Five years ago, I was living happily in the Midwest. My personality was light hearted, jovial and social. But within the year I began to feel different, my usual mild manner changed and when I felt depressed, it was not the usual blues that we all experience at one time or another. The depression was deep, abysmal and encompassing, my body felt frayed and I was on edge. I became unmotivated and noticed that I was having recurring depressive episodes, each becoming increasingly worse. The depression was numbing and consuming-I realized I was in trouble.

There were times I participated in binge drinking, and then experienced episodes of mania. For example, I remember driving drunk down major highways, thinking it was hilarious. I am so lucky I did not get myself or anyone else killed.

Another manic moment occurred on a frigid winter morning- the temperature was a stingy 5 degrees. I thought that it would be humorous to drive to work with the windows down and the sunroof open BRRRR! The harsh wind whipped against my face but the experience was exhilarating, I felt as though I was invincible. Another manic episode occurred when I shopped at a Best Buy and spent nearly 5k on stereo equipment. What a nightmare. My mental health was deteriorating.

Eventually, I left the Midwest and came home to the east coast and sought help. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I had experienced depression before, but none as severe. However, as stated above there were moments I felt high, alive, invincible, and often impulsive. I sought a second opinion and was eventually diagnosed with rapid cycling bipolar disorder.

Bipolar disorder is a very serious and debilitating mental illness. Psychologists have recently termed bipolar depression as the new manic depression. People with rapid cycling bipolar disorder alternate between periods of hypo-mania and major depressive episodes. However, in most cases depression is most prevalent. Repeated periods of depression are punctuated by infrequent, shorter periods of elevated mood.

Rapid cycling bipolar disorder is usually diagnosed after someone experiences a hypo-manic or manic episode, however this was untrue with me. The depression was the most alarming factor.

If gone untreated for an extended period the sufferer’s actions can have a profound effect on their life and those around them, especially loved ones who do not understand the illness or unaware that their love one is sick. But when a person is productive, it is harder to detect. When experiencing a manic episode a person can still be extremely capable and excel at their career or other types of activities. They function on little or no sleep, have thoughts of grandeur which harbours a need to work harder. However, there is a strong probability that the sufferer will suddenly crash. Their mood swings into an unreasonable or irrational state and it reeks havoc on the family. The person may struggle going about thier routine. It’s as if the person is acting out or behaving badly. Most often, the sufferer WILL become less productive and struggle to keep their job. And this behavior will obviously have negative long term consequences. In some extreme cases, the sufferer may experience suicidal tendencies.

Most people with rapid cycling bipolar disorder alternate between extreme highs (mania) and lows (depression). “Manic” describes an increasingly restless, energetic, talkative, reckless, powerful, euphoric behavior. Also, Lavish spending sprees or impulsive risky sex can occur. I was sleeping around at the time and had already spent five grand on stereo equipment."The change can be very dramatic, with catastrophic results. People can get involved in reckless behavior, spend a lot of money, there may be sexual promiscuity, sexual risks,” says Michael Aronson, MD, a clinical psychiatrist." Then, at some point, the mania can spiral into something darker -- irritation, confusion, or anger. "Depression" is the POLAR opposite, symptoms such as sadness, loss of interest in hobbies, crying, feeling worthless and lousy, as well as loss of energy, loss of pleasure, and severe sleep problems are common occurrences.

The “highs and lows” of the illness are unpredictable. Thankfully, I was never hospitalized and found excellent psychiatric care. As stated, I was misdiagnosed and treated for depression; this is quite common, because most patients ignore the mania that follows. For example, in one study of people with bipolar disorder, the amount of time spent depressed was more than 35 times greater than those who presented hypo-manic symptoms.

However, if treated for depression alone with MAOIs, (anti-depressants) this can affect the patient negatively and actually increase the degree of rapid cycling, which can lead to manic episodes.

Finding the best psychiatric care is essential because this illness is as individual as the person it afflicts. For some people, episodes of mania or depression can last for weeks or months, even for years, and for others bipolar disorder takes the form of frequent and dramatic mood swings.

In early treatment, the doctor may not find the correct “cocktails” of medication, and may make adjustments. This is a frustrating process, but very common, it can take time to find the correct psychotropic cocktail that controls and manages the symptoms. Most doctors prefer mood stabilizers such as Depacote or Lamictal coupled with an anti-depressant; Prozac or Paxil. Geodon can also be helpful for the maintenance of mania symptoms. Also, the sufferer must stay on their meds. I have heard too many stories of patients who thought they were symptom free, or cured and discontinued their meds. This is obviously very dangerous. First, the person can relapse and then suffer from stronger mood swings. In turn the doctor will have to prescribe stronger meds. For example, its as if one has strep throat and is being treated with an antibiotic and then discontinues because they feel better. Then suddenly they have a relapse and develop pneumonia. The doctor has to try a new course of treatment because the disease is more severe and dangerous.

On a lighter note, I knew of a man who discontinued his meds because he was symptom free and said he felt great. Soon after he experienced a hypo-manic episode and then decided to take a road trip from Philadelphia to South Carolina, for the sole purpose of running around naked in the warmth of the sun while at a rest stop. He was immediately arrested and returned to Philadelphia where he was released into the custody of his psychiatrist.