Even if you're in a committed love relationship, you and your partner probably have friends and co-workers that you are also connected with. These relationships may not feel threatening to you. However, jealousy may come up for you when one of your mate's friend or work relationships appears to be more significant to him or her. There may be a bond that your spouse or partner and this other person share that you aren't part of. In cases like this, your jealousy can make you suspicious of your partner's fidelity and create distance and disconnection between you.

It may seem difficult to know whom or what you can trust! Your gut tells you that something is not right here. After all, shouldn't your love connect primarily with you and not with others? Even if he or she is not having an affair, does the presence of this “buddy” indicate that something is missing in your relationship or in you?

All of these questions go through Janey's mind just about every day. Her husband, Pete, is in a band that plays around their city on the weekends. Another band member, Kara, seems to have become Pete's new best friend. They both play guitar and often have jam sessions after band practices are over. Pete has never given Janey any reason to doubt his love for her, but his friendship and bond with Kara are increasingly upsetting. A lot of “what ifs” hound her constantly-- especially when Pete is away. Janey doesn't want Pete to quit the band but she feels more and more jealous and unsure of herself.

Sort out the fears from the trust.

Fear and trust are very different phenomenon. While you and your partner have probably built up trust between the two of you by making and keeping agreements, your fears undermine that trust. Deep down you may fear that there is something about you that makes you unworthy of the love you want (and possibly already have). Or you may fear that your love has a restless nature and is bound to get bored with you. This makes his or her friendship seem all the more suspicious.

If you can sort out the fears from the trust you will probably feel clearer. Listen to what your heart is telling you but be sure those messages are not based in worries and insecurities. Remind yourself of what you know about your relationship and your partner instead of what you might be projecting onto him or her. If you need more information about your partner's relationship with this “buddy,” ask for it in a way that is not accusing. It's ok to admit that you feel jealous to your love, but be sure to let him or her know you are working on these feelings. Don't expect your partner to erase jealousy for you-- this is something only you can do for yourself.

Enhance the bond you two share.

First and foremost, don't turn the whole situation into a competition. When you go down that path, you are bound to lose because it's all about perceptions anyway. Instead, focus your attentions on the bond you and your partner share. Janey may not play the guitar or be in a band, but she and Pete do share many passions-- including their love for one another. She remembers how much she and Pete enjoy horror movies and cycling, among other things. The next evening, Janey pops in their favorite dvd, pops some popcorn and cuddles up with Pete to get terrified together. It's a wonderful time for both.

When you remind yourself that you share a strong connection with your partner and you turn your attention to that connection, the friendship your mate has doesn't seem so ominous anymore. If you realize that the interests of you and your partner don't mesh as well as they used to, open up to new ways to relate to one another. Don't force it though; allow connecting to happen.

As you choose to see-- and remind yourself of-- all of the things you and your love share, you may experience an expanding closeness in your relationship. Jealousy can fall away as you realize that your partner's friendships are just another part of his or her life. There is room for many types of bonds in a person's heart and mind-- especially the passionate one the two of you share.