Life seems harder today than most days.  I went today to show my home...  the home I lived in for 10 years with my husband and family.  I almost cried to think of really having to sell it.  I brought all of my babies home from the hospital to that home and shared many happy memories there.  At first it upset me...  Then I got really angry.  It wasn't me that caused the break-up of the marriage.  I know he probably says the same thing.  I guess that's why they call it irreconcilable differences....

Anyway, I can't say that I am miserable.  I have a lot of things and people in my life that make it a wonderful one.  I just think about "what could have been".........  I guess I should say I think about what I expected.  I got married with the expectations of living a full, happy and comfortable life with the man I loved.   Most of that was make believe.  I made myself believe I was in love when all I really knew was the whole thing was new and something different.  I didn't know what love was to be honest...  I have three children now.  That is love.  I would do anything for my girls.  It is hard to compare any other love to that love. 

All I know is today was a rough one to conquer.  I am looking for comfort.  Not to babysit... but to adopt.  Hold it in my bosom and breathe it in.  I want a home that I can come to just to relax at the end of the day, not a home that belongs to someone else that I have to accommodate everyone else's needs but my own.  I want a good man to share it all with.  Someone who respects me and knows the real me and learns something new every day and still wants to be with me.   I want a job that works for my life and my pockets..... SIGH.........  I'm not sure if any of that will come.... if it does, I'm sure it will not be soon enough.  If anyone knows where I can get peace of mind....  let me know.