Just Say No To High School Cliques
78How to cope with high school cliques
Reaching out to students who are struggling to fit into high school cliques
I'm writing this hub to reach out to adolescents and teenagers who are in middle school (junior high), high school and even college and university who are suffering by not being accepted into cliques. This hub was inspired by and is dedicated to all my wonderful high classmates who were not part of the in crowd and who have grown into some of the most amazing and kindest people I know today.
What is a clique? Are you in or are you out?
The definition of a clique is a "small group of exclusive people." The term is also mis-spelt high school click! Usually they are self-formed and not formal groups. They can be based on number of criteria including looks and appearance (the "beautiful people"), financial status (rich brats), sports teams affiliations (jocks) and personal interests such as music band, choir and math club (geeks).
I have hated cliques since I was ditched by my best friend for a clique in the 6th grade
Throughout my years in school and even into adulthood I have struggled with cliques. I have never liked them and they've never liked me! When I was in the sixth grade my best friend deserted me and a few other of my close friends to join what would become the biggest clique in my high school.This particular clique remained the in crowd of my graduating high school class until graduation.
Since this bad experience when I was 12 the idea of cliques has always left a bad taste in my mouth. During those high school years I struggled to become a member of this clique. I can even remember at the time seeing other students struggling to become part of the "in" crowd and thinking that their desperation to be accepted was pathetic.
Cliques will remain part of your life well into adulthood so learn to cope NOW!
In college I noticed cliques formed in my dormitory and when I was working in the professional word I also noticed that there was a clique of "in" people among the various companies in my industry. Cliques will never go away and will be a part of your life well into adulthood. So, it's best to start dealing with them now!
The desire and need to be accepted by cliques is a major cause for unhappiness and depression
The reason I disdain cliques is that the desire to join them and be accepted is a major source of unhappiness for those who are not accepted. The other day I saw a show on TV about a young high school student who tried to end her life because she got kicked out of her clique.
The smartest way to deal with unfriendly cliques is to WALK AWAY FROM THEM!
My message for all teens and young people who are struggling trying to get accepted by the "in" crowd: You simply don't need them. If you have the courage - tell those snobs straight to their faces, "I do not need you and I'm infinitely happier on my own." I wish I was told this from a very young age but I was not.
Does being part of the in clique really matter that much anyways?
So, no matter where you are in your life I'm quite confident you'll find much more happiness by simply having the confidence to walk away from these cliques. Now that I'm an adult I'm very happy just having a few close and kind friends and perfectly at ease not being a member of any sort of clique whatsoever. So what if you're not a member. Ask yourself - "If I was actually part of the in-crowd just how much would it change my life?" Probably it would help you a little bit but not much. And, if you were to get kicked out of the clique you'd be devastated.
Walk away from the snobby cliques and never look back
My recommendation: Leave the clique and all its members behind. They don't need you and you don't need them. The place you want to see them is in your rear-view mirror as your driving off towards your future. Rather than dwelling on the fact that you're not accepted in the clique why not spend your precious time and intellectual energy pursuing your personal interests. And, if I ask you what your interests are don't tell me that you don't have any! There must be somethings that you're interested in - certain sports, animals, comics, computer games, graphic design, etc. etc.
Find happiness on your own and with newly found friends who share similar interests as you
You get my point. Focus your time not only on your studies but on what sincerely interests you. By doing this you'll get your mind off of those nasty cliques and on to better and more productive subjects which in the end will get you better grades, make you a happier person, and possibly more financially successful after college. And, by walking away from these nasty unfriendly clicques NOW you'll probably find some new cooler friends who share similar interests, goals and ambitions. With these newly found friends and with a boost in self-confidence you'll be sure to find a lot more happiness.
Don't be afraid to reach out for help!
If you find that you continue to struggle with not being accepted by these cliques don't be afraid to reach out for help. People you can turn to for advice are your parents, older brothers and sisters, guidance counselors, teachers, existing friends in school and friends you meet online. Just remember that as somebody struggling to cope with cliques you are not alone and that there are plenty of people out there who would be delighted to help you!
I'd love to hear from you!
I hope this hub has helped you. If you agree, disagree, think I left out some key points or have any general comments be sure let me know in the comment section! I've also included some books below for further reading. Thanks! :-)
Typical High School In Crowd Clique - YUCK!
Books Worth Reading on Amazon About Teenage Self Esteem
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The Real High School Handbook: How to Survive, Thrive, and Prepare for What's Next
Price: $1.50
List Price: $13.00 |
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High School's Not Forever
Price: $2.70
List Price: $12.95 |
|
Be True to Yourself: A Daily Guide for Teenage Girls
Price: $5.90
List Price: $17.95 |
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The Self-esteem Companion: Simple Exercises to Help You Challenge Your Inner Critic & Celebrate Your Personal Strengths
Price: $9.16
List Price: $17.95 |
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What Your Mother Never Told You: A Teenage Girls Survival Guide
Price: $14.95
List Price: $14.95 |
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Developing Emotional Literacy with Teenage Boys: Building Confidence, Self Esteem and Self-Awareness (Lucky Duck Books)
Price: $28.95
List Price: $32.95 |
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200 Ways to Raise a Girl's Self-Esteem: An Indispensible Guide for Parents, Teachers & Other Concerned Caregivers
Price: $5.87
List Price: $16.95 |
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Don't Give It Away! : A Workbook of Self-Awareness and Self-Affirmations for Young Women
Price: $3.39
List Price: $11.95 |
|
The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
Price: $9.12
List Price: $18.00 |
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Comments
Thanks very much, withlovearun!
I hope a LOT of kids in highschool read it, it may help a few see their situation. though of course their insecurity is what they're supposed to be feeling - it's what everyone feels at that age (yes, even the 'incrowd').
Hi Spirituality - Thanks for your comment! Interesting the incrowd is insecure too!
I was never in the "popular cliques" in my high school years...was a "non cliquer" myself...but now, after almost 20 years since graduating high school, I am the one who has a professional job after studying my tail off in college for my BS and MS and drive a nice car and work out and am buffed now and have the former hot looking cheerleader type girls now chasing me ! They never even used to give me a second look in high school. Be glad that you are NOT in the popular cliques...every single former jock and cheerleader in my high school did not do much in their lives AFTER graduating high school. I am thankful that I was never in the popular cliques in high school...it made me a better person both inside and outside.
ha - great comment stlgy90. thanks!
Thanks dawei888. Yes, very true for my High School out in PA where I grew up. I now am a professional and live in NYC now ! Love it too ! I have my 20 year reunion soon. As I have joined FaceBook, I have seen that 99.9% of the "popular clique" people (jocks and cheerleaders) have not had such "spectacular" lives AFTER we all got out of High School. Once they graduated HS, they were all like "fish out of water". They relied on their popularity all through junior high school up through HS graduation. But, once they got out into the "real world", now, it's all within your own control what to do with your life and what you make of it. Well, they were still trying to rely on their "clique network" after HS and as a result, they found out the hard way that once they are out of HS, they are like any other person whose 18 years of age out of HS, be it "popular" or "not popular". Everyone was on a level playing field out of HS in "life". All the cliques don't matter jack once your out of HS. Life is what you make of it for yourself via your hard work and determination and those clique people had everything done for them by their friends, coaches, and parents in some cases throughout their 7th grade to 12th grade years.
I used to be one of the kids in junior high that was picked on and beat up alot just because I looked different from the typical "rednecks" in the small town I grew up in and the fact that I was never in any "clique". I would tell kids today who get picked on that fear not...after 20 years from your HS graduation, those same bullies and jerks who picked on you....will be working for YOU.
stlgy90 - if u come back onto this hub - thanks! great comment - just read it all. like how u said "they'll be working for you!" how true. i know the "in crowd" from my high school is still relying on their own foolish group to boost themselves up! i'd tell young people to try to understand the importance of wanting to be in the 'in crowd' really is meaningless in the long run. thanks.
Hi dawei888, yes, even in my HS, it's the same thing...the "popular crowd" now in their later 30s, is still trying to "act like" they are still in HS. I will tell you that with my HS, the MAJORITY of these same "popular clique" people are divorced now with small children and had to move back in with their parents due to the financial implications of their divorces. They now find themselves single parents and have very limited or little "dating/social" lives due to their financial situations. I also know of some other former popular people who ended up in the world of alcohol and drug abuse after HS life was over. I have noticed that the more popular the person was (at my school), the worse their lives spun out of control after HS. Sad thing is that they will or are probably teaching or will teach their children about trying to join the same cliques when they reach the junior high school age group. It's a vicious cycle, because even these people's parents were the former "popular cliques" back in their HS days as well.
Every single non-clique person that I have ever known in my HS, all have done very well for themselves in all facets of their lives, work, relationships, family, etc.
hey stlgy90 - same for my high school - all the "non-cool" people from back then are doing really well now! the in click from my snobby high school are still trying to hang on to their status on facebook though! i had a funny experience where i worked for a ski mountian a few years ago and ran into somebody from my school's in clique there several times. he was just as much as an arrogant snob at the age of 30+ as 17! i couldn't believe it!
Some of my friends who were "non cliquers" as well now have done well for themselves and are professionals or so. Several of them told me of stories where they were back home visiting their folks for the holiday seasons and were eating out at some restaurants and they saw that the same "snobby popular clique" people from their HS years happened to end up waiting on them. It's so ironic isn't it? Yes, I see the same thing on FB as well...these popular people will "Ignore" friend requests from people that were NOT in their clique in HS. What I end up seeing is that these same popular people are not so popular anymore and the cheerleaders are not "all that" anymore in their looks either and I am talking about ones who are still single and have not yet had any children either. Sometimes, I do feel sad for people like them, because HS was about as good as their lives ever got and they are desperate to hold on to those "glory years" of theirs. There is so much more to life than "High School". The recent movie "17 again" touches up a little bit about this issue as well. "Married With Children" used to touch on this issue alot, with Ed O'Neil's character, Al Bundy, for whom, HS was as good as it ever got in life
When I attended my 10 year reunion, one of my close friends (another fellow non-cliquer) told me that he had overheard some of the "popular clique" people there gossiping and they were all commenting how they were surprised that I had actually turned out so successful in life and looked totally different. They all "pigeon holed" me to achieve "x" amount of success only and to look like I did exactly from my HS years...a skinny plain guy back then. They see that I am very buffed now, way more than the former jocks themselves were in their HS days and they were "shocked". I love it ! Makes me want to wear a tank top to my 20 year when it arrives...lol. It's this type of attitude that I laught at with the "clique people". They now see me and they are very jealous and envious because they see someone they felt was "inferior" to themselves (in their HS years) now has "bettered" themselves both in their physical and emotional and intellectual aspects of their lives. I have always been the type of person whereI do what I want and don't care what other people think about it. So, if the "popular people" at my school don't like me for working hard and "bettering myself" in life...too bad for them.
Hello,
I appreciate this site. We read it together. My son,who you would think would fit in by looking at him, is a theater type and very talented. He finds it difficult to develop closer friendships.
This helps! He is a very friendly guy. Wish I could make it better.
withlovearun says:
6 months ago
Thanks for sharing.... Good information,well presented... I will bookmark this great article for student counsiling