Kids are Evil!
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- Is Sex During Pregnancy Practical?
Well sex during pregnancy is perfectly safe. He is not going to poke the baby in the head or damage it but is it practical? Sex during the first trimester seems practical enough if you are not throwing...
- Read With Your Kids
I have read to my child almost every day of her life. I started reading to her before she was born. While she was in the womb, I would lay down and take out a book and practice reading out loud. I figured...
Oh sure they are cute...
I was just prompted to write about how evil these fantastic little sh*ts are! My kid...this one right here. She is cute right? Guess again! She is only three and she is abusive!
How can I say that about my adorable little kid? Let me just say that in her "seemingly" innocent play she bit my the most important part of my boob and while I sit with my nipple bleeding in utter agony; the sudden rush of memories came back to me and I remember all the 'seemingly" innocent things that she has done to me. Innocent my ass! lol.
1. Birth- She stretched my body out and kept held hostage in the hospital for 3.5 weeks in utter pain while being poke by needles every hour on the hour the entire time. Not to mention being pumped full of sulfur to keep the contractions away. Oh the pain...the foot long needle right through my belly sucking amniotic fluid out of the womb and the tearing of things that God should have made big enough to begin with.
2. The many hours of missed sleep and the endless days of her waking up so that I never get to sleep in no matter what time you put her to bed.
3. The time she head butted me in the throat and I totally thought she crushed my esophagus.
4. The black eye. No, she did, she gave me a black eye. It was really beautiful!
5. The time she bit me in the butt. You would think with those cute little baby teeth that she is not capable of tearing flesh from your body? Think again.
She has pulled the hair right out of my head, cost me money I do not have in things that she has destroyed that did not belong to us. Every time she has vomited on me. Not just a little baby puke, I am talking full on powerful, projectile vomit, enough to cover me from head to toe.
The poop she wiped, not just one but a few times on the wall or on the floor. Or the doo doo in the bath tub that she tossed out on the bathroom floor like a present to me.
- Children Expressing Sexual Affections Towards Parents and Other Children
Not too long ago my brother called me freaking out. His daughter tried to french kiss him and wanted to kiss his neck. This troubled my brother for some time and he felt he was a bad parent and he felt that...
Yeah, she sounds like a devil, like the Exorcist no less. Don't be fooled by their cute exterior and their loving hugs and kisses because deep down inside they are out to destroy us!!!!
Just kidding. Actually all these things have happened and right now one is still very fresh in my mind and I am not talking about psychologically, I am talking physically.
I love my kid sooooooooooooo much it is ridiculous. Still, don't be fooled by their cute and cuddliness. If you want to be a good parent, stay on your guard or they will getcha.
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Comments
I wear body armor when I'm around my kid, as he tends to like to hit things. I try to tell him that may be a little brother or sister he's hurting but that one flys right past him. good hub and great pics.
Awwww They are cuties!!!
I think I should market "parental armour". I really think it would sell! lol
That's too funny! and they are soooo cute in pictures.
She might be a bit evil, but that smile makes up for everything. What a gorgeous kid....
hmmm, wonder where she gets that smile from?
Gosh I know she is cute, thanks!!! That is the trouble with her, she is too cute to lock away in a dungeon until the devil comes out of her. lol. ;)
Another great one Sandy! Funny and heart warming all at the same time.
It is said 'motherhood is a blessing' but it sure is very very painful and the pain never ends.
Thanks BDazz! Someone left a comment on one of my other hubs about how "love at first sight" is when you have a kid. That is true, and for anyone who says there no such thing as "unconditional love", well...they need to have a kid. lol.
True anjalichugh, painful indeed!
Cute little devils love them, your kid sooo cute!!
I don't know who couldn't love the little devils. She makes me feel so good even when it terrible pain. Thanks for the chime in!
Kids seam to hide how devilish they are by masking it with cuteness. My oldest used to buy when he didn't get his way at daycare. Then when he was older his younger brother would often bite him when he didn't get his way. You get pretty good reflexes living in a house with boys. If you don't you will get bruises and bumps instead. Luckily no poop throwing at my house.
Funny Jim10, I was a biter myself. Daycare banned me for biting one of the daycare ladies on her wrist. Yes, I bit her vain. Ooopps, but I gotta say she scared me A LOT!!!
Lucky you, no poop presents. So lucky.
I can't help but laugh at your hub. I love the way you wrote it. All the while I know you love them unconditionally even with those mean things you said.
I recognize them, I'm a mom too. I know how it is.
Thanks for a great hub Sandra - I have some good "evil" stories from my kids - but eventually they do grow out of it all to be become human beings ....lol
Bit her wrist. Her vain. You've mentioned in the past you have prominent canine's....
Do you um ... like garlic? ... And exactly how long have you had this aversion to crucifixes, again?
Thanks Sheenerobins, being a mom is so much fun. Werd!
Ajcor- love to hear some stories, though I am afraid of the teenage years if it is like this right now. yikes!
BDazz, I love garlic, I aint afraid of the crux, just dead people on them, and she tasted like sweet, sweet vicotry! lol. :) Does sound like I may be a vampire though. hm...do vampires know if they are?
Cute hub My dear but a bit scary too...She should NOT be allowed to bite...anyone... whether you did or not... and do hope she is over throwing the doo doo around...not very nice or sanitary...
I do agree though that they are so sweet and lovable A mom will forgive anything and always want to help her children/child...good or bad...there is just something in us that we can't help...but at the same time they need and want our direction and protection....
Please don't take me wrong here...I guess it's my childcare yrs. still kicking in...G-Ma :o) Hugs & Peace
None taken GmaJ! I do try to correct her behavior. I don't laugh, I mean I laugh when she is not looking but not when is doing bad things.
The biting this is my fault though. When she was itty bitty I would nibble on her chin because it made her laugh. Now when I try to correct it, well...now I get to correct something that is totally my fault.
I am not one for "physical discipline" but on a couple of occassions, mainly those that have to do with the doo doo, she got a good whoopin to the behind after the first two-three times that verbal correction did not take. *wink*.
hugs back and peace GmaJ! xoxoxo
Adorable little devil! I've heard it said that kids are so cute, so that humans are not tempted to eat their young. Having two of our own, I can see a certain amount of logic in that mindset. All you need is a little patience, and you'll be rewarded with teenagers!
Then the loving cuddles, when suddenly you get an elbow in your ribs...
...or a foot in the "cookie" or "groin".
or the cuddle where he chucks himself and over balances, but hey! a handful of Mummy's hair will sort that out!
you think you have problems now...Just wait...teenagers are another story...and if you can't control them now....have fun later ? you will.... kids are the best thing that ever happened to us...G-Ma :o) Hugs & Peace
GmaJ, don't inspire me right now! lol. Really, I can wait. :) xoxoxo LondonGirl, that is what mums are for. :) and people thought we lost our hair due to stress...
The idea of a bitten boob makes me cringe.... I'm not ready for kids yet...
lol- I don't think anyone is every really ready for kids even after they have them. :)
This hub is so funny. I have often had the same thoughts about my sweet, innocent little girls. Nobody warned me before parenthood that the kids would be so barbaric!
ROFL Sandra! Nice one! :D Your little girl is precious. :)
A rolled up newspaper and a swift swat on the nose used to work for me. Or am I thinking about my dogs? Oh well! ;) Just kidding! ;)
It helps to be able to laugh about all the trials, and you're off to a fabulous start. Things are going to start getting hysterical when she's a teenager. ;) lol!
Thanks Pam, now those are the kinda comments that make me look foward to my kid being a teenager. Thanks! :)
I agree. They are evil. I've got one visiting in the apt above me, and the little monster works out all day -- running back and forth across the wood floor. It's like living in a drum!
I haven't even seen the evil demon, but I know he's got it in for me. I sure hope he's not cute!
lol Bruce, you gotta play back. If I were you, and I have been you with the little devil drummer above, I would get broom and play back! It could be fun, sometimes they rap back. Knock three times on the ceiling. LOL.
The only thing you missed out on was having someone pee right in your face when you changed their diaper. The wonder of boys! Thanks for a good shared laugh.
Hi sandra, Well what can I say. Do you remember the saying like mother like daughter. I guess she is exactly like you. This little angle is really cute. I like her photo Hang loose my butt.♥♥
Thanks Cindy, that totally reminded me of the time my kid had the squirts and it leaked out of the diaper all over my clothers, on the floor and on my mom when I tried to pawn her off to her to get cleaned up. Ewww! And I have been peed on at the doctors office. So much fun. Thanks for stopping by and sharing.
Mr. Nice aint so nice himself ehh... lol. Yeah, she is just like me and I love...hate...no, no I love it!!! Really she cracks me up and makes me feel so good when I am not being beaten, verbally abused, yelled at, having doo doo surprises, cleaning up food off the floor or chasing her around the house to get some clothes on.
I always say, "why couldn't I get one of those roley polley kids that doesn't do anything?" But I guess God knows me better than that! Thanks for the chime.
Sandra, Do you know it's pay back time. If you ask your Mom she will tell you the same stories about you too hahaha.♥
Oh no doubt, she calls Morgan and Angel compared to me. -how do you get those heart things?
Numeric Keypad on the keyboard has keys that can generate special characters. To generate a heart shape press Alt & next press # 3 one time on Numeric keypad at the same time now release the Alt key. You will see the heart shape. You can generate smiley face & many more characters too. I will teach you more at lobster dinner party hahaha.???????
Nice hub!
Ok, I am trying it but it doesn't seem to be working. I will try again. 3. darn it I got a three, let me try it again. it is not working. :( No lobster for you! hahahha, just kidding. *heart*
Wow sandra.. you really have some cute little kids.. the last pink snuggly one is sooooooooo cute. I swear kids can be handful being a mother myself i know how overwhelming it can be. But nothing in this world can beat the warm hug or the smile they give you back.Love the hub and god bless you and your kids..
Kisses to the evil kid.. lol i think im falling in love with evil..
Well it's working for me. I guess you are not following the instructions & also you forget to say Bibdi babdi boo. How about you teach me how to catch a lobster & I will teach you all about computers. Lesson # 1 (Kepad is on the right side of keyboard) Press & hold Alt, now press 3 on keypad one time only next release the hold button & voila my heart is there. Make sure don't play with the heart too much.♥
Just saw the comment about being peed in the face.... i am DEFFO not ready for kids yet!!!
Thanks Greatlife, me too honey, me too!
Mr. Nice, it doesn't work I swear I followed the directions, I will try one more time. still didn't work! darn it all to heck. lol.
Sandra,that is strange. Now just copy any of the hearts in my comments & paste in your comments. That will 101% work for any one even you hahaha.???
♥ viola! ♥ Th♥nks
♥ You see I told you that you can do it. I guess this time you used Magick words Bibdi babdi boooo ♥
Nope, copy and paste! lol. ♥
Great Hub. I have 2 kids, 6 years and 17 months. Both drive me to insanity, my boy is the doody finger painting prince. He also bites, hits, and head buts. you could read my hubs about my kids if you like. My 6 year old acts like a teenager already, you know like she thinks she knows everything and me I know nothing.♥
I think I will cherish. 3- yeah that is my new way of doing those hearts since my computer wont do them for me.
You hear that Mr. Nice, a 3 is = to a ♥. It is now my call sign. lol
Very sad your computer has no heart for you. Don't worry you can always see my heart there. Remember 3=? but 0=Nada nothing no heart same like your computer is treating you. We will spread the love for heart all over the hubpages.3333333333333333333
Oh, you are wrong Mr. Nice, My computer has a heart but she has been, beat up, torn apart, restored, infected, defaced and otherwise abused as well by that evil kid of mine and yet, my computer is still kickin'.
3333333333333333
Hahaha now I know you do not have a heart for the poor computer. If you were cleaning up your acts after all day of abuse it should be flying. That's why some times computers go crazy & start acting silly. 333333
they devils but we still love them a lot
Oh so true and written in an entertaining way. I had to clean up a wall twice myself. Fun!
Oh so much fun!
I have THREE Lil Devils-Tommy 14, Leah 8, and Ashton 6.It doesn't get any better as they get better. My girl is very laid back though-let me not jinx myself!
ha ha! Allow me to knock on wood or you. :D
That's why God made them so cute. If they were ugly we might not be so tolerant.
All kids to these things in the animal kingdom. It is natural. But for say a woman who is suffering from post partem depression these behaviors could send her into a dangerous area. But of course Tom CRuise tells us all post partem depression does not exist. No, not if you have a penis.
lol wow that was high-lerious lol cute
My told me kids are cute so you don't throw 'em out the window when you're driving. ?
lol- whaaaat! :D
oops...typing too fast. I meant to say my 'mom' told me. She actually told me that when I was driving and my sweet one year old son thought it was very funny to pelt mommy in the back of the head with hard toys...over and over and over...
LOL too funny Norah! The other day my kid goes to the bathroom and she says, "I have to take a piss Mommy". I was like um.. you mean you have to go pee. She said, "no, piss!"
I really have to watch my mouth around my new parrot.
Just reading your hub nine months after you published it. I love it.
Aw shucks escritor. :D
It's nice to see I'm not the only one who writes about her child's poop flinging and poop offerings and poop smeared on the wall. Sometimes it seems my life revolves around poop. I got pooped on just today. A hundred miles from home, with no spare clothes for myself. How she can projectile poop and cover my clothes with it, and yet have nothing to speak of in her diaper is beyond me. It's so not fair for my clothes to be covered, while her clothes stay clean! And yet none of it matters when she smiles at me.???
lol Jan, I feel for you. I really, really do. I remember one time my kid had wet poo and it came leaking out her diaper all over my clothes, down my chest, my legs and I gagged and handed her to my mom and she got doo doo on her too.
It's funny after it is said and done but not so fun in the moment. :)
I think it matters, after all you get to talk it about it later and tell his/her future boyfriends/girlfriends all about it.
Cris A says:
12 months ago
I, too just love them little devils! Your kid's adorable :D