Living With a Tween

Do you live with a tween?  What?  You don't know what a tween is?  A tween is a child between child and teenager usually between the ages of 11 and 15 years old.

When I was growing up a generation ago, there was no such thing as tweens.  There were children, teenagers, and adults.  But nowadays, an entire new group of kids has emerged, and rightly so, because our children develop so much faster than we did even just one generation ago.  Tweens are physically and hormonally more developed that we were.  My 12 year old daughter is just one inch shorter than I am and wears adult sized clothes, and she is no where near close to done growing.

But are they even close to as mentally developed as a teenager?  No way, they are still far behind teens in mental and emotional development.  So even though they look like teens or adults, they are not.

Tweens can be hard to communicate with because of hormones. The hormones we are used to thinking of being a teenager issue starts much earlier as girls especially start growing faster. Tweens can be very moody, and unsure of themselves. They cry easily, and feel less sef-confident in their new bodies.

One minute they will be happy, the next depressed. It is natural for them to be that way, but you need to keep an eye on them to make sure that the moods are not lasting too long.

Give them boundaries. They will test them over and over. You will have to repeat the rules, and the consequences. But they need your guidance.

Make sure to let them know that you love them. They are at a critical point in their development right now, and need to hold your hand, even if they seem to be pushing you away.

Praise their successes, even if they turn around and disappoint you the next time. They are listening to your every word, every nuance at this age.

Be the calm in the storm of their emotions. You need to be the one who anchors them in a confusing world of propaganda, internet, and peer pressure.

Tweens get most of their information from school, the internet, and their peers.  And you have to teach them how to wade through gossip and innuendo to get to the truth.

Since so many of them already have their own Ipods, computers, or at least internet access, it is much, much harder to intercept everything they learn.  It is far more important to make sure that they are required to get permission from you to go anywhere or do anything even if it is with a trusted friend.

As adults, we are much more aware of dangers from the internet, and misleading, and fraudulent practices online, but our tweens are much more trusting, and vulnerable.  Since we cannot really monitor their intake of information, we absolutely need to know where they go, who they go there with, and what they are doing when they are there.  It is our job to protect them, and we as parents must monitor them.

Self-confidence is a big issue for tweens.  Because their bodies are changing, they are uncomfortable with them and need to stay physically fit to use up their boundless energy and strengthen their bodies.

Getting them involved with group activities like team sports will also help them relate better to their peers, and learn teamwork and cooperation.  Try to find sports that are less competitive and more team oriented.

Tweens turn into teenagers, then adults very quickly so appreciate your tween while you can.  Although you may be earning some additional gray hairs during this part of your child's life, you will soon see it pass by. 

They really do grow so quickly, almost before our very eyes.  Sometimes, I think that I can tell that my daughter has gotten taller just overnight.