Jug Suraiya: You don't know him. You should.
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Jug Suraiya is one of the lesser known celebrities of India, and definitely someone who should get a lot more credit than the amount he does. Known best for his Sunday column in the Times of India, called the ‘Jugular Vein', Suraiya is one of the more humorous writers from India. He writes in English (very witty English, I might add), and has worked on a comic strip called ‘Dubyaman', a collaboration with artist Neelabh Bannerjee that came out post the 9/11 attack on the World Trade Centre. This strip was centred around American President George W. Bush's enthusiastic war against terrorism in the beginning, but as the hue and cry after the attacks died down, it shifted its focus to making a mockery on some of the more dubious politicians of India (Yes, we're the country whose Parliamentary sessions generally evolve into a less-than-civilized shoe-throwing fight).
Jug Surayia's random, self deprecating style of humour, as well as his brilliant ability to laugh at the system renders him one of India's best writers. However, it pains me to acknowledge that he isn't all that very well known outside of our country (heck, I don't think he's very well known inside of our country either. Wit is a relative measure to us Indians, and a lot of people don't understand the sort of English he writes). I'm going to try and educate whoever cares to read this hub to the brilliance that is Jug Suraiya. Hence, below, you will find some quotes. Further below, I will throw in a few strips of Dubyaman for your reading pleasure.
JUG SURAIYA QUOTES
"The way I understood it, while landlords of desirable residences did not quite line up on the railway platform waiting with garlands to welcome flat-seeking immigrants from the world outside, homes beautiful were to be had for little more than a song, plus three months' rent in advance."
"Remember, a vowel saved is a sound byte earned.'
"The vexatious question is not the tautological Who Am I? but simply Am I?"
"Rentable flats in Delhi, I discovered, were like ghosts: many believed in their existence, but not a single person you met could claim to actually have seen one."
"The arithmetic of greed is simple. Take a plot of land and build one living unit for one family, you get a one off return. Take the same plot and on it, stack up 20 living units for 20 stacked-up families, you realize 20 times the return."
"Collectively, the medical profession today is more bloodthirsty than Dracula, who in comparison seems like an anaemic vegetarian."
"Together with the philosopher's stone, squaring the circle, and recyclable dental floss, the perpetual motion machine long dreamt of by philosophers is a myth, right? Wrong. The perpetual motion machine has, in fact, long been in existence. So how come the world doesn't know about it? Simple. Everyone's been too busy attending meetings to tell the world. In short, the institution of the meeting is the perpetual motion machine, whereby the motion is forever and amen perpetuated in a series of meetings ad infinitum."
And lastly, my favourite and the longest one I have (I couldn't shorten it, it's too freaking good):
"Our ancestors, the early primates, went about their peaceable business, grubbing around for roots and suchlike, bent double and using their forelimbs. It was only when Homo Erectus stood upright on his two feet that the woes - and the wars - of the world began. Stand straight, stomach in, chest out, chin up, shoulders back, ‘ten-shun! By the left, forward march!' And before you could say sergeant-major, everyone was in uniform, and mankind in its newfound military posture had goose stepped its way to Kurukshetra, Troy, and countless fields of dubious battle. It was the end of civilization before it even began. And why? All because some upstart orangutan or other proto humanoid got a bee in his bonnet about good deportment and began to balance a dictionary on his head to improve his posture. Next stop, Hiroshima."
If you liked these, you might want to consider getting the compilation of all Jugular Vein columns. The book is called "Jug Suraiya's juggling act". Hilarious stuff.
And below: Some strips from Dubyaman.
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Comments
Suraya ji writes wonderfully and so humerously,it is beyond our imagination.Iam happy that there are great writers in our country but suraiya ji is the best.
I totally agree with the comment that most indians dont understand the kind of english that Jug Suraiya prefers. Infact wit is a wasted weapon in india.
Mr. Jug Suraiya is the columnist, who employs most stylish English in his writings.
Mr Suraiya , you've goto believe me that i am a great fan of yours. Am an avid reader of your column jugular vein in TOI,And believe me those few moments of chuckling afford me great pleasure, and become memorable and precious.
Hi, I found this site quite by accident and enjoyed the selectionsa of Jug's writings and cartoons. I'll open the site and show them to him when he gets home this evening (he is completely computer illiterate!) By the way, his name is not pronounced 'joog' but Jug so as to rhyme with bug or dug.
If that is seriously Bunny Suraiya... whoa! Heard... um, read a lot about you. And EVERYbody I know pronounces it Joog, so if that's wrong, you need to take out a press statement or something. Seriously, EVERYBODY.
If youre faking, then you are a fake faker and should go dance the polka under a full moon.
no, i'm not a faker, though the thought of a good galloping polka under a full moon is hard to resist. EVERYbody who you know, just about makes EVERYbody who hasn't met Jug, it looks like. Anyway, if you like to rponounce it joog, go ahead. Jug would be the last to cavil at a mere pronunciation :)
Seriously? Jug so as to rhyme with bug or dug or.. jug? Out of which people pour water? That kind of jug???
Even if you are a fake faker (and there's probably no way I will ever find out!) I prefer to believe that you are Bunny... primarily because it just makes me happy that Bunny Suraiya would read my hub about her husband, even though I'm teaching people to mispronounce his name.
So! Have a nice day, and I will change that bit.
Feel free to dance the polka under the full moon if you wish. I will invent a new punishment for the fake fakers who fake out there.
Hi Maylinda,
A lot of people have a problem with pronouning Jug's name; you're not the only one, so cheer up. I guess they find it hard to believe that the obvious pronunciation is the correct one. Jug was named Jagdish (pr. Jugdeesh) because he was born in the temple town of Puri, which is famous for its annual Jagannath chariot festival from which the word Juggernaut is derived. Jagdish is the modern version of Jagannath (rather like Moshe for Moses), and its shortened form is Jug -- although our Jug is the only one who spells it that way. Others spell the short form as Jag, but even so it's pronounced to rhyme with bug and not with hag. I hope you find this this bit of jug-trivia entertaining
Very. I knew where Jagdish was derived from, though, so if you'd only told me the part where it's short for Jagish, I'd have understood.
In other news, I told my mom about this here conversation, and she said rather enthusiastically, "Tell her we also live in Gurgaon!" Make of that information what you will, I'm only relaying it to you. She also said "It must really be Bunny! Because it's true that Jug is computer illiterate!" To which I replied, "I don't know where you're picking up all this information from, but if YOU know it, so must a lot of people."
Anyway. It's night now, so, goodnight! :)
Hi Melinda,
Living in Gurgaon...is it a cause for celebration or condolences? When we moved here we thought of it as a pastoral idyll -- and it was. But over the last couple of years we find ourselves living in themiddle of a wannabe Wall St! Not great.
A lot of our friends and acquaintances have been asking where Jugular Vein has gone, so I thought I'd post the changed day here: It's out every Saturday instead of Sunday on the editorial page of the TOI. And Jug's Second Opinion columns come out -- also on the editorial page -- every Monday and Wednesday.
Cheers to you and your Mom.
P.S. Most of our friends address Jug as Jug (rhymes with bug), but invariably write to him as Jugs! Don't know what to make of that!
I just couldn't showing my writing skills...no, honestly, was checking through, when came across this conversation, between Maylinda and the famous Bunny Suraiya! Am a great fan of Jug, I find him comparable to P.G.Wodehouse, in matters of sarcasm, language and wit...A request, please ask him to start up his own blog...that would be for us fans, the best way to interact with him...
Maylinda, ripping work, couldn't have been better...if any day, you want to start a fansite for him...I am game for it...stay classic, both of you... - grey.
(sumantra_1983@yahoo.co.in)
Hi Bunny,
I like the wannabe wall street. A city girl through and through, that's me. No pastoral idylls, thanks. I'd DIE of boredom.
I will tell mom cheers, though she may collapse from the excitement and need smelling salts or something.
And, um, people are fan mailing your husband here, so, you might want to let him know.
Hi Maylinda,
Yes, I've told Jug about your site and offered to open it for him so that he can see it and maybe leave a comment. But he's too bashful to do it.
Maybe he has a point...
Bunny
Oooh, oooh, count me in too! I'm a really big Jug fan and Bunny, thanks you ma'am for letting us know that his column is still running...just moved to a different day. I've been really missing his writing for weeks now. Say a big hi to him from Dubai.
I don't like the attitude with which you proclaim that Jug's english is wasted in India. Makes you come across as an adolescent who's still struggling like the toad that lived in the well and thought....
rightie. first things first: what exactly did the toad think?
next: the attitude? What attitude exactly are you talking about that has disgusted you so much? Some specifics wouldn't hurt, you know.
thirdly: I AM an adolescent. Are you trying to make that a bad thing now? What, are we not allowed to be teenagers anymore? What's your point?
Once you clear these up for me, maybe I will deign to reply to your flamey and poorly written comment. That will be all.
"what exactly did the toad think?"
I wonder if you've never come across this very hindi witticism. Usually it's enough to say "kuen ka mendhak". If it still doesn't ring a bell, I'd divulge more details, but it'd be fun if you asked someone and found out what the toad/mendhak thought.
"I AM an adolescent"
That settles the argument.
"What's your point?"
Saying "Jug's english/witticism is wasted in India" is immature. Umm, are you Indian? Or you are Indian but different from "them other unlettered Indians", are there different Indias? or the fact that every morning general Indians don't wake up singing "we love you Jug" bother you? I can't understand, what is YOUR point??
Being a full blooded adolescent earns you the right to generous discount on random gaffes suchlike. And I extend that to you fully :)
Oh and apart from that statement which really rankled me, I thought this was a pretty cool page. I landed here looking for info on Jug when even the wiki was so short on it. Do inform if there's resources where I can find out about Jug, the man, a more personal account.
Erm, all I really meant by that line was, well, if you go into my school or whatever, like one in twenty people is going to know who Jug Suraiya is, if that, and that's sad. I mean, maybe my sample space is the wrong kind or something. Teenage lukhas dont ordinarily read political humor, well, not the majority of them anyway. You don't have to go all up in arms about it. Maybe throw in whatever you might have observed regarding the popularity of Jug. I don't know. Don't just get up and flame me. It's downright rude. I don't want the nation to sing "We love Jug" alongside the Gayatri Mantra or anything, but it would be nice if he got a BIT more recognition than what I have noticed. And if you think I noticed wrong, say that.
Thank you for the gaffe discount.
I'm glad you liked the page, I just wanted to spread the good word as you can see. You might have said that in your earlier comment, JUST to be nice. Wouldn't hurt. Try it sometimes. Constructive criticism plus a light compliment. I've heard it works.
And I about the mendhak, don't tell me here, I'll find out on my own. Clearly it can't say anything very good about your opinion of me, so I'd rather you didn't put it up on this page, otherwise I'm afraid I will have to deny that comment.
Have a nice day :)
heyyyyy glad to see soo many people,(other than me me ) found sundays all that much sunnier becoz of jug suraiya's jugular vein..oh plzzzzzz do start ur blog
i had a great time reading the posts printed before this one here. You all rock! And no i am not an adolescent. Just lacking the grey matter to come up with a witty wit.
Hi Maylinda,
Some folks here have expressed the desire to have Jug start a blog. Well, he's done it and promised to update it every week. I'm pasting the link below so that you and anyone else who cares to can leave comments - Jug says he's ready to accept bouquets as well as brickbats with equal aplomb.
http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/juggleban
Cheers.
Bunny
I have always been Mr. Suraiya's fan since the time I started reading his columns. I think his has been underated, he deserves lot more accolade.I wish I could write like him,it simply cheers you up even during the time of dejection and brings simle on the face.
One of the few pages where the comments were juicier than the actual post! Maybe that's because I already knew almost everything the mango people know about Jug. I mean, the aam junta. His writing is superlative, humor par excellence, his wit a work of wonder. I also followed Dubyaman for years and can't get through my week without Jugular Vein. I've cut out so many of his articles over the years.
Bunny! Fancy bumping into you here. J.V. is your column as much as Jug's. And how is Brindle?
Maylinda, I can understand most people at the school level aren't really into satirical or political humor. You are an exception. But rest assured that almost everyone in my office is a huge Jug fan. The older the Indian citizen gets, the more popular Jug gets. One has to be of a certain maturity level to even get his writing, don't you think?
About extra-India popularity, I just told a friend in Montreal about Jug and sent him the link to this page. So I've done my bit to save the world. There is hope yet.
There we are then. I applaud you, F.T.
I'm glad you enjoyed the comments. They're a treat, aren't they ;)
Almost as succulent as the chicken from *Kabab Magic! If you like Jug Suraiya then I'm sure you're a fan of Bachi Karkaria as well. Scathing articles, jaw-dropping repartee. I especially like her Alec Smart quips, they leave me rofling.
*famous kabab joint in Bangalore
Hahahah, yes, I never got over the word "Erratica"! It's always going to be funny. And I love the strategically placed hindi words she throws in. Lots of wry smiling!
Hi FT, maybe u want to remove the F part of your name considering the pandemic??
Thanks for asking after Brindle. She's fine and in no mood to encourage the advances of Himal, the ingratiating little kitten who's become a part of our extended family and absolutely adores her. I think Himal thinks Brindle is his mum. But she's not having any of that.
really inspiring.......in fact i read TOI for his articles
Even There is galloping inflation which the government refuses to acknowledge (arhar dal at 100/- per kilo)
I am glad to say that the rent I receive from my tenant has stood at Rs. 84.40 per month.
It was let out at a time when gold was Rs.50 a tola, and is now at 15,000/- the government has seen to it that I do not receive any more.
The government also suffers from this as there are a number of Government owned - centrally located houses ( with a lawn and 4 rooms kitchen and bathroom) in lucknow where the rent is Rs.22/-per month.
Parking a car 100 meters from these houses costs just Rs.10/- for 4 hours.
Haha :) That's just my pseudonym, they call me Ulfet Tirmizi in the real world. Canine-feline nakhras, super stuff! I'm sure they're thick as thieves by now. Wonder if they even realize they're different species. Oh, to be an animal! Hmm. I wonder if Jug's actually gotten round to reading this page.
i literally loved this site which i jst hppnd to click by co-incidence n the best part was to find Mrs. Suraiya's comments.....i have been collecting a lot of stuff about Mr.Jug Suraiya lately and this site helped me a lot!!
i am a die-hard FAN of his and i truely blv him of as a great person n a writer!...SIR, i jst wish to let u knw that i personally like and respect u a lot!!...may u live long life n keep enlightening the distraughted youth like us!!........
i'm a die hard fan of jug suraiya and i literally buy the toi only to read his articles.... i've started reading him only for 6 months or so after i recently subscribed for toi but since i read his first article i knew he ought to be placed in the hall of fame of the most respected witty humorous authors. he has a knack for connecting two entirely different things.... for eg., his recent article DA VINCI KODA.... HATS OF TO YOU SIR... i'm in eager pursuit of his previous articles trying to lay my hands on as many as i can
lubna says:
17 months ago
gr8! like u am also fan of his hilarious writings.
liked it ! good .