Jessica Simpson is being called "fat" by everyone from Carrie Underwood to US magazine, all because of one horrendous outfit worn at a chili cook-off in Florida (singing at a Chili cook-off might have been her first mistake). And I submit to you, viewing public, that Jessica Simpson is not fat (I know she got Tony ... but Carrie, you need to back off!) she's simply put on a few pounds. Her biggest trouble is her stylist.

Every woman who has ever had to deal with a few extra pounds in the midsection knows that this can easily be camouflaged with the right clothes. Unfortunately for Jessica Simpson, she's always been very thin and has never had to learn that lesson. But that's why she has a stylist -- right? Stylists help you dress to look your best. This stylist should be fired...and run out of town, and forced to wear a really bad outfit.

First let's talk about the jeans. Did her stylist get these from her mom's closet? They don't even make jeans like that anymore, do they? Those big pockets in the front draw attention to the stomach -- making it look even BIGGER! All girls know when you have a "tummy issue" front pockets are the first thing to go. And then there is the weird two belt thing. Two big, stiff, belts. This caused Jessica's middle to look thicker, and wider than it actually is. Top this off with a skin-tight, tucked in tank top. The tightness of the top was completely unforgiving and drew the eye right to the belly. And as girls with TI all know -- leave the shirt untucked! An untucked shirt hides all manner of ills.

It's like her stylist picked out all the worst possible clothes for Simpson's shape - - causing Jessica to look less like a "Daisy" and more like a tulip. It is possible Jessica's stylist is a "plant" hired by her enemy. Maybe Carrie Underwood wants Tony Romo back. Or possibly Ashley Simpson (still working on losing her baby weight) wants to finally be the pretty Simpson girl. Or perhaps the stylist herself is fat and just wants to make Jessica look bad. Could we get a good conspiracy theory going? And pitch it to Oliver Stone to make a movie...

At any rate, it's her stylist who should be the one taking all this public heat. Why aren't we seeing her image splashed on magazine covers? The headlines should read, "Stylist dresses client in fatally wrong clothes. "Stylist creates her own worst dressed list." "Will never work on celebrities again." "Stylist has links to Alkida." That's what I would like to see.

But I (and everyone who calls Jessica Simpson fat) need to calm down just a bit. Simpson is probably still a size 6. Which compared with all the size 1s, and 2s in Hollywood seems big. She's still very pretty. And most importantly, she still has a fantastic singing voice. So to you Us and People and OK magazines, I say -- leave Jessica alone. Get out there and get us a real story!