My friend Tiffy cleans homes for a living. She has a Ph.d. in Philosophy from an Ivy League school. But using the valuable logic and reasoning abilities she picked up during her years of study, she made the decision to clean houses rather than cleaning hopelessly dirty and messy college students' minds (as a philosophy prof), because with the methods she's developed, she can usually do 5-7 houses a day (if she wants to) and make a whole lot more money. And it's always in "cash."

Tiffy has much more free time and "runnin' around" money than I do, so I think her methods deserve scrutiny and can be easily implemented into anyone's home.

• Gallon or 2 of Clorox (Clorox KILLS all germs and gets RID of anything and everything resembling DIRT.) Clorox is about $2/gal.
• Forget about the other fancy stuff; it's either 98% Clorox or "Hydroxy" stuff that doesn't work as well on dirt. Also it's much more expensive and not worth the price.
• Use hydroxy stuff only for getting stains out of colored clothing ....or maybe on the carpet.)
• Do not fall for those silly "wipes," they are ridiculously puny for the task at hand, totally ineffective and too expensive!
• Tilex (about $3-4/gal. worth it).
• Windex ($1-3 for 32 oz.)
• Paper Towels (99 cents/roll)
• Scrubber Thingy with a handle ($1.29)
• Rag mop (not one of those sissy "Moppettes" advertised on TV!) $5-7/mop
• Bucket (at least 5 gallon size) Find an old one in the garage.
• 6-10 small (8" X 14") terry cloth towels. 5 for $3 at Dollar General.
• Vacuum cleaner (I bought a used one recently for $40 and it would suck up an elephant.)
• Small can room deodorizer ($1 at DG).

So add it up: CHEAP!

• Start at the ceiling, including ceiling fans and work your way down to the floor in every room (look in corners for cob webs, knock 'em down with a broom) .
• Dust everything with terry cloth towels (shake towels outside if they get too dusty).
• Vacuum all floors on the lowest vacuum setting floor will tolerate (Never Sweep! Too time consuming and ineffective. It only stirs up dust and then you'll have to dust all over again--NOT!)
• Pre-clean bathrooms ( including toilet and counter surfaces) with a thin film of Clorox.
• Let stand while doing everything else. Close bathroom doors till you come back. (Fumes will be bad at first, but gone when you come back.)
• Spray dirty tile grout heavily with Tilex Mold and Mildew and leave it on till you go back to bathrooms. (This will kill any mold or mildew and make grout WHITE.)
• Mop floors with 6:1 solution of Water: Clorox
• Go back to bathrooms, wipe everything down with a clean damp terry cloth towel, clean mirrors with paper towels and Windex and "mop your way out".
• When you finish a room spray tons of room deodorizer in it and close the door.
• It will fade in strength quickly and be just right when you at last go into that room with a better, more pleasurable purpose than cleaning it.
• Do this throughout the house till finished.

TIP: Always make mopping the last thing you do in a room, and as Tiffy says, "mop your way out." No tracks, no doing anything over again (God forfend!).

You could always do more work, spend more time and wear yourself out, if you want to. But I doubt your house would be any cleaner or better smelling than if you cleaned "according to Tiffy!"

You gotta get your mind right for this infrequent task, or you will surely fail. My own personal favorite cleaning libation and ritual are a liter of Pinot Noir and old Stones' albums turned up way loud, but just below "neighbor-complaint" decibels.

Search deeply within and you will find the key that will unlock your "inner cleanliness."

Throughout the course of history, grog or a pint has proven useful to fortifying troops before battle. Don't deny yourself this advantage, or whatever it takes to rev your engine for a quick start.  (Tiffy drinks expresso by the gallon and whoops and growls as she attacks messes and dirt.  Just do whatever it takes to get to the war zone properly motivated and armed.)

Your choice.

Godspeed.