I keep reading these hubs about how to retire without money, but I suspect that most of us....like Jimmy and I, (who are former school teachers from VA.), can't go to a foreign country and live on coconuts and bananas. After all, we are a bit highmaintenance.... most would consider us "locos" , but we do have to have a roof and transportation and the basic necessities. I suspect the REAL TRUTH about living in Latin America as an always considered GRINGO is still out there. Let's talk today about the "ups and downs" of daily life and the things that , at the time were simply "horrible", to finally become the things we enjoyed telling everyone

Story #1: My husband Jimmy: EL HOMBRE PESCADO (the fish man)

Jimmy came with me to Costa Rica, always saying, "Mary Lee, if you plan it, I will do it." His college Spanish has made him an active member of the community, but his Spanish has made us laugh. And his mishaps have REALLY made us laugh.

To get from Puntarenas to the Nicoya Peninsula, we have to take the ferry Or, in the past, there was a "lancha".... a kind of little boat that carried people , animals, produce, etc. It is cheaper than the ferry and not as comfortable, but Jimmy is always counting the cash so way back in the early days we decided to take the lancha to go to Playa Tambor to visit our friends Rita and Carl, owners of the hotel Dos Largartos. Over there, you can sit on their back patio and watch and hear the Howler monkies as they dance in the trees . The sound they make is scary, loud, deep and threatening, but, wow, is it cool to listen to as we sit and sip our vodka tonics.

Back to the story of the trip over! This day there were cages of chickens on board. As usual back then, we were the only gringos on board, but that never stops us because my Spanish can get us around ok.

Jimmy, who knew the bus would be waiting at the Paquera Terminal across the gulf, stepped over the chickens, people, paint, zinc.... to get to the front of the lancha so he could be the first to get off. See, the first to get off have the best chance to get a seat on the rickety bus, filled with hippies, locals, all going the 40 kilometers up the hill and down the hill to get to Playa Tambor. If you don't get a seat on the bus, you have to rent a taxi at a much higher price...like $30. on a good day.

I have never believed that rushing off the ferry or the lancha is a good idea. Someone can grab your belongings. You can get caught up in the hoards who are pushing to get off. You can lose sight of your partner. SO, I did not follow Jimmy; I took my time, got off the lancha, walked to the bus, got seats for both of us. And thought, "Where is Jimmy?"

I look in the distance and see him slogging toward the bus , his hair glued down to his forehead( was it wet, I thought?). Geez, he looks just like Jim Carey in DUMB AND DUMBER. Jimmy proceeds to the steps of the bus and the bus driver shakes his finger and says, "No, no, ... no se puede"(No you can't get on the bus).

Jimmy was soaked, his backpack soaked- He looked like he had swam(swum?) to Paquera. So knowing that I couldn't go on without him, and the bus driver wouldn't let him ride the bus, I gathered up my things . giving up our valuable seats, and I got off the bus.

With that small grin, he looks at me and says, "I fell in the water."

"you what?? You fell in the water?"

"Yes, I had seen other people jump from the lancha to the landing, so I thought I could do it, too."

"But, WHY ARE YOU COMPLETELY SOAKED?"

"I fell. I fell backwards. I went down to the bottom of the water. I fell like a scuba diver, went in backwards. Lost my balance. Then I floated back up."

His glasses were on, his backpack was in place, his hair mashed down on his head like lard was mixed with it...HE HAD ONLY LOST HIS UMBRELLA.

"You fell?????"

"Yes , and some guys helped to pull me in. I can't believe it. I just lost my balance and fell backwards. Then I floated to the top."

"You fell????? And you didn't drown?????" I am absolutely in shock that he could manage to bob back up, walk calmly to the bus, and still be smiling.

Yes, he fell in the deepest part of the water..... next to the cement ramp.... just bobbed up like a little buoy. well, Big Buoy.

OK, this understood, we walked to get a taxi. The taxi driver looks at Jimmy and says (you guessed it), " No, no se puede". He pointed to the luggage part of the taxi and said "alla"- in other words, Jimmy had to ride where the luggage would have been in this 4 X 4 taxi. Jimmy was too wet to mess up this fellow's cab. No amount of money would make a difference.

So, we pay the colones and as we have always done after some disaster, we rode on to Carl and Rita's. They washed and dried Jimmy's clothes, he put his passport, paper back books, all out to dry in the sun. We got our room, and as it was late, we walked to the little store and bought Zcar Vodka to mix with orange juice.

The biggest laugh came when we came back through the terminal at Paquera on our way back to Puntarenas. Crap. Jimmy was a celebrity. Every worker there recognized him!

Laughing, pointing, in the way only Ticos can do, they called out, "El pescado! El pescado gringo!!!" And, believe it or not, for years after that, he was still recognized and famous as being "the gringo fish".

Luckily, this fish was caught!!! He didn't get off the hook.

Story#2 Two old retirees on bikes

The first time we rode bikes in Puntarenas was very scary. You have to ride with the traffic going this way and that, following no rules of the road, and you have to be constantly vigilant. I can't count the times we have run into eachother. Jimmy constantly rides on one side of the road and I on the other(Hmmmm, I think that has a deeper meaning), and he invariably hollars at me to go this way or that. Get behind him! Stay on this side! So, I have lost count of the times I have run into him. Growling at me, he goes on. But one day I did get a HUGE laugh from riding BEHIND him.

We were coming back from town with groceries in our baskets. Watching the traffic. Dipping in here and there. Hot, Sweaty. And, I looked up ahead at Jimmy, and I couldn't believe my eyes. A CROW had landed on his head. He didn't immediately realize what was happening. He was trying to balance his bike. He was swatting at his head. AND I HAD TO STOP BECAUSE I WAS LAUGHING SO HARD. We never understood why that bird landed on his head. Jimmy has thick black hair, so maybe it was looking for a soft spot to land!

Another bike story involving Jimmy...... We found a great dentist, young lady who does top work for minimum price. We set up numerous appointments with her. The only problem was that we had to go in the evening. Unlike the USA, many doctors and dentists see people at 7pm and later..... realizing that people who work can't always get off. So, we were riding our bikes a little farther down the highway than we would normally do. And we were late. Dra. Calderon was standing outside her office, just enjoying the evening breeze, not upset that these two gringos were late. Seriously, this is the attitude in Costa Rica. So she saw the accident.

Costa Rica is not known for great roads, but Puntarenas does have good pavement. And we were buzzing along, me tagging along after Jimmy as usual. Jimmy, in his usual hurry to get there. So, he didn't realized that there was a huge gutter right in front of the dentist office. And , yes, his back tire hit the gutter, his bike flew up, and he did a flip. Dra. Calderon came running and helped him into the office. Wiping off the blood and consoling him. Worried for his condition.

And ,then, I arrive.

"Jimmy, what in the world happened? Why do you have blood all over your arm and leg?"

"I flipped. I hit the gutter. " And once again, he gave me that little smile that seems to mark his personality. And, he got in the dentist chair.....cleaned up by the Doctora.... end of story.

Story #3 Two retirees who have lustful eyes

Jimmy and I have been married 43 years, so in all those years, we have developed this, let's say, communication to point out the goodlooking women or men that pass by on the beach.

I drool over the soccer players who practice on the beach. They have even started waving as they run by. And the goal keeper from Belize (who has now moved to another team), used to stop and talk to us. Gave me his autograph. Big, muscular, black, handsome, uuuuyyyyy goodlooking fellow.