Hi. My name is John Stockton. Thank you for purchasing my tutorial, on how to be a better defensive player. As you know I led the league in assists AND steals. Essentially it all comes from the same swift, blinding uppercut to the cheekbone.

LESSON 1 -- Cameras Flash All The Time At An NBA Game, The Key Is To Play So Boring That Nobody Thinks It Would Be Worth It To Keep Their Camera Eye On You

Without a good easle, could Van Gogh still finger paint?

LESSON 2 -- Kneeing Of The Junk

I like to start out with a typical groin exercise. You take the guy who's dribbling, and you apply some pressure. Now, chances are he's going to dribble low. And when that happens, a quick swat will make him attempt a crossover. And when he does, you get your hand on that dribble, press down towards the floor hard so it bounces back up at his groin, and then simply apply your knee for the second blow...because as we all know, your opponent may possibly have two testicles and not just one.

LESSON 3 -- Literally Eyeing The Ballhandler

If a man can't see, he can't play basketball. That might be an old Chinese proverb, but here's a more modern one -- The pinkie is the new fist. John Stockton 3:16.

LESSON 4 -- You Can Hide Alot In A Pair of Socks

So always keep them all the way up to your knees.

LESSON 5 -- Elbows Elbows Elbows

Keep a nice steady level above your chest and swing back and forth when people drive to the hoop ala Sweatin to the Oldies.  

LESSON 6 -- If A Chop Block Hits Kobe's Forearm, And There's Too Many Defenders Around To See Who DId It, Does It Lead To A Foul?

Trust me. That answer would be nope.

LESSON 7 -- If A Man Can't Move His Hip Anymore, He Can't Dribble

Case in point, Cleveland Cavaliers' former all-star Terrell Brandon. He's faster then me, he dribbles quicker, there was even a time in the mid 90s when he could shoot better too. I wonder where he is today...

LESSON 8 -- Never Get Caught Raising Your Voice

That's key.People will be misled into thinking you're a sane, normal white guy while the guy you just elbowed in the pancreas is whining at Dick "Under The Table, Not Here" Pivetta.

LESSON 9-- Allow Sportsreporters To Continuously, Continually, Subconciously Refer To Karl Malone as a Big, Runaway Slave.

This is the best thing. Piss off the Mailman so he's ready to bodyslam your point guard in case all defenses break down and he gets past you. I'm sure you're wondering -- what could possibly make Karl Malone angry? My wife screws him with her eyes. He lives at freakin' space camp for house. Well that's because the national reporters think we're stupid when they report on the Utah Jazz. When guys defend against Karl well in a game, they say that Karl was "shackled". When they fail to get the better of him, it's declared that he "got free" or has the "freedom to create". WHAT?! And what's this "STRONG STRONG KARL MALONE!!!" business? Karl's onto that. Give him motivation. You think the only brother in Utah's incapable of assembling a crew? I don't understand. But thank you for doing it. This is John Stockton signing off, for I now must get back to doing whatever it is I do outside of basketball.

Where you going? There's more!

More?

MUCH more!

For instance, did you know that Scottie Pippen was better than Michael Jordan? You'll be a believer after you CLICK BELOW!!!

http://hubpages.com/hub/Pippen-Was-Probably-Better-Then-Michael-And-Heres-Why

http://hubpages.com/hub/John-Stocktons-Defensive-Tutorial-BRAND-NEW