My relationship was nothing if not multifaceted. My boyfriend and I had tried every possible arrangement and or terminology to live with and describe our situation. First we were boyfriend and girlfriend, then we were engaged, eventually we were living together. This is when all the crap hit the fan. On the first day I moved in there were issues, such as my belongings smelling like cigarettes (I'm an indoor smoker, he's an outdoor smoker); a minor glitch easily resolved by airing out my clothes and limiting my smoking to outdoors only. Then there was the coffee issue; I insisted that interrupting the brew cycle to get one cup threw off the taste of the entire pot (trivial I know). We got over these things and life seemed to get on easily enough, until things became stagnant. Day in and day out we did the same things (work, kids, school, parents), had the same conversations, went the same old places. Clearly there was little passion or inspiration left. After a few arguments generated out of boredom and desperation, I returned his engagement ring and moved out.

End of story? No. Of course we still talked on a regular basis, we still loved each other. Just because we were bored with each other and grew to not be able stand the others sight at times, we still cared about one another. And so we kept in contact. That led to a date, which of course rekindled the feelings that brought us together in the first place. We were both happy. No stupid arguments over what channel to watch. No "Have you seen my keys?", or the worst "You paid how much for that?". Nothing like that...just peaceful, blissful dating (which stopped by the way when we lived together). So me, ever the woman (and proverbial pot stirrer) came up with this idea; why can't we still get married and just not live together?

I mean think about it...We were happier not living together. We still loved each other. Why not take the plunge and just make the commitment? When I presented this idea to him he looked at me like I said, "let's forget that whole toilet nonsense and just wear diapers!". He thought I was being totally ridiculous (not unlike a few other times, such as my lemonade diet experiment). I talked him to death about it, telling him that this is not a new concept, it's been going on for years! Even before the phrase "living apart together" came to being, married couples sometimes did this by osmosis. I mean some people just weren't meant to be around each other all the time, seeing each other day in and day out. If you thrive on a little passion and excitement, this can be a real killer. It's what some would call "friends with benefits" only these friends are married....and faithful. Who knows, this concept might save a lot of otherwise unsalvagable marriages.

We could have had separate homes, separate finances. I could've owned ten dogs and cats or decorated my house in obnoxiously girly attire, all without offending him. On the other hand he could watch NASCAR all day, fart without excusing himself and take out the trash at his leisure, whatever he wanted to do!

Finally I backed off with all the talking and I said "just look it up". Type in the phrase living apart together in an Internet search and tell me what you think. As you probably already guessed there was no amount of reading, talking or chiding that would change his mind; this was a no go. His arguments were "what do I tell people when they ask me, so where's your wife?". I wanted to tell him it was none of their damn business really, but instead I said "just tell them the truth, tell them I'm at home, tell them I'm on a business trip. Hell, tell them whatever you want, I mean, it doesn't really matter as long as we're happy. Sure, don't get me wrong, it's not like we had not discussed all of this in the beginning. It's just that as we progressed in our relationship and got to know each other more, some issues came to the fore that were not there initially. I tried to bridge the gap with this idea but it just didn't fly. In the end he wanted tradition. He wants what his parents had and what his sister has. He wants the joint bank account, the two car garage, the white picket fence, the dual sink bathroom vanity. My opinion is that he can still have those things, I guess I just wouldn't have been there to share it....together or not.