Learning to get over my ex boyfriend
51I have been married for almost 7 months now to a man that I hardly knew in the beginning, and still am getting to know. He's a good man, but my heart isn't totally there. Mainly because I've been stuck in this "groundhogs day" of memories of my ex. You're probably thinking, "Why would you still be thinking about your ex?" Well I ask myself the same question, and the answer is simple. My ex and I had only been broken up a few weeks when I got married. So yeah, you could say that this is a rebound relationship. However; as months go by, I'm starting to fall more for my husband, but not less for my ex. So now I'm in love with two men, and I'm totally confused. I know that if I end my marriage, it wouldn't matter when it comes to my ex-boyfriend. He clearly stated to me that I would never have a chance with him again.
But that doesn't stop my thought process of him. I still talk to him, and that may be my problem because we're sort of friends. I've tried the whole "not-friends" thing and it doesn't work because I wonder constantly how he is and I always want to talk to him. And surprisingly, it doesn't bother me to hear about him dating other girls.
So how can I stop this vicious cycle of missing him? Why can't I just throw away every romantic feeling I have for him? I still reminisce about the first month we spent together, how in love we were, and wish that my husband and I could've had that connection. Maybe thats it... maybe I am getting over my ex, but I keep those memories of him, and think about them quite often, because I feel like I'm missing something in my relationship with my husband. Because, honestly, if I could have my ex back, I wouldn't take him back. I know his flaws, and thats not a person that I want to be with. I know all of this. But I still wonder sometimes if he possibly would take me back, would he change? Would he look at me differently, with a greater appreciation and respect for me? Or would he just treat me the same as he always did, and have me in tears, everyday, for the rest of my life?
I know the answer to it. I know he wouldn't change. But what should I do? I'm open to all advice. Thank you!
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It's easy to remember all the good times but your relationship obviously had problems...you did break up. Instead of focusing on the honeymoon stage of your relationship, remember the reality of it. Commit to giving your marriage as much energy as you’re currently giving your past. You owe it to yourself and your husband, because he's the one standing beside you. Good luck.
ya my boyfriend just broke up with me because i wanted to hangout with him alot and he didnt want to hang out with me and now im really sad and its really hard to get over it. and i keep calling him <3 i wud deffently go bak out with him again im so confused but i think this advice is good=] thanks.
Agro Donkey says:
2 years ago
The best way to get over an ex that I've found is to cut all contact with that person for at least three months. After that you either hate them so much that you never want to see them again or you have healed enough that you no longer care if they would take you back. My first real girlfriend was the very first girl that I ever loved and she knew it. She could have asked me for a pound of flesh and would have asked her where she would like me to cut it from. She however did not love me the same way or even at all for that matter and when we broke up I took three months before talking to her again. When I did finaly see her she wanted to work things out but I had healed enough to know that was not what was best for me. I hope this has helped in some way, shape, or form. Good hub by the way and keep writing.