I love telling this story. It’s one of my more famous cultural faux pas in Japan. It was way back when my wife and I were dating. She had become very ill and had a high fever for several days. I went to visit her at her apartment. I wanted to cheer her up and bring her some flowers. I stopped in at a little corner mom and pop shop near by. There weren’t many choices and I picked some flowers that I thought looked pretty. I came in to see her and happily presented her with my flowers. Her face went pale and her jaw dropped. She explained those were “kiku” flowers and are only put on peoples graves. Kiku is the Japanese name for chrysanthemums. Chrysanthemums are a common sight at florists and other shops in Japan. They are placed on graves when Japanese pray to their ancestors. They are a common motif in Buddhism and also the symbol of the emperor. The position of the emperor of Japan is known as the chrysanthemum throne. The chrysanthemum is the official seal of Japan and appears on Japanese passports. However, me giving my sick girlfriend kiku might look like she’s dying or I want her dead.

              I did something similar another time. We were driving somewhere and had a big argument. She pulled over to the side of the road and I got out to cool off. I soon felt guilty as usual, and saw some pretty flowers growing along side the road and picked them. I offered them to her as an apology, but she became even more upset. They were higanbana flowers. They are considered poisonous and also associated with ancestor worship. People never pick them. Read more about higanbana here.

              Flowers have special meaning in Japan. Be careful what you give your girlfriend. Flowers are also a part of my daughters’ names. My older daughter is Hana(花菜) The first character “花” means flower and the second character “菜” means plant or leaf and is used in the word for vegetable. But if you reverse the characters it can be read nanohana(菜の花). This is the rapeseed blossom, a beautiful yellow flower that is cultivated in Japan to make cooking oil and is the same as in Canola oil. My younger daughter is Rika(梨花), which means “pear flower”. Tottori prefecture, where we live, is known for its big, delicious pears. Pear blossoms are a pleasant sight in spring and are a nice contrast to the more famous pink cherry blossoms. Everyday when I come home, I can see the smiling faces of my two beautiful flowers.