The Spiritual journey that began after my father died has put my heart and soul at peace, the pain will always be there, but the certainty that our spirit is eternal is truly enlightening. Losing a loved one is really the hardest thing I have ever experienced. So many people search for answers to explain why we have to endure such pain in this life. These questions about the nature of life usually precede the journey which commonly begins when your life is turned upside down by some tragedy, like a loss. The journey I speak of is different for everyone. It can be a life long adventure, unlocking doors to personal growth, or a downward spiral pulling you too hard to hold on, changing your complete lifestyle along the way. Though, there are many things to help your soul during times of pain and despair, I have found the ability and willingness to have an open mind, to keep love in my heart, and to be able to change my life when wisdom I've learned facilitates spiritual growth have been my most important tools.

In an ironic twist of fate, it seems in my experience that when a person is at their rock bottom, emotionally, they are at their most open, mentally. For me, a desire to find comfort and make sense of what was happening had convinced me to keep an open mind, to find what rang true in my heart. My journey led me to Embraced by the Light, a book written by Betty J. Eadie. This book was my gateway to personal growth. I began to get answers for how I was feeling. When my Dad died I was angry, twenty years old and irrational for many years trying to make sense of my life, his life, just trying to figure it out, but I didn't know what it was. This book and many spiritual books to follow, were my comfort. I was finding answers that made sense to me, explaining my pain, and expanding my spirituality to all religions and beliefs beyond my protestant roots. When my mother died, I was thirty, with three kids, one on the way, and in the middle of that time of reckoning, making peace with accepting responsiblity for anothers' soul, and having a life that doesn't just effect my own. Her passing helped me to realize the simplicity of life. Maybe by neccessity, I began to journey deeper into my own self, my wisdom, and found life to be less complex. I mean, what's worse than losing your loved ones, anything after that really pales in comparison. It took such a weight off, to reprioritize what was important to me, to put love of my self and family first, above all else, especially my own grief and fear.

There are two major choices you can make in your life that affect the outcome of your journey. You can live in fear of or love all things. Fear breeds ignorance. Ignorance is not stupidity, it is just the inability to have an open mind. Ignorance is not always bliss, sometimes it just holds you back. Don't let fear get the best of you. Let go and have faith in yourself that you will find and hold on to great new thoughts that ring true in your heart and fill your life with joy. Love is a commonality in human nature, a true blessing, to aid us in this life. We all struggle with the same things, same trials, same lessons, let's not pretend we can't ever feel compassion for one another. We have an affinity with each other and we can and should help each other through this journey. Loving humanity leads us to the greatest answers we have all researched in our lives. Having respect for all matter in this Earth helps to understand that there is a higher purpose for everything in life. Every fallen leaf, every cry in desperation, every beautiful sunset reminds us of the continuous evolution of our soul, a journey not complete without changing your perception of yourself.

Some people question why things happen without really wanting answers because those answers come with the price of change. Change is the only constant in this life. To embrace this thought would be giving yourself a huge advantage. It has helped me to find peace within myself to believe in the thought that there is a higher purpose for everything in life. There are reasons for what happens and we have to learn from our experiences, our emotions, or I believe we will come full circle and experience the same lessons again. In order for me to move on from my personal pain and fear, I had to feel all of my emotions and realize that in order to be happy, healthy, and fulfill my life, I must let time run it's course and make peace in the wake of hard earned wisdom.

In conclusion to my soul searching which has lasted over a decade, I have a much more profound understanding of the connection of every one and every thing in my life. The continuity of life after death, which is the driving principle behind spiritualism, has been a comfort and reason for me to go forth in my life and make my change, my contribution. A willingness and desire to live in the moment, to feel the joy, to have the faith in myself and my purpose for being here, that is where my journey has brought me. Knowing what little time we have in this life to make a difference, to help further our consciousness, I look to humanity to find happiness, to feel comfort and security because I know my loved ones are with me and waiting with open arms when my time here is finished. This is how I live on, one day at a time.