I have lived most of my life in fear of something. Growing up, it was either the fear of my home which I believe was somehow either haunted or filled with the unexplained and the fear of being accepted by my family or peers. As I grew up, I was in fear of being a good mother, then, marriage, divorce, and the ultimate fear - the fear of being alone and raising a child.

As I aged, the fear of the unexplained followed me no matter where I lived, through more relationships and homes. Until I married again. Then my marriage was what I feared and still the unexplained followed me to my marital home. My fear grew and grew. The older I got the more fear I had in my husband and the unexplained.

The day came when I had to face my fear of my husband. I faced it and ended up in the emergency room. That is when I took a stand against fear, so I thought. I had three children, one grown and two still very young. Soon after though, I found myself living in fear again, heavy fear, but at least I was finally facing one fear.

Still, even though I decided to push and get my final divorce from an abusive husband, I found myself suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The fear of being upstairs in the home I had shared with my husband increased. I could not live. I stayed downstairs in my basement bedroom surrounded by my boys.

It was not until my lawyer told me I could move back to my home town, which was two hours away, I started to face my fear of my home. I realize that this sounded crazy, but the unexplained grew with the trauma that I had faced, the pain, the fear.

I took a job back home and moved my family away from all this trauma. Still, I suffered and found it harder than ever to face life. I worked and slept, but still I did not live life. I was thirty-seven and found it harder than ever. Until one day, my youngest son told me he did not know who I was anymore. He told me he lost his mother when he lost his father.

It broke my heart. Fear had turned into depression. The worse depression. I was not living, even though I had manage to face one of the biggest fears that many women can not face on a good day.

A man found me. Yes, found me. He wanted to be with me even with my PTSD and depression that was very apparent. Now, it has been two years since I met this man. He actually became the starting point to my recovery. With love and understanding with what I suffered from, the wonderful care he gives my two youngest children, I am able to get through all of this – fear.

I have married this man, my children are very much a part of my life, along with my new granddaughter, then my love of writing has come back to me. I wrote for sixteen years to get away and forget my fears. I stopped writing for four years because I could not manage to even live. Now, I write because I have something to say. I feel alive.

I work not to just put food on the table, but because it is fulfilling. I can breath life. I no longer fear relationships, fear being alive nor fear anything life puts before me. It is sad that it took me so many of my precious years to realize that I just feared fear itself. I was a slave to life, not living it. I smiled because I need to hide - me, but I smile now because for the first time in my life I am happy. I like myself. I like my life. I love my job. I love to write and I love my family. The strange thing is that the unexplained has not seemed to followed me here. I do not know if it is because I no longer have time to pay attention to it, or I was actually manifesting these unexplained happenings with my inner turmoil.

What people need to know is that there is help out there. No, I do not take medication to get me through. But, it it nice to know it is out there if I needed it. No, I did not seek out professional help. But, this too is out there if I needed it. I am lucky that love and understanding was all I needed. It gave me the strength to finally faced all my fears and conquered them - head on and won. My parting gift was me and my life. Take charge, start living.