Have you have ever wondered if an online  relationship really works ,and what happens when the romantic relationship  becomes a reality?. A long distance relationship has an air of excitement, and ups and downs like any other romance, but if I ever were to offer  free relationship advice ,it would be this. Listen to your heart and your head, you need both to be agreeing with each other especially and like any romantic relationship ,a long distance relationship has just as much chance as surviving as any other.

Read my story how I travelled from half way across the world to develop a long distance relationship that began as on  online relationship.

This is my ,our beginning as good as any place to begin.

Sometimes it all seems so long ago ,other times just as though it happened yesterday

When I was a young girl I loved to write to people in other countries or another culture, they were known as "penfriends or pen pals" then ,and while I don't consider myself that old!...technology has replaced that social aspect or wonder of 'getting to know' someone that way.( the snail post way ) haha..

I'm not talking about singles dating sites nor am I criticizing them ,after all who am I to pass judgement on something Ive never tried.....

I tend to think of " those sites" as the new "speed dating" ventures that have begun to pop up arranged, and accepted as being socially acceptable.

The new black or something.........( who thought that label up anyway ?)...

"How could you ever trust anyone you met online"??? or is this a romantic relationship!

Oh that was such a familiar question , sometimes genuinely asked but mostly it was asked in an disapproving condescending tone, usually followed with so " its one of those online things".........silently the whole disclosure being filed under " fantasy and fruitless"........

I decided very early on that I would never be defensiveabout any online friends, much in the same way as I don't do that to my neighbors or childhood friends, and while it takes a certain amount of confidence , the reality is, it takes is an awareness, that people who make the most negative comments usually lack the confidence to try any new thing anyway .

The internet is used in many ways , and online relationshipsare just one of them. I wasn't born during the technology age so to speak ,so looking for a romantic relationship was the furthest thing from my mind.

Nevertheless the friend I met online ,became my husband 9yrs later.

.

Well look here I'm back again....prejudiced was where I was at last...and where I will launch off........

Hes American ??? they said

Shes from where ??? others said

But the man and woman were grinning from ear to ear, how cool another new friend half way across the world ,all they knew was they shared the same birth-date and sense of humor, and in this vast world of changing certainties,the unfamiliar was refreshing and complete in itself for any one day.

Four years took us both through changes some big, some ordinary ,sometimes we helped each other like a brother and sister would ,chastising or guiding , other times we teased and kidded. A curious friendship had become a romantic realtionship.

The world kept turning ,tragedies happened , babies were born , people got married and we like children wondered 'wouldn't it be neat if we could see each other for real ,since by now curiosity had been replaced with hope and innocent dreams. we had become so used to each other and since we never had the physical aspect talked for hours or wrote very long letters ( later it was gifts ) then long distance phone calls.

Soon the 4 yrs became 5 and one of said ...you know with all the expense of toll calls and postage ..we must have already paid for one plane fare!!!...we both read free up on free relationship advice, but we both knew reality would be the obvious step..

We had finally come to our first cross-road, and the friendship had transcended to something more ,but we needed to "be real" to continue or end this journey.

Heres some free relationship advice -set a timeline ie. In 6 mths , ( you decide the boundaries and timeframes) I want to be sure about this decision and accept this or that, if not be kind to your heart and listen to your brain ,either end the online relationship or pursue it.

The girl had always wanted to experience a different way of life and culture and more than that ...."be part of a white Christmas".....( its summertime and hot when Santa jingle jangles his way through this side of the world).....and now a new star was beckoning , from way up North......

2003 she left her country ,travelled across two oceans , many cities and towns ,eventually the international time zone -13 hours later she landedin L.A.....Americans to the right a voice announced over the speaker ...Non-Americans to the left .......the girl grinned for this was the part of the journey that was to be the beginning of experiencing first hand the "real" another culture within cultures. I used the layover time to chat to as many people as I could from security to the most unlikely traveller always in a safe area . I was never afraid and everything was different ,except McDonalds.

Eventually I was to board my final plane to Pittsburghand I began to get a little weary ( I think from keeping alert and watching timetables ,and exits) but as the few hours passed adrenaline kept me swinging from feeling docile to over-excited . Oh I just wanted my feet to be on terra firma and for a few minutes I thought for the first time what if hes not at the airport?.....( I never really doubted he wouldn't be ...because I knew he was just as curious as I was.....) ........

...Like a tired lamb I followed all the other passengars to a shuttle thing hoping they all knew where they were headed ,I just wanted to see the sky and feel the earth beneath my feet.

As I scanned the horizon for the luggage area , a exit door and HIM.....I desperately needed a bathroom , a cigarette and a few minutes to smell the air in this place , this city , for this is where he was born , what would he really be like? , what would he smell like? , how would he walk ?, how tall is really? yes Id seen him briefly and had one photo but there is so much more that a picture never captures...............

That after-all is why I am here.........

As I knelt down to pick up my backpack I heard my name being called.......and as I stood up to look I smiled for I knew it was Him.....my eyes took in his outstretched arms holding flowers and beaming from ear to ear.......absentmindedly I patted my hair into place and shyly smiled.....( regreting id never found the bathroom to freshen up first ) ....oh well , real is real I guess...hahaha......

We fell into each others ,elated , then as the minutes passed I grew a little nervous or maybe it was the nicotine withdrawl kicking in because I sure wanted to get out of that terminal and just to stop travelling and thinking for awhile.....

But we did it, the Country Girl had transversed the Pacific and International Dateline ( did I say Dateline ) ......haha...yes indeed crossed 3 time zones and in fact the date and time was the same as when Id left New Zealand but I had been in the air for 18 hrs.......and here I was almost midnight in Pittsburgh....and ice on the roads and snow lightly falling........

Wow and two days ago I was in Summer and frantically looking for warm winter clothes to pack.........

The new crispness of Winter in the air ( late Nov)....refreshed me and I felt alive ,even the flowers seem to welcome me and I looked up at my best friend and smiled .

The first picture shows me in a field on a country farm in Canterbury ,New Zealand......the second pic is me outside a well-known eating place in market square , Pittsburgh U.S.A

...and the snow gently fell and all those Northern Hemiphere Christmas Cards know-one likes in the Southern Hemisphere because of all the snow finally was not out of place in this wonderous winterland ....I remember one day when we took a Greyhound to go meet his Mum ,they made a 'refreshment' stop outside a McDonalds and I was the only one with my tongue out tasting the fluffy snowflakes and thinking how pretty everything looked , the trees dressed in white petticoats ,the ground like miles and miles of marshmallow fluffies.

Thanksgiving USA style .....oh oh oh......His family were fantastic people , so kind and hospitable and the food.....I never tasted turkey that fine before!!!!!....and so many dishes of this an that , the food not foreign but the way it was put together was creative and so so good !!!..........Couldnt decide on my fav pie so I had a taste of them all.......Shoo-fly pie took the prize but only just.....I tried to be polite and just eat like a sparrow ,but something happened and the sparrow became more like a vulture.. ( blush ..blush...) .....I certainly made up for any Thanksgiving Id ever missed ( and birthday and Christmas )...hahaha.......

Boy meets girl and we explored as many places as we could ,even keeping promises to visit a Dairy Queen ....Sushi Kims ( aww they were so nice to me ).............

The weeks passed quickly and soon it was time for me to depart , my friend couldnt come with back with me and he begged me to stay . It was a solemn ride to the airport that cold January morning . Running late they held the plane for me and security allowed my friend passed the barrier right up to the last walk-thru.

He broke down and cried when I left ,and I would never be the same

Now New Zealand calls her daughter home.

..Which sometimes isnt such a bad deal.....hahaha....im kidding ,but customs were kind and allowed all kinds of bits n pieces in my luggage.....( maybe they thought is this lady for real....).........

Time moved slowly for a few weeks as I contemplated where and what my life was up too......our communication continued online and landline /cell calls. I grew disatisfied because while it was a great start ,now it wasnt moving forward to me....he missed me , I missed Him , we felt lets do it and now it was up to the American to put walk the talk.........

To show he was serious he sent a diamond ring ,25 sparkly diamonds in fact......oh me oh myyyyyyy......via courier ,you crazy yank I shrieked but ok now hes serious.......he said that is to show you my intentions.....yep honey the ring is the most beautiful thing Ive ever seen , I love you too , but a Diamond wont keep me warm at night..........ohhhh things were becoming exciting and intense at the same time....................

Perhaps he will find the confidence to leave his country and come see mine , perhaps he will get cold feet......and offer some excuse..........stay tuned.....

One year exactly to the date that I had first met my now Fiancee ,he arrived in New Zealand. We were like two excited children waiting for their first Christmas,now we were Eaglekiwi for real.

He had many changes to encounter and unlike my stay of 7 weeks ,the pause in his journey would take several weeks ,months even.

Much celebration was in order and many amusing events happened along the way .After the frivolities of Christmas and New Year passed he looked at employment and dreamed of owning his own home in this little piece of Paradise on the other side of the world.The dynamics of children proved to be both a blessing and sometimes frustation , that is maybe another hub all on its own ,but not one I wish to give priority here.

Im an optimist at heart and believe if the goal is greater than the problem ,then keep your eyes focused on the goal.......

To conclude we stumbled and fumbled around cultural changes and attitudes and like the song John Denver sings ..."Some Days Are Diamonds, Some Days Are Stone".......pretty much sums it up.

Occassionally He lost his way ...and His heart felt sad , he felt misunderstood , he felt many things but one thing he didnt feel was homesick enough to leave.......and she .....well......she was patient.......and believed in God more than she believed in problems........

After that inital flush of excitement and early honeymoon the road grew rocky and uncertain.......still the desire remained to stay together ,forever..... 

....Family Dynamics , Cultural Differences , which were often subtle but never the less real for my fiancee took dips and dives as we both got on with the realities of everyday life . I helped prepare him as much as I could for different environments ,personal , employment , government depts , family, but at the end of the day much of the outcome would be His joy or burden to experience.,and all I could be was that friend he had first trusted from the very beginning......

I strongly believe that Love Conquers All.....and that the word Love is a Verb....that means Action baby...dont just say it...do it......if when you dont feel like it............to me thats called backing up the talk.......now wish I could say we excelled in these fine attributes but alas the best we could do was "get up and try again'"........

Its funny in a chat programme or even out socially we are all used to goofing around and exaggerating the truth from slightly to extreme ,but when a persons emotions are at stake there comes a time when standing up and being real is the best option for you both.....short and definatley long term....

My Spiritual faith increased along the way ,for there were many times when often the reality of a situation didnt make sense so I let go , and let God.....at all times God remained loyal and was the final voice of reason.

I am not young ,rich or famous but I am following my dream and I look forward to the future, for the world is our playground, and there is so much more still to learn and enjoy yet ,both here in New Zealand and in the United States.......I dont want to limit my experiences with prejudice ,rascism , or ignorance.

So are we still together ?.......Absolutely........Has it been easy ?......Nope

But then if it had been easy ,would we appreciate the journey this far?...probably not,or honor God for his Guidance and Care. 

We were married this year 22.08.08............wooohooooooo!! another milestone........

Thankyou for reading my first hub ,I enjoyed bringing it to you....

Arohanui Ake! Ake!