Most of the year, people are bound by both convention and official policy, not to mention legislation, to behave in certain appropriate ways (or more the point, not to behave in inappropriate ways). Something about the Christmas period - dubbed the silly season for good reason - makes otherwise responsible people do some very stupid things, like harassing or bullying a colleague under the guise of office gift-giving.

Before I get a letter from the North Pole advising that I am now on the 'naughty' list and I'll be hearing from Santa's lawyers in due course, I should clarify that the issue here is the popular form of secret gift giving in the office.

Known as both Kris Kringle and Secret Santa, the idea is to remove any discomfort in purchasing the gift (they'll never know where it came form) and to have a bit of additional fun as people who don't know each other well try to select appropriate gifts. he problem is, what should be a fun office tradition can, and does, turn very ugly when someone decides that the anonymity is a great cover to make a very public point.

Seemingly inoccuous gift giving can be reinforcing an office rumour or stereotype by using the gift as a symbol. For example:

• the female colleague rumoured to be sexually promiscuous receives a slightly 'naughty' gift - not enough for anyone to be discliplined over but enough to generate snickers and social discomfort for the recipient;
• the colleague whose body odour leaves something to be desired receives a can of deodorant; or
• the overweight colleague is presented with a can of diet milkshake mix.

In all cases the 'joke' is symbolic, relying upon shared understandings in the workplace.  To double the cruelty, the recipient often knows they are the target of bullying and are being made a fool; but they are not in on the joke and have no real knowledge of what's being said about them.

It doesn't matter that the joke is played out symbolically or that it's done in a public arena; inappropriate comments about a colleague's weight or sexuality are cases of bullying and can be reported as such. 

In many countries around the world, this type of behaviour is illegal and at a minimum can result in dismissal from the place of employment where the incident occurred. 

Don't try to test your boundaries with a colleague by sending her edible panties as a Secret Santa  present; even if she likes you, it's going to embarrass her and start rumours that will only get in the way of any future romance.  Similarly, ladies can refrain from giving a penis-shaped anything to anyone in the office.

Sex and Secret Santa don't mix!

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

We all have moments of embarrassment that we don't want to hear about again or insecurities and weaknesses. Think about your most tender, vulnerable weakness that you would never want to be thrown in your face (let alone in front of your work colleagues). Perhaps it has become common knowledge that your wife left you, you were dismissed from your last job in disgrace or you suffer from a sexually transmitted disease.

Would you want anyone making a joke of these things by wishing you a merry Christmas with a pack of condoms or a book on how to keep yout wife happy?

Try to find gifts that you either know for sure the person will like or, alternatively, that you have a pretty good idea they won't hate.

Some fairly safe ideas are:

• chocolates (unless you know they are diabetic... and if you didn't know, it is unlikely to cause offence);
• something that smells nice (a hand cream, lip gloss or other cosmetic item - so long as it doesn't purport to cure wrinkles you should be safe);
• a book (a latest novel or non fiction on a topic of interest);
• a gift certificate (very boring, but if you really don't know them at all, it is a safe bet).