I am here to offer a ray of hope to all the little minions of the Jonas Brothers. Since Kevin Jonas became engaged to his girlfriend, Danielle Deleasa, I am sure that 'tweens all over the country donned black arm bands and cried all over their "Bratz" duvets.

I am here to help. I, too, was once like these kids. If you have a daughter, or actually are a young lady, who is head over heels in love with one of these dudes, I have both sides of the coin for you.

The first side is the "reality" side. In reality, these guys are just cut and pasted versions of what right wing America thinks little girls should love. Falsified versions of the teenage male. They are harmless... Therein lies the rub... No teenage boy is harmless. That should be a red flag right there. Also, 'tweens this is for you, you don't really know them. Save your tears for the real teenage boy that steps all over your heart as if he's doing a river dance.

The other side of the coin is the "fantasy" side. The side that most teenage girls prefer. Hey! It might not work out with Kevin and Danielle. Ten to fifteen years in the future, you may run into ol' Kev, picking up your drycleaning or such, and find he is divorced and looking for a real woman. (By then the woman, who use to be the girl, would laugh in his bloated face). This next part is also for you girls. It doesn't matter! You won't remember what he even looks like in ten years.

So curl up on your black and pink zebra print comforter, grab your pink, sparkly, cell phone and text "I don't care, anywayz" messages to your friends.

Oh! and don't forget to tear down all those posters.

Now wipe your eyes, and finish your homework!