Well here I am again back to talk to you about how not to end up like me.

First learn how to say NO once in awhile.Learn that if you can do this at-least once in awhile you will not miss out on the world around you.

I live everyday the total opposite of what I truly am on the inside.I wind up feeling like all I do is charge through life like a bull in a china shop.

My daughter is a wonderful person and I feel all I have done is wasted 25 years with her for the sole reason that I was trying to accomplish something.That something was material needs just so I could give them more ,leave them more when I no longer was here on this earth.But all that I have left for her is confusion.She works with me as my secretary and I thought it would be great and don't get me wrong it is ,but I wind up compromising our relationship everyday.Our boss constantly complains about her and do I jump in and protect her,no I back don because he says every-time that I am protecting her and this statement is further from the truth.She comes in everyday and works from 7 am till 5 pm.She handles things when I fall apart.She has moments when she feels overwhelmed because he makes her feel like she is stupid and makes fun of her math and spelling.

See she did not graduate from high school,She got pregnant and did not know what to do .She had this extremely amazing and beautiful daughter that I love and adore.I never once gave her grief over this,why should I everything happens for a reason in our lives and I would never have changed the way I handled the news.I have a special gift that I am raising .She met a wonderful guy and he loves her.They met through my husband at work when she was 8 months pregnant.He accepts her and makes her feel important and loved.She is extremely beautiful,but has always felt like an ugly duckling.What she didn't know is that the ugly duckling turned out to be a beautiful swan.She was so quite and to herself .She rarely talked to me and now i know why.I was rushing through life tying to accomplish a place that I thought would be a perfect world for her and all I did was miss out on all the wonderful things in her life.I thought I was listening when she rarely talked to me and wondered why doesn't she talk more.The reason why is because while she was talking I was in my own world inside my head lost and not hearing what she was saying.so know I essentially have missed out on precious years that are lost forever.and now she is doing as I did blocking out the world and due to this not being able to be a whole person.I promised her that things would be different with Celinamarie and they were to a certain point.In the beginning I was completely there for her ,but now I find myself zoning again.Well this is a wake up call for me and should be one for anyone out there that thinks they are really listening and being apart of their children's lives.Stop and think,look at pictures of special times and see what your face might telling you in a picture or maybe you are never in the picture because you are to busy with making everything perfect and missing out on all that is going on.The only way to make good and lasting memories with your children is to slow down ,enjoy them and be the best role model you can be.Your children are like dry sponges and every thing you do or say is absorbed an later on becomes the person they are.If they see you cower down to the world then they can either at times be overly mouthy at the wrong times because they do not want to be abused like you were or they can become someone that cowers even more than you did.

My head is so full of things from my 47 years of life that sometimes it feels as if my brain is going to explode.I try everyday to make everyone around me happy and really all I am doing is wasting precious time with them.So when bad things happen in my life whether there small or large I crash and burn trying to put out small fires that could of been handled better than opening different doors to achieve this.If i has just tried to take one day at a time instead of worrying about what will happen tomorrow and a year from now,I would of accomplished so much more peace and memories with my family.