Judgement from a Cat

My cat Nila has been bugging me to express her views about this world and how she feels things should really be. She is very persistent in getting the word (or should I say the meow) out. She comments on everything from daily activities, her companion Horus (the other cat in my home) and what her human companions are doing. The following are in Nila’s words.

My Very Odd Mother

I have this strange mother who I’m pretty sure isn’t a cat. She has no fur, nor a tail and she pets dogs. She does feed me and pet me. She makes a very good heated pillow. She refuses to sniff my butt no matter how many times I offer it for inspection. How does she know it’s me? There are certain things she won’t allow me to do, like go outside and fill my own food dish. I still like her but I wonder why she doesn’t like it when I lick her weird nose.

Dogs

They are the most despicable creatures and are to be hated in the nth degree. I despise any cat who even considers making friends with them. That silly knuckle head Horus is all agog when a dog comes around. He should hiss or at least follow my example by running and hiding. Instead he lets the dog lick him, leaving slobber all over his fur. Well, see if I ever offer to groom his fur again!

Windows

I insist on having the blinds raised. I must be able to watch everything that happens outside. I like to watch for my mother when she comes back. She might let me outside, or maybe she’ll have a bag of food. Of course it would be better to go outside, then I could chase the cheeky squirrel that prances on the lawn. If I could just catch him, I would have a nice meal of squirrel and some to share with my mother. I might ever let Horus have some.

Mice

Mice are a most scrumptious meal. They are infinitely better than dry food, but my mother won’t let me outside and that is where they live. I’ve gotten out a few times and slipped over to the park. They hide in the blackberries bushes and the scrubs. No one knows how many I’ve eaten because I was kind of greedy and ate them all up. Mmm, mice are so tasty.

Other cats

I only tolerate Horus. The other cats that I’ve met make me want to run from them or attack them. When I was a young cat, I was more open to socializing with other cats, but I’m very territorial now and want my space. I share my space with Horus but sometimes I feel the need to wallop him good for just being stupid.

Naps

It is important to take as many naps as possible. I insist on taking at least three before noon. After noon I take a three to four hour nap. The rest of the evening I alternate between napping and eating. I also nap at night when mother is in bed and I can use her as a heated pillow. I have several favorite places to nap. The queen-sized bed does very nicely for morning and afternoon naps. Mother is usual home in the late afternoon and I can curl up in her lap. Sometimes I need the shelter of the closet; it feels like a cave. When I feel like it, I can smack Horus to make him leave the couch. In the evening, when mother is typing at the computer, I can perch on the back of the chair. I only wish she didn’t swivel it around and make me lose my balance. At night I nap wherever I feel like it, but when it’s cold I like keeping close to mother so I can stay warm.

The Stare

One of my occupations is to sit and stare at mother. She keeps asking me why and I’ll never tell. Some times she thinks it has something to do with my food bowl and she actually gets up to put food in it. There are other times when she stares back, until one of us has to look away. When I’m in a good mood I do an eye squeeze, otherwise I just sit and stare.

Food

As I stated before, what I really want to eat are the mice at the park. But since I can’t get them, dry food must do. I have Horus ask for the food, that way he gets in trouble for waking mother up at 4:00am in the morning. If I should see mother at or around meal time, I don’t hesitate to give her a reminder chirp. She understands when I sit at the food bowl and look from it to her and back that it’s time to feed me. There are a few delicacies that I will accept from mother. Salmon is one and shrimp is the other. Occasionally I’ll toy with a piece of cheese and if offered a piece of chicken I may not turn it down. I can’t understand why Horus only wants the dry food, he’s so dumb!

Nila’s rules

(not recommended for humans)

1. When doing something naughty, be sure to blame it on someone else.

2. If you get caught doing something naughty, run!

3. Glare at whatever you don’t like or want to change.

4. Sleep wherever and whenever you please.

5.  You don't need a reason to smack the other cat.

6. Anything can be a cat toy.

7. Squirrels, mice and birds are for eating.

8. When all else fails, nap.