Let's Finally Talk About it
67Violence and Abuse: Where do you draw the line for forgiving others?
There has been a recurring theme lately in the news. Here are a few of the news stories I have read this week.
In the news: Scapegoating
What is scapegoating? It's holding a person (or group) responsible for other people's unhappiness or feelings of inadequacy. The person who instigates scapegoating, and those who choose to act with them, are projecting their own personal flaws and sins off onto another person to rid themselves of their own evil. To be able to believe that one has done that simply by scapegoating another individual indicates a tremendous level of mental illness. Leviticus 16 describes the actual Biblical origin of the word, when a blemishless goat is sent out into the desert to perish to rid the community of their joint sins.
That situation killed a sixteen year old girl named Sylvia Likens in 1965 and it is in the news again this week. At trial, a runaway teen described the circumstances of his daily life today.
Teen describes beatings by captors in Calif. home - AP
By JASON DEAREN, Associated Press Writer Jason Dearen, Associated Press Writer – Fri Jun 12, 9:42 pm ET
"...At one point prosecutors asked the 5-year-old girl what prompted the poor treatment.
"He would think he was the boss of us and do bad stuff at the house so that's why he got chained to the table," said the girl, who was not named in the transcript.
She said her mother and father hit him with a baseball bat "hard. Like in the head, on the legs, on the arms."
The girl testified that the teen became bloody from the beatings and that she heard him scream and cry. She also said her mother told her not to tell anyone what she'd seen..."
Neglect is abuse
From today's news:
Police: NY family arrested, kept kids in squalor - AP
By FRANK ELTMAN, Associated Press Writer Frank Eltman, Associated Press Writer – Fri Jun 12, 7:10 pm ET
"...Deputy Inspector Mark Griffiths of the Suffolk County police said a foul odor greeted police officers when they arrived at the home in a working-class Long Island community Thursday afternoon, after being contacted by Social Services officials.
Inside, police found clothes strewn about the floor, animal feces on floors, and soda bottles filled with urine in hallways and bedrooms. There was rotting food in the refrigerator and the home had no running water, police said.
There also were empty propane gas bottles strewn about the house and the stove did not appear to be working. The toilet was filled with excrement and the bathtub in the house had murky brown water, police said.
The conditions could "only be described as squalor," Griffiths said.
The children, ages 2 to 13, were placed in the custody of Child Protective Services; they were in foster homes by Friday afternoon, authorities said. Fourteen cats and two dogs also were removed ..."
Systemic abuse of the vulnerable is NOT acceptable
268 punished for abusing disabled in Texas -AP
By JEFF CARLTON, Associated Press Writer Jeff Carlton, Associated Press Writer – Fri Jun 12, 10:07 pm ET
"...DALLAS – Nearly 270 employees were fired or suspended for abusing or neglecting residents of large, state-run institutions for the mentally disabled in Texas during the last fiscal year, according to records obtained by The Associated Press...
...The Coalition of Texans with Disabilities said Perry's legislation doesn't go far enough to protect state school residents.
"Why is it that residents in state schools are somehow valued less than other citizens?" asked Dennis Borel, the coalition's executive director. "This speaks to me of a widespread, systemic problem, and personally I don't believe this can be fixed."..."
Who are these people who abuse and should we forgive them?
All I have on this one is my opinion and this is my opinion. Not just no, but HELL NO. I understand that we are all sinners and I understand that nobody is perfect, but even Jesus said "Go and sin no more."
People who are not sorry for their sins and do not try to atone do not get my forgiveness. I have zero tolerance for child abusers and other abusers of vulnerable people. Zero.
All mental illnesses are not equal. Whatever mental illness it takes to make someone abuse another vulnerable human being is less understandable than whatever mental illness results to others from being abused by mentally ill sociopaths who have achieved some kind of power over those individuals. All behavior is not equal. All choices are not equal. There is no one-stop forgiveness here.
Some abused children grow up to abusers, other abusers are spawned by narcissism created from the opposite parental behavior, the outpouring of praise for achievement without asking that child to ever develop healthy personal skills, good character (which we as a nation don't even seem to know what that is anymore) or true achievements. Whatever the cause that spawns an abuser, my sympathy for that person stops dead where the person makes a conscious choice to abuse others. I have no sympathy for the abuser who refuses to accept that their behavior is abnormal, unacceptable and even then that person must be actively seeking help.
In that case, perhaps forgiveness is possible, but without it, I leave it to God. I'm no saint. I don't forgive people who actively abuse others and I don't have to. That's the line I draw. I welcome your comments and thoughts on this subject and I urge all of you to make the call, do what it takes to protect children and other vulnerable or innocent persons that pass through your life however peripherally.
Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-4-A-CHILD Answered 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
For more information go to: http://www.childhelp.org/get_help
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Comments
I know. It was a combination of your piece on anger here: http://hubpages.com/hub/Is-Anger-A-Sin
and rabi khan's piece on domestic violence here: http://hubpages.com/hub/Venus-2008
that inspired this Hub. I thank you both.
Iðunn - I don't think forgiveness is either here or there. To me, some perpetrators of heinous crimes have to be taken out of society, for society's sake. Pragmatism, not religion or morality, should be the basis of our law. Then let individuals react as they see fit. It hardly matters, provided we protect the vulnerable.
BTW - I'm very happy to see you back on HP, poet :)
Thanks, paraglider. Yes, I see your point. Obviously there are those who can be understood, say Dahmer, who tried over and over to quit and who did know his behavior was bad but had an irresistable compulsion. Forgive? Probably. Separate for life? Absolutely. '
However I do think perhaps those are separate, however related, topics. Thank you so much for adding your thoughts and thank you also for the lovely welcome back.
Is it forgiveness one seeks for an individual, or is it society as a whole that seeks forgiveness, of itself ? For the actions described in this Hub are not merely an act by an individual or nuclear group, It is deeper and wider than that , We as a society more often than not stand back and allow such things to happen. We gasp in horror when such events come to light. Yet such things can be prevented if only we became less self focused, less self absorbed and cared more for those about us. I wonder and ask as I read this hub of these cases where where the neighbors the friends of the family, the other members in the extended family. the education, the health and mental health system ? ( though I do understand in the U.S,A this system is vastly different to my own)
The attitude of Its not my Business, or I can not intervene or interfere, I was to busy to really notice, and the worst of them all I didn't know are a poor lame excuse for standing idly by. We allow our fear to run us, fear ( if you are in u.s.a ) of being sued. Fear of being seen as a busy body. the fact one says they Didn't know, is more to the truth of I didn't want to know, I didn't want to get involved
while I understand there is a fine line between allowing others to get on in life in peace and being a busy body. There is no excuse, when even a blind man can see the traits of an abused child, there do not have to be bruises to see, if a child or adult is being abused. We as a society hold responsibilities to care for others and in doing so we care for ourselves. To often the case is that we send the ambulance to the bottom of the cliff when all said and done it is to late, instead of placing a net at the top of the cliff.
When will we as individuals and as a society learn and teach the next generation that a child a teen an elderly person is a valued individual, not a chattel something to be owned and controlled just because they have been place in our care. But a life that needs guidance love and encouragement. when we as individuals and a society are willing to care more for others around us.Then there is true hope of such instances not reacquiring time after time after time. When we say and truly mean enough is enough, then and only then shall such cases no longer recurs on a daily, weekly monthly yearly basis.
what a wonderful, incisive, insightful comment. thank you so much, watch tower for gracing my page with your thoughts. yes, I agree very much. I think american society, in particular, views victims as weak and deserving, even children. society says it doesn't, but their actions up to and including choosing not to help our poor much, not wanting medical care for our neighbors to include mental health and so forth, say otherwise. not all of us here are like that, but it is certainly the majority and a major whinge I have against my country.
Child molesters, child neglecters or child abusers, weather mentally, physically and emotionally should be punished with the worst possible penalty.
How can one 4give a person that has done something like that to a kid.
I hate them with a passion.
I try not to hate them, I try not to hate anyone, but I have to admit, I'm not very successful at it. I hate child abusers too. I don't see how such disgusting crimes against children can be forgiven. I suspect that's why we need God.
Thank you for stopping in to contribute to the comments.
Well I amunsure of God but find this whole topic difficult. Inflicting cruelty on others, especially those less able to protect themselves shows a particularly nasty individual. Sure some may be ill but some are just evil and I am not sure they deserve a second chance. However I am open to persuasion.
Consider a child of 4, for example, who is abused. We all empathise. and more, totally with this child. Yet if this child at 18 behaves in the same was as their abuser we are appalled and ask for punishment. However is it not the treatment this person had as a child which has scarred this individual. I am not saying either way what I think but it is certainly a difficult subject to get to grips with.
yes, this is a tough issue. thank you for taking the time to put down your thoughts and add to the discussion.
You are right, repentance must preceed forgiveness. As a child I was cruelly beaten many, many times. It is rough duty. Excellent topic and well done. Thank you.
Thank you for being so open. I myself am an abuse survivor and I'm still trying to cope with it. I wish peace for all of us.
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Froggy213 says:
6 months ago
You are so right Iounn; many people have felt that I should just forgive and forget. It isn't like that; how do you accept someone hurting and killing a dear little child.
Jesus even said that if anyone harms a precious little one that a would be better for them if a millstone were hung around there neck and they were thrown into the deepest part of the sea.
No. it's been 2 years since Jonathan's murder on June 23rd and I will never let it go as long as this county does nothing and allows this creep to roam free.
Thank you for this hub my dear friend.