Languages of Love

Some time back I had come across a book in the library which I personally found very interesting. Since it has been more than a year I can’t remember the title of the book or the name of the author.

I am sure that if I try and google it I will come up with them, but I am feeling too lazy to do it right now. As such it doesn’t have too great a bearing on this post and is not essential. If anyone wants to read the book they can google it up based on the information below.

Fundamentally the author explains why people who believe that they are in love and expressing their love are misunderstood. Love, as it is, is complicated enough to explain and even more so to express. It means different things to different people.

I recently saw the movie “Ugly and Pagli” (an experience that you should avoid to the utmost if you don't like weird whacky humour) and realized how love could mean such different things to different people.

Each of us thinks that the person we love will respond in kind to us, yet we get frustrated with them when they can’t. We can not see that they are trying to love us in their own manner because that isn’t the way we would react.

Very rarely do you meet a person, who will react in situations just like you and that what they call a soul mate. For most of us in the majority of the population there is likely to be the chance that you and the love of your life speak different love languages.

The author has classified Five Major Love Languages.

1. Acts of Service
2. Physical Touch
3. Words of Appreciation
4. Quality Time
5. Receiving Gifts

Most people use the above mentioned techniques in various combinations to express their love. For instance the person who is more likely to give you a huge hug is likely to have the primary love language as Physical Touch.

A person who like to do things such as cycling or walking with you is likely to be expressing his love with the gift of Quality Time. A person who keeps gifting you a rose wants you to understand that he speaks the love language of receiving gifts and if you even gift him a pen in return he will be happy.

The problem arises when we don’t understand that the primary love language that we speak is not the one spoken by your love. For instance the wife who goes crazy doing every little thing for her husband is expressing herself through Acts of Service and she gets irritated when he doesn’t express his love in a similar manner.

Maybe the husband thinks that the expensive gifts that he picks up for his wife should make her happy and gets puzzled with her lukewarm response because his primary love language is Receiving Gifts.

Interesting concept don’t you think, if you apply it beyond your love life to other relationships in your life. Imagine the father who thinks that his little speech of appreciation is enough when the child actually just wants a bear hug and a kiss.

Imagine the mother who feels neglected despite the best gifts money can buy on her birthday because all she wanted was to have party with the full family present. Makes a lot of sense and did affect the way I started reacting to the people close to me.

So what is the love language that you speak…and is the same as your loved one?