Keep Your Mouth Shut, or, What Not to Say
71Introduction
This hub was spurred by a conversation I had with my best friend. We were chatting one day about anger or something, and she asked me was I ever mad enough to want to hit someone, and I replied no, not really. I did share that I was mad enough one time to throw a coffee cup across the room, but that was about it. As far as my actually hitting someone, no, but I did get into a fight with a girl in school once. She was surprised, and asked me what happened. Here's the story.
Growing Up in the Sixties
The town I grew up in was 1.8 miles square. Growing up, I remember that there was a bar on almost every corner. In 1981, in Rand McNally's ‘Places Rated Almanac' it listed 37 bars, the most per capita in the country. That equated to one for every 218 residents. It was also listed in a publication of the Guinness Book of Records as having the most bars. I guess it was quite a thirsty town. Quite a few of the establishments were known locally as family bars, which meant, I guess, that they had a homey feel to them. The town's population was, and still is, comprised mostly of families of Irish and Polish descent, who came to work here at the turn of the century on any of the three railroads that ran through the town.
I loved my town and had a wonderful childhood filled with mostly good memories. The movie ‘It's a Wonderful Life' always reminds me of my hometown. Everyone knew everyone. It was safe to walk the streets, to hang out at night and even leave doors unlocked.
I enjoyed my school years, especially high school. I had a lot of fun going to the dances and basketball games. Every Friday and Saturday night for four years I'd go skating at the roller rink. I used to get $2 a week allowance, and that $2 bought me admission for two nights of skating (I had my own skates, so it was cheaper) with enough left over to buy a soda and a candy bar. Today, $2 won't even get you around the corner.
The Crowd
By freshman year, I had a core group of girls I hung around with. Judy was a petite girl who loved to laugh. Barbara was a pretty, pleasantly plump girl who we looked to for help with our schoolwork when needed. Gloria was from the wrong side of the tracks, but a very pretty, petite girl who was always pushing the envelope, so to speak. By that I mean, she smoked, cursed and stayed out late, which I was envious of, since I had to be a good girl and wasn't allowed out on weeknights. The last girl, Carol, was a tall, willowy blonde, but also a bit rough around the edges. It didn't matter to us because we liked her a lot. Myself, I was a 5'6" brunette with a decent shape and I was a shameless flirt. I remember, from 7th grade on, I always had a romantic crush on someone, as opposed to my grammar school infatuations.
All of us smoked, and I think we all owned leather coats or jackets. We had to look cool. None of us ever lacked for dates. Barbara hooked up with a guy in 8th grade, dated him all through high school and ended up marrying him. Judy and I tended to like the same guys, and sometimes shared them, separately of course!. These guys were generally tall and good-looking. So, if Judy happened to break up with someone, I'd go after him, and would sometimes end up going steady with him. Our tastes in guys varied. Judy, Gloria and I liked the ‘cool' guys, the ones with the slicked back hair, who wore leather jackets and smoked. Carol dated older guys that didn't go to our school. Barbara didn't have a ‘type' that she gravitated toward .
I had a major crush on one of our guy friends. His name was Leo. He used to attend our school dances with his friends, who were all pretty cool. He had a steady girlfriend, but they fought like cats and dogs. Every time they had a fight, he'd come ask me to dance, or to go out on a date. Of course, I'd go because I thought he was the best looking guy in school, not to mention he was as big a flirt as I was. Really, it was innocent. We just enjoyed each other's company and shared a few smooches, nothing more. Nothing ever became of him and I, and he went on to marry the girl he dated.
Academically, my friends and I all did well, and almost always stayed out of trouble, with one exception.
Interactions
Carol wasn't too popular with some of the girls in our school. One girl in particular, a grade behind us, was Carol's archenemy. All I know is that they tended to get into fights a lot. I recall many days when she'd say to me, I'm meeting Peggy today after school in the playground and I'm gonna beat the shit out of her. Wanna come? I never did find out what the beef was between her and Peggy, but those two got into hair-pulling, fingernail scratching catfights a lot. .
Carol would often ask me if I wanted to come watch, and my answer was almost always no. See, my father was very strict with me once I hit high school. There was a bar cater-cornered to the high school (what a surprise), and he'd go there at lunchtime and watch out the window to make sure my car was at school. My mom, on the other hand, was my ally. Since my dad worked shift work, the weeks he worked the 8 to 4 shift I loved, because it meant I didn't have to be home straight from school. As long as I was home by 4 pm I was safe.
One day, Carol said she was going to be in a fight after school with one of the seniors. We were juniors at the time. I asked her where was it taking place, and she said at Bill's Sweet Shop, which was a block away from the school. This sweet shop catered to the public school kids as well as parochial school kids. My dad was working his 8 to 4 shift, so I said I'd come along if she wanted moral support. She said sure. Nancy, the senior Carol was going to fight, was as tall as Carol.
So, school ends and off we go to the sweet shop. Nancy decided to bring along her best friend, a skinny shorter Italian girl named Maria. We went inside the shop and ordered some sodas. In walks Nancy and Maria. They walked over by us, and Carol and Nancy started shouting at each other. I just sat there sipping my soda, watching. I could tell Carol was getting pretty angry. Nancy's friend, Maria, was just standing there next to Nancy as the argument was heating up. Now, mind you, to this point, I had never been in a fight in my life, not even a shouting match with another girl. So, what did quiet, non-aggressive Patty do? I turned around and said to Maria, hey, you're the 3rd party here, why don't you stick up for your friend, to which she replied shut up. I then said (pardon the slur), why don't you just shut your damn mouth, you damn ‘wop'. That's all I had to say, and the last I remember of being in the sweet shop. The next thing I knew I was outside the front of the sweet shop lying in the snow with Maria sitting on top of me, wailing the shit out of me. Of course, there was a huge audience, all the kids shouting, catfight, catfight. I remember I had on a black fitted dress and a fake suede coat. My coat was unbuttoned and my dress was hiked up to my thighs. I could hear the kids shouting, look at her eye, look at her eye. I guess I was in shock, because she had my arms pinned down above my head with one hand and was hitting me with the other. All I could do was kick my legs (which I'm sure the boys loved). At some point it ended. Carol and Nancy never did get into their fistfight.
Now, as I got up I could see my pocketbook was lying in the snow, and as I bent to pick it up, I could see that my stockings were ripped to shreds, my legs were bloody, and my face was bleeding.
I knew immediately that I was definitely going to be late getting home. I started to worry about the trouble I was facing when I walked in because my Dad was home from work by then. When I walked in the house, of course, I didn't have to say a word, my appearance said it all. But, I had to tell my parents how and why it happened. My Dad was surprisingly not mad at me, but mad at the fact that I didn't get one punch in. I tried to explain how I was pinned down, but it didn't matter. Go figure! All my Mom did was cry.
Come Monday, off to school I went. I didn't know what to expect as far as a reaction from the kids. All I knew was that I was feeling very embarrassed. Not only were the kids from my school observing that fight, but so were kids from the parochial schools. As I walked down the hall, I heard a guy call my name. I turned to look, and it was a senior, one of our star basketball players (and very good looking). He said, check this out, and he held out a hunk of hair. It was mine.
I didn't even realize that Maria managed to get a piece of my hair. All I managed to do was say, haha, very funny. Looking back, I'm surprised they didn't hang it on a bulletin board or something. Boys!
Update
Well, let's see. Barbara and I are now both widows. Judy is divorced and living out west somewhere. I was told Gloria lives somewhere in Florida. Carol has since passed on from alcoholism. My friend Leo, who sometimes got into some mischief in high school, grew up to be the Chief of Police. I never would have believed it, but I always knew he was special.
Moral of the Story
Walk away from trouble and keep your mouth shut,
Happy Days Opening Theme song Seasons 1 & 2
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Comments
It worked for me ever since :)
Thanks for commenting.
This advice is also applicable in the internet, which has gotten worse and comments are getting nastier. You followed a Zen-like approach and worked great. Well done.
You brought all of the characters to life , I could hear them shouting , screaming and punching. It is sad that yu lost someone already but your town sounds absolutely wonderful , and you are right we need to be quite sometimes. I was a teenager in the 80's and I remember a girl named Lisa who moved into our neighborhood, her older sister was a bully and always wanted her to fight. Needless to say we ended up in one and believe me I wasn't a fighter either. I beat the bejeebers out of her, for calling my mother things she shouldn't have needless to say nobody tempted to fight with me again and a lot of respect was earned. My parents never got on me either and from that day on through High School she always walked on her side of the street. Looking back it was all silly and if I could change it now I would as it would have been nice of we could have been friends , and she was only looking for friends and she ended up a loner which made me feel really bad.
Great hub, and I loved the moral, so true. I was never fighter either, then one day a girl raised her hand to me school and in a split second I slapped her hard around the face. The slap could be heard across the school playing field. She was so shocked that she didn't say a word, and just turned around and walked away. I was left kind of staring at my hand as it it had a life of it's own, as at no point do I remember deciding to hit her, it was a total reflex action.
wow you are a tough one...I have thrown food i prepared at the wall...dish and all...when I had prepared a nice meal for my ex hubby who came home from work to report he already ate (he was late and I thought he was working hard) it hit the wall slowly sliding down to the floor and all over the floor, broken dish pieces included. I walked away and went to bed...only to get up in the morning to the mess...I thought HE would clean up since I was so upset??? and speechless... Never did that again...Thanks for a special hub...G-Ma :o) Hugs
hi cgull,
I'm certainly glad I learned! Sadly, some folks never do.
BTW, a seagull is my favoriite bird :)
Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
hi AEvans,
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I like the insight you share that the girl was probably only looking for friends but simply didn't know how to go about it. Instead, she further isolated herself. Very sad. Do you ever wonder what happened to her?
Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)
Wow Misty! Certainly your self-preservation instinct kicked in. I had an opposite reaction once. A very long time ago, someone much younger than my mom slapped her in the face. My mom slapped her back. I was in such total shock I did nothing, it felt as if I were frozen in time. It was a not so nice situation, which thankfully, resolved itself after a length of time.
Thanks so much for commenting :)
Oh G-Ma, I wouldn't say I was tough LOL,,,,I had the battle scars to prove it. Quite interestingly, you and I share an almost exact same experience. My hubby's favorite meal was stuffed cabbage, and if you've ever made it, you know it takes a long time to put together. So, he too came home late, only by then I was fuming. But he said to me, where's my dinner? And I didn't move off the couch and just said it's on the stove, help yourself. (definitely not the real me, must have been my alter-ego) With that, he got mad and dumped the pot all over the floor. What a mess! And did he clean it up? Hell no. I was sorely tempted to leave it in the pot with all the debris from the floor mixed up in it and offer it to him for breakfast lol,,,however, I knew better :)
Thanks for commenting :)
Trish, thanks, I used to be short tempered when young but it doesn't help, the friends just shy away from that. Now I am very calm :) Life is very short, we should be more forgiving, no point in holding grudges for long.
Hi cgull,
Isn't that interesting? I, for many years, was an absolute cranky grouchy person in the morning. I wouldn't come to until I had at least two cups of coffee. This behavior persisted for many years, then one day, like a veil lifted or something, I realized I was a cranky person, and I thought to myself, this is crazy. There is no reason to behave this way. From that point forward, I now wake up in a pleasant mood, tired still, yes but pleasant. My poor mom used to call me in the mornings, and the first thing she'd say to me was, did you have your coffee yet? To which I sometimes replied no. Then all I'd hear was a click lol.
It's nice you learned how to be calm. You're absolutely right that being short-tempered can tend to put people off. In that regard, I was and still am quite the opposite, almost to an extreme. Many times my best friend and I will be discussing something, and she'll say, doesn't that make you mad? why aren't you angry? to which I reply, I don't know. I guess somewhere along the way I learned to pick my battles. It takes a LOT to make me angry. This is not to say I'm always happy, I have my moments, and I do tend to get cranky sometimes but only when I haven't had enough sleep.
Thanks for stopping by, nice to hear your comments :)
OMG...trish sweetie that was the VERY MEAL I had fixed....so we both know what a mess we had to clean up LOL LMAO...Life is funny...Have you fixed it since???Love G-Ma :o) Hugs
Wow G-Ma! That is very spooky! LOL
Let me dust the cobwebs off the brain. Ok,,,yes actually, I did, but I don't think I've ever made it again since he died 22 yrs ago. I wonder if I even remember how. My kids were not big fans of it, they would just eat the filling and push the cabbage to the side. And yes! it was a God-awful mess LOL
Thanks for sharing that bit of information. Who would ever have guessed? :)
Very good advice. and very good hub.
Wow, Trish. I knew this story, but reading it was ever so revealing. You and I were not all that close in high school, and I thought of you then as a really tough greaser. That was my adolescence speaking, and I was a righteous college-prep sissy at the time. If I had thought for even one moment about your mom, I would have realized you would never be the aggressor. All I want to do right now is travel back in time and hug your teenage self and clean up your bruises.
I can't believe you and G-Ma flipped the same dish. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL, and on the floor, too.
Thumbs up, my friend.
Hi RGraf
Thanks for the kind words.
Sally! What? you thought I was a greaser? I am shocked! appalled! wow, I never knew! :)
Actually, I think you knew I didn't have a mean bone in my body. How or why the comment I made to Maria ever came out is beyond me. I must have been caught up in the moment is all I can say. That truly is so not me. Perhaps I was having a brief moment where I thought I was tough lol. Obviously, that didn't work. It's nice that you wish you could clean up the bruises. Fortunately, physical bruises go away by themselves. It's the emotional ones that are much harder to heal.
Yes, when G-Ma told me that I about fell off my chair laughing. Crazy! who would ever have thought? I wonder if it happened the same year too lol.
Thanks dear friend for your comments.
Great bit of your life history.well told and totally engrossing. I was the skinny, small kid, two years (on average) younger than my classmates, so I always got picked on and generally beaten up. I knew better than most what it was to turn the other cheek. But on the other hand I could use words and insult or tear a strip off of someone without using a swear word. This ability got me out of many fights, with everyone rolling about laughing, except the bewildered potential bully, who often slunk away. However, some just got madder, and perhaps beat me a bit more than they would have, if my rapier-like tongue had not come into play.
So "hold your tongue" - I am not so sure!
Trish, I really enjoyed reading this hub. You did a great job making it flow, and it brought back some very similar memories of my own...small town, everybody knows everybody, a strict dad, cliques, and so on. :) The moral of your story is also similar to what my parents raised me to believe, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." ;) That's tough to do sometimes though.
Wow Sixty! I'm sorry you had to go through that. However, it's good you were able to defend yourself with a quick wit. It makes me wonder why people feel the need to ridicule and/or threaten and fight with people. I also don't know how one acquires good self-esteem. Case in point, I know someone who is beautiful and bright, yet has extremely low self-esteem. I guess many factors play into it, such as feeling envious of others, or having parents/friends who feel the need to tell someone that they don't measure up on a regular basis. It's just very sad. I just don't know how one goes from being told how good they are yet inside their own mind, they can't and don't believe it.
I can be quick-witted at times, but often if I'm in the middle of a jam I tend to lose any semblance of thought. It's usually afterwards that I say to myself, I should have said this, or done that lol.
Thanks so much for sharing a part of your life here.
Hi Pam,
I was also taught the same thing. However, holding one's tongue takes a great deal of restraint at times, and sometimes, you just have to let it flow lol. And yet other times, it can come out without you meaning for it to because you get a knee-jerk reaction.
I'm glad you felt I did a good job with this hub, that's nice to hear. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
Trish: Great job! i thought for sure the moral was going to be "always throw the first punch," but...oh well. I had to giggle at your mom crying - Her sweet little girl nothing but a common hoodlum (See, Sally, I could tell Trish was a greaser the moment I met her). You probably chewed gum with your mouth open too, making little popping noises.
Really great story, told very well, and captivating from top to bottom. Thanks for sharing!
Wow Chris! Thanks so much for the wonderful praise. It means a lot to me coming from you.
So, yes, I guess there was a hidden hoodlum inside me at times lol. Chewing gum, popping it, yup, been there, done that :)
Throwing the first punch? hmmm,,thankfully I never found myself in a situation that would have required that. However, even if I had, I doubt it would have done much damage. I had a hard enough time climbing the rope in gym. Very little strength in my arms, however, I have long legs, so perhaps the first kick would have done it :)
So glad you stopped by, and you're quite welcome.
In high school our teachers and the security guards locked us out on the field for several hours. They never said why they locked us out there, but the alluded to the fact that kids were having fights in the cafetera and how they could not control the student body. Of course they just sent the problem outside because kids started a big fight out on the field and threw trash cans up in the air. I remember it to this day, it was literally raining trash and everyone was running in all directions from the field in hopes of not being hit by trash. That was one out of control group of kids LOL.
Wow Sweetie! How awful! How old were you at the time? Did the police have to come? parents? That had to be a frightening experience. Did you ever find out what started the fight in the cafeteria?
You know, I hear this on the news a lot, how kids run amok and the teachers don't know how to handle it, or, moreso the case is they're afraid to for fear of being not only injured but sued. It's a very sad state of affairs. Gone are the days when a teacher could rap you across the knuckles, or pull you out of your chair by your ear. I won't lump all kids in this, but many kids show very little to no respect for their elders or authority of any kind. It's like they're saying F U to the world and they simply don't care.
My guess a lot of people have similar stories to tell. Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. Always nice to see you :)
Trish, I really dug the story as I felt transported back to my own high school days. However, I have never been able to keep my mouth shut and have accepted the consequences for it. I have been beaten by cops, groups of guys, and usually it wasn't about me, but about me standing up for something or someone. I have came home with a mangled face, broken noses, busted ribs and though I am the most laid back and I think decent guy, trouble seems to find me and test me. I have discovered the opposite, I can get back up and as long as they can nver shut me up, I win.
Hi goldentoad,
Wow, I'm sorry to hear that. Quite often it is the innocent bystander that gets the brunt of whatever is going on, and sad to say, sometimes fatally. You sound like me however, I hate injustice. Where we differ is that you jump in, whereas I've learned to stay away from tense moments and heated arguments. If I feel something has gone too far, of course I'll speak up, but to someone who can better help the situation.
I had another situation which I wrote about in my hub, Tell the Truth, or Not. I had to think long and hard to make the decision I made.
Thanks for stopping by and commenting :)
Just a thought that has come to me. My Husband said that at school him and a load of the other lads used to really tease this one poor girl and call her names. Years later, and a long time after leaving school he started to feel really bad about this, and finding she only lived nearby, he went to her house and apologised to her. She was so grateful, even though at first she thought he must be there to give her more grief. They parted friends after the apology. I only wish the girls who bullied me at school would come to me now and apologise also, as I am a very forgiving person, and it would mean so much to me if they did, but instead I still carry the pain and bitterness of having been bullied around with me to this day, (at the age of 38).
Hi Misty,
Bullying is so cruel, no matter what the age of the bully. Kids especially can be downright vicious, especially girls. I don't know why that is but I believe it is all about their upbringing. They weren't taught social skills, empathy, sympathy, none of that. My guess is they had no role models, nobody to show them the proper way to behave in society. More often than not, they themselves suffer from low self esteem, so in order to feel superior to others, they resort to attention getting tactics.
My hope for you is that you forgive your tormentors even if they never apologize. You need to hold your head high, knowing you are a good person. Nobody can take that away from you, so don't give your power to those who treated you poorly. One day, you might find out that they were paid back in some fashion, and if they weren't, you can bet what they did to you will come around to bite them in the butt. I've seen it happen. The good news is, is that you survived in spite of it, and are still a warm and caring person. Be proud of that.
Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you Trish, I would love to forgive them, but somehow doubt they will have changed much so it is hard to forgive. My Husband ended up working with one of the girls who was nasty to me at school many years later, and even then she was still a total b**tch, even to him. The only small consolation I got from hearing about her again, was to find out she still has her maiden name, so my guess is she never found a man who would want to marry her with her venomous disposition.
Hi Misty,
Sorry this reply took so long, busy with the holiday :)
All I can say is, someway, somehow those kinds of people get paid back. Maybe that is her payback, being single and turning into an old maid. Who really knows? Just don't dwell on that stuff, it is nothing but negative energy. You do not need that dragging you down when you've worked so hard to be the very sweet person you are. There's more to life. Fill it with good things and new memories.
Thanks for stopping by!
That story was great! (not the outcome I mean, the way you told it) That's funny that your friend and the other girl never even got into it. I love It's a Wonderful Life. That was the perfect description because it made your town come alive in my mind. Thanks for the laughs and advice.
Hi Benji,
I'm glad you enjoyed it. In fact, I've just re-read it myself, and found myself right back there. Feels like a million years ago :)
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
haha Great blog trish! It reminds me of my mom and her bully days. Good thing yours only lasted a day ;)
hi capricious_d, Amen! it was one of the most awful days of my life LOL. I cannot begin to imagine what it's like to be a bully. I realize people have negative behaviors and most commonly, they repeat the behaviors that they were raised with or around. It's very sad. I sure hope your mom grew out of her bully days, or, was she the one being bullied? Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting! Welcome to HubPages :)
I don't know about ALWAYS keeping my mouth shut, but walking away from trouble seems like very good advice. Except we both know Idon't always do that, don't we? :-/ I liked this story, Ifound it like a mini novel with all the characters, their backgrounds, their personalities. Well done!
trish~ I love personal stories! This one was great, because it brought me back to a lot of my own high school beefs. I never (and sometimes still don't) know how to keep my mouth shut, but I try. Really.
As far as fights, I've had my fair share, but I can honestly say that I never started one of them... wait....
Nope, doesn't make me any smarter, does it? lol
Thanks for the read!
Thanks Elena!
That was one of the rare times for me. I am extremely non-confrontational, whether physically or verbally. It takes a lot to get me angry, but when I'm pushed to the limit, I am no longer the 'quiet, easy-going' people know and love.
Thanks so much for taking the time to read this, I appreciate it :)
Hi Amy,
I hope the memories it resurrected weren't too painful :)
I definitely don't start physical fights, never have, never will. I happen to be a Libra, and the scales of justice mean a great deal to me. I will always verbally fight for the underdog.
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting.
Hi Trish, What a Great story! You are so honest, and candid in what happened I was captivated. (I was trying to picture your legs wailing away). Great piece of writing on an embarassing memory.
Hi muley,
Oh my! I can't remember the last time I captivated a man :)
Funny, my late hubby always said I was too honest for my own good. It's a shame we didn't have cell phone cameras back then LOL, I'm sure the guys would have been snapping away. I can only imagine what I must have looked like lying on in the snow. I do believe a lot of the boys got their cheap thrill for the day! Embarrassing? absolutely. I was mortified, not to mention scared to death. That girl did a number on me for sure.
Needless to say, Carol and I still remained friends, but I never did offer to be moral support again :)
Thanks so much for your warm comments, always nice to see you.
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hubber-2009 says:
13 months ago
very good effective advice to keep shut your mouth..