We're getting to the bottom of issues today, with a good hard look at a question that has been bothering the best minds in Hollywood for years now. Which Jessica has the best ass, is it Jessica A, or Jessica B? Both Jessicas sport impressive derrières. Refer, if you will, to the pictures arranged down the right side of the page, and below this piece. I've picked out several examples for you to make your own judgment on this matter.

As you have no doubt observed, a closer inspection of both bottoms reveals that Jessica B sports a more curved, rounded ass, whilst Jessica A is more of the “small, but shapely” category.

It's an obvious difference, but what does it tell us? Can we make a decision based on so little analysis? I say no. Clearly this is going to be a much more complicated issue than just picking one girl on a whim. They are both spectacular indeed, and deserving of more consideration. It is at this point that I think we should refer to the ideal ass guide for some wise guidance.

Ideal Ass Guide

There are three main factors when it comes to bottom assessment.

Shape: Shape is a very important aspect, bottoms should be nicely rounded. They should not be flat, nor should they lack shape. The closer a bottom is to being rounded, the better. A wide range of shapes exists in nature, from the almost totally flat, to the somewhat triangular, to the heart shape.

Position: A nice ass should not be too high (leading to the “bottom shelf” phenomenon), nor too low (droopy but syndrome. The ideal bottom should be perky and well aligned with the hips.

Size: Size can vary, but there should always be a decent handful. Beyond this, it is essentially a matter of taste. Some like big butts, they cannot lie. Others prefer their bottoms on the smaller scale. This is really a situation where there are no losers, only winners.

The fourth factor, one that cannot be assessed here, is of course, feel. The ass should be firm, but on a woman, not rock hard. There should be a nice squeeze factor to it, but one doesn't want to feel flesh rolling between the fingers.

The Winner!

So who wins between Jess A and Jess B? I can't make a call on this one, it's just too close to say. I think a feel test might be the only way to answer this burning question. This may be difficult to arrange at first, but with perseverance, a press pass, and some extended time at the sides of various red carpets, and the team here at Ass Assessment Inc. might just be able to come up with a result.