There are some hard times going on in the world this decade... especially for us hardcore Horror Fans out there. Our loyalty and devotion to the genre leaves us SO optimistic, that we end up wasting our lives away in the movie theaters watching all these awful, studio assembly line remakes. The small kernel of hope comes from those little gems such as Zach Snyder's Dawn of the Dead (2004) and Miike's Happiness of the Katakuris (2003). Remakes like that have earned themselves the title, "reimaginings". But, alas, the horror enthusiast is brainwashed into their seat with stolen, undeserved labels that even the original crew refuse to associate themselves with (cough, The Wicker Man (2006), cough).

    And, so... with that little rant in mind I now start one of the easiest lists for any horror geek to write about. The support to the anonymous claim said years ago, "Horror remakes suck!"

                                      DISCLAIMER: This is not in any particular order.

1. The Wicker Man (2006)

I know this is the first one to come to all of your minds. So, I decided to just get it out of the way. Whoever gave the green light to director Neil LaBute for this movie needs to just... go die, pretty much. Reasons? Uh, 1: Nicolas Cage. 2. The movie.
'nuff said. Moving on.

2. Psycho (1998)

Technically not in this decade, but I just have to put it in here since we're on the subject of bad horror movie remakes. Director Gus Van Sant decided to use the precious Psycho for his little experiment on what a shot-for-shot remake would be like. He delivered just that: a shot-for-shot Psycho (plus a scene of Vince Vaughn as Norman Bates masturbating to a naked Anne Heche as Marion Crane), filled with a bunch of A-list actors who didn't hold up their end of the deal. Our beloved villain Bates was portrayed as a mere perv, and for that alone I banish this movie.
A nice try, Van Sant, but it will remain on the list of one of the worst horror remakes of all time.

3.
4.
5.... [Insert American Remake of Asian Horror Here] (2000s)

I don't even know where to begin with this one. In 2002, Gore Verbrinski started the whole American remake thing with The Ring. Based off of Hideo Nakata's film Ringu (1998) as well as Koji Suzuki's novel of the same name, it actually went pretty well. However, everything after that was just going downhill. The Grudge came out in 2004, trying to boost off the momentum The Ring gave off, succeeding as far as profit goes. It also had the advantage of having the same director as the original however many adaptions( Ju-On (2000), Ju-On - The Grudge (2003)), Takashi Shimizu. The next year came Dark Water (2005), which was adapted into way too much of a drama by Touchstone Pictures, a.k.a. Disney. Then of course there were the sequels of the Ring AND the Grudge, The Ring Two (2005) and The Grudge 2 (2006). To sum up these two I'll just say: hilarious deer attack, slow, repeat of the first film, nothing to do with their originals. Pulse (2006) lacked the depth and emotional value of its original (Kairo (2001)). One Missed Call (2008) was just lame. The ring tones tell it all! How dare they touch Takashi Miike's movie! The Eye (2008) didn't work either. Again, the emotional value was gone.
In conclusion, America just needs to stay away from Asian horror. Need proof? See above.

10. When A Stranger Calls (2006)

A fake horror movie. You get scared by everything else and and the cat (literally) and then the killer shows up. Made only for those preppy teenagers that don't know how to appreciate real horror classics. Not comparable to the original 1979 version.

11. The Fog (2005)

This was actually surprising to me because original director, John Carpenter, wrote the script. Basically, the ending kills what the plot was already torturing. It's one of those... happy/sad ones where the guy looks off into the distance, obviously missing the girl. Aw, how horrifying.

12. The Omen (2006)

First of all... the cheesy marketing under 6/6/06. Ha-ha, tricky you are. That's understandable. However, when all you give us after all that marketing is a shot-for-shot remake with some unnecessary shot of the planes hitting the Twin Towers? Not so understandable, my friend.. The soundtrack is also non-existent compared to the Academy Award winning original. Finally, all the biblical references "connecting" to all these bombings and such was just annoying. Over-done, thanks. Oh, and sorry, but our American kids will never be as creepy as their British counterparts.


In the end, this list is pretty much endless since Hollywood refuses to stop making bad horror remakes. I'm sure I missed some, and there are surely many more to come in the future. One I can name right off is The Ring 3, which is apparently trying to come out in 2011. It also might be in 3-D. There's always something to draw us in. The light was off when all I heard was "The Ring 3..." but then a "D" came after it and I was attracted like a moth. But who knows. Maybe a miracle will happen. Maybe a spawn of amazing remakes like in the 80s will arise. If not.. well, the box office won't suffer. We will come back. We always come back...