In this ever changing world filled with ups and downs and everything in between, its nice to know that there are still little things in life that we can always count on no matter what. Those little guarantees life throws at us to remind us that when everything seems to be going haywire, there are still a few constants.

Believe it or not there are guarantees when it comes to parenting. For instance,

---No matter how expensive or magnificent a toy you buy your kid happens to be, they will always have more fun playing with the box it came in.

That's right. Forts, playhouses, play ovens, doll houses, caves; they will all be created from that one little box. This box will serve as 'go to toy number one' for the child until the cardboard finally collapses on itself and you have to wrestle the mangled heap from your kid to throw it away.

---The one timeyou accidentally leave the house without a stockpile of extra diapers and wipes will be the day your baby decides to have a massive smelly bout of diarrhea. In the middle of the book store.

Babies apparently have a sixth sense that alerts them to your most vulnerable moments as a parent. They may look cute and innocent, but babies are just waiting for you to get the edge of your nerves so they can push you right on over. They're stealthy that way, babies.

---As soon as you get your newborn all buckled up in her car-seat, dressed in a clean adorable new outfit that has her looking picture perfect, she will have the biggest spit up you have ever seen come out of a baby.

The exorcist has nothing on a newborn in clean clothes. You will be amazed and horrified all at the same time at the amount of spit up that has just come out of your baby. Clothes will be covered, blankets will be ruined and smelly spit up will be in every tiny, impossible to clean crevice of the car-seat. This is also the point when you will contemplate never attempting to leave the house again.

---As a parent, you will be peed on, pooped on, puked on and bled on. You will hold chewed up food, spit out milk, throw up and snot in your bare hands without blinking an eye. You will answer the most eye popping, hilarious, thought provoking questions and you will be forever entertained.

Some constants of our lives fall into a category all their own. They are the weird little occurrences that happen to us with out fail, such as

---Even after the wife/mother of the house has successfully trained every male in the household to put the toilet seat down, one of these males inevitably will leave the seat up in the middle of the night, leaving the woman of the house to find it. The hard way.

If you are a woman reading this, you know what I am talking about. For some reason, our tushies are drawn to dark bathrooms where the lid on potty has been left up. We stumble in still half asleep at two in the morning and plop down on a seat that is missing. "AAAHHH!!!" The entire house awakens to our scream at the frightening feeling of realizing what is happening as it is too late, but also the cold water splashing up around us as we hit butt to toilet water. It is unspoken knowledge that every woman this has happened to has quietly plotted revenge.

---The one rainy day you decide to let your dog out the back door to potty alone while you wait at the door watching him is the day he will decide to poop in your neighbor's yard. While he happens to be at his door watching. And sees you at your door also watching.

Yes, dogs and all animals really, seem to have the same sixth sense as babies. You may only be able to see your dog's backside from your vantage point behind the back door, but guaranteed, he is laughing at you.

---As long as you have Postage stamps in your desk drawer, you will never need them, but as soon as you get rid of them you will have a stack of envelopes needing to be mailed.

This never fails. I think it is a scheme by the Post Office to get us to buy more stamps.

---Your junk drawer is always full of thousands of batteries of every shape and size...except the size you need.

If you need AA, you will have C's, D's and 9 volts. If you need D's you will have more AA's than you could count, but no D's. Again, a scheme, this time by the battery makers.

There are a few of life's sure things that fall into a housekeeping or cleaning up section. They include:

--The harder you work to get a carpet/rug clean, the more filth will be tracked in on it.

Think husband's mucky work boots, dog covered in mud, kids traipsing through in whatever it is that kids get covered in. Whatever you can imagine as disgusting and vile will wind up on your rug the second you return your cleaning supplies to the closet. You will be feeling pretty proud of yourself for such a job well done until you walk back into the room to find a carpet messier than it was before you started cleaning.

---Church clothes and picture taking clothes attract stains. Every stain. In record time.

This one almost defies the laws of physics. You know how it goes. You dress your child in his/her Sunday best, turn to grab their dress shoes and turn back to see shirts untucked, food stains on collars, rips in tights and disheveled hair. The lesson learned: never turn your back on a child in dress clothes.

And Finally...

---As soon you finish cleaning the toilet, someone will need to poop.

Seriously, its like a light goes off above the door as soon as your done and a voice comes out over an intercom, "Time to poo, everybody start your tushies!!" I'm not kidding, if you have a constipated person in the house, don't waste your money on laxatives, just clean the toilet.