotions. Listen, to everything, watch and see what there is to see. Open up to new things. Be who you want to be not who other people make you. I love you so much and I dont want you to hurt, but you are hurting me and it is creating anger and emotions that shouldnt exsit in the relationship. Where is that person who I love, where did they go? Will they ever come back?

We will be waiting for you. All of you. We love you. All of you. But we will no longer live our lives on the side. We are going to continue to grow, and change and love and hurt. We will create memories and lives worth living. With or without you, all of you, we will be worthy of the love we receve, and even better than that...the people we love will deserve the love we give them. We will always love you. But the next step is yours.

~Amy&Grace.