In July 2006, my husbands brother donated one of his kidney's to him. He had been on dialysis for the last two years.

There are three brothers. Two of them with a hereditary kidney disease. The youngest one is the one with the healthy kidney's. Two brothers that need a kidney and only one kidney between them. Fortunately for my husband his kidney was a perfect match.

Last Sunday, The older brother who has been on the kidney transplant list for a couple of years now got two new kidney's.

I am a mess. I suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome. Three years ago my husband went through the same thing as his brother is going through now. I am feeling all of the fear all over again. I cannot stop crying. I realize how silly all of this sounds, but what happened three years ago is that I put on a big front. I HAD to be brave for my kids, and my husband. I HAD to be strong and would not let myself cry.

I've been blind sighted by this kidney transplant of my brother-in-law's! It is very painful and over-whelming. I had been unable to talk about any of it. Then finally at a women's group that I meet with once a month met last Sunday. So I did major word vomit all over the group, the flood gates broke through, it was  Niagara Falls for me.

Afterwards, I did not feel better, and all I felt was shame for letting myself get so vulnerable. Then when I got home, right in the middle of my daughter's sentence of her telling me about her date, I busted out crying! My husband came into the room, and they were both asking me "What's wrong?, What's wrong?!"

So I told them. It sounds ridiculous, but it is REAL! And PAINFUL!

Today, I am emotionally exhasusted! 

I just want it to stop, and I don't know how to stop it. I still have to eventually go and see my brother-in-law!

Help!