I was married for a long time 18 years to long. I was married at the age of seventeen.I have been divorced for 10 years. I have never remarried. I have been close a couple of times. I have dated alot up until a couple of years ago when I just stopped. except for the two dates I had a couple of weeks ago, if they count. Yes they count the point is I always do something to get rid of the person.I sabbotage the date or just find a reason I do not want to be with them anymore. I have not figured out why I do this. Some of these guys are really nice guys and I am sure I could be happy with at least one of them. But I do not take the time to get to know them. One guy I did not like his coat, another his voice was irrating to me, yet another he had no butt.

Now you ask do I think I am perfect. No way I find the same faults wrong with me. I think I am not good enough for them. Have I been hurt by some guy? Yes I have and I am over him. I do think that he messed my head up though. I have not been able to have a relationship since him. I do not give them enough emotion to care. I meet them I say this will last a couple of dates then it is over. Sure enough without me doing anything I am aware of it rarely makes it past the first date.

This is not what I want from life to live alone and be alone for the rest of my life. I dream of love and happiness. Living the rest of my life with someone who makes me happy. I just do not think I know how to do this anymore!