• Remind yourself that you and your mate are on the same side--- you might argue over specific issued, but remember you both really want the same thing: a healthy marriage.

• Communicate to hear and be heard, not to win. “Remember that winning an argument isn’t necessarily winning in the broadest sense of the marriage,” said Dr. Ned Gaylin, director of marriage and family therapy education at the University of Maryland. “If you want to communicate---not just win an argument---you have to first hear what your spouse is saying.”

• Realize it’s not your job to teach your mate right and wrong. You and your spouse won’t always agree on the right way to do things. But instead of arguing, you should simply explain to your mate why you believe something should be done a certain way--- and if he or she had different ideas, try to work out a compromise. If that isn’t possible it’s probably best for you to just drop the matter.

“For example, if your spouse wants to paint the living room light blue with dark blue curtains, and you would prefer white walls with red curtains, you may be able to find a compromise set of colors for the walls and drapes you both like,” said Tulane University social psychologist Fredrick Koenig.

Even if you let your partner pick the color he or she wants, you’ll grow to accept them.

• Make requests, not demands.

There’s something about a demand that automatically puts someone’s back up,” said Dr. Gaylin.

Instead of saying, “Drive Jennifer to cheerleading practice,” asks: “Would you drive Jennifer to cheerleading Practice?”

• Ask for what you need--- your partner can’t read your mind.

“People often expect their partner to know what they need without telling them. Then they turn around and yell at their mate for not knowing and being insensitive.”

• Don’t worry if you feel jealous sometimes. Being jealous shows you care. It’s flattering in small doses.

• Put your self in your spouse shoes. For example, if your mate has never gotten along well with your mother and feels uncomfortable when the two of you go to your parents’ home, agree to set a time limit on the visits. If you’re aware of your spouse’s feelings, it’s easier for you to help him or her deal with the situation.