By Susie and Otto Collins

Do you ever feel like your life's dramas could even rival soap opera storylines?

Perhaps you consider yourself to be pretty easy-going but your partner is a drama king or queen.

Or maybe it's you who seems to be all drama, all of the time.

Whether it's financial disasters, emotional meltdowns, cheating and flirting or something else, when there's an ample amount of drama in your life, you might crave nothing more than a little bit of “boring” everyday living!

Some people seem to crave and attract drama. Their lives are tumultuous as a rule, not an exception.

As secretly exciting as drama may seem to you-- or the one you love-- intense ups and downs in a relationship can make it difficult to connect and enjoy the closeness you would like with your partner.

In fact, relationship drama-- in the sense that we mean it-- can easily lead to breakups and divorce.

How many people do you know would prefer and continue in a relationship or marriage that is dominated by heated arguments, wild accusations, and sensationalistic tearful breakdowns?

Carmen knows that she is a drama queen. She always has been characterized this way. And she even secretly delights in being the colorful, intense person that she identifies as. Problems arise, however, when she tries to be in a love relationship.

Although Carmen has dated many men for extended periods of time, these relationships have all been plagued by a lot of intensity. Some of the intensity has been quite enjoyable-- such as the intimate connecting she's had with these different boyfriends.

But most of the intensity has come from Carmen's out of control jealousy and her past boyfriends' various infidelities.

Now that Carmen has been dating Rich for several months, she would like to change this fiery yet dismal pattern before another relationship ends up badly. Carmen would like to lessen the drama in her relationships and increase the closeness and connection instead.

Be aware of your tendencies.
If you feel like your relationship has more than enough drama and you'd like to turn dynamics around, start by looking at your own self. How do you tend to react to situations that catch you by surprise or feel out of your control?

Without judging your usual reactions as good or bad, make a mental note of your tendencies.

Sometimes a person's reaction appears much more intense than the situation seems to warrant. This is often because the person is triggered and the situation takes him or her back to a past event that is still being held onto.

Get behind the drama that you might be displaying. If there are unresolved issues from your past that are easily triggered, take steps to make completions.

Meet your present life with a sense of presence and be in the now as much as possible.

Carmen is well aware that her history of dating men who cheat has fueled her jealousy. In every relationship, she almost expected her partner to have an affair and lie to her. She developed a very quick reaction to any supposed signs of infidelity.

Unfortunately, Carmen's dramatic jealous reactions to any “suspicious” signs in her partner are not always accurate. Already in her relationship with Rich, Carmen has heatedly accused him of looking at other women inappropriately or flirting when-- even she admits-- that wasn't necessarily the case.

It is clear to Carmen that she is usually jealous first before she even really thinks about the “facts” she's basing her jealous reactions on.

Clear the way for intensity that will bring you closer.
When you make completions about your past, you can often more easily respond rather than react. You might find yourself less easily triggered and more apt to pause, feel into yourself and make a more conscious decision before proceeding with a response to whatever is going on.

From a place of presence, you can question the assumptions that might jump to your mind and that have, in the past, spurred you to be dramatic.

For example, now that Carmen is more aware of her jealous tendencies and the roots of them, she can respond rather than react when she is triggered.

When she is at a party with Rich, she might first inquire within about her fears that Rich “wants to go home with another woman” at the party before saying a word to him.

Carmen might take a deep breath, acknowledge that she is feeling jealous fears and then ask herself if she has any real evidence to support those fearful assumptions.

She may decide to be honest and share with Rich that she is grappling with her hurt from the past or she could process this all internally.

Either way, when Carmen takes the time to sort out the past from the present, she can choose a response rather than be seemingly controlled by a dramatic reaction.

Even as you release your jealousy and the drama that you've maybe become accustomed to, you can increase intensity in the form of passion and love between yourself and your partner.

As the two of you move closer together, you can enjoy one another in deeper and more positively dramatic ways!