Losing yourself in any relationship is always a risk. It is extremely important to stay in touch with one's being. In a marriage, both parties tend to become an extension of the other, with no concept of the impending loss. They do everything together, and learn to take on the other's personality traits. In a positive, healthy relationship, this is not a bad thing. In a growing relationship, there is mutual respect, and that allows each party to retain their own self.

However, in a toxic relationship, there is no respect. No regard for the sacrifices made on the part of one partner. There is an unspoken expectation that the other will do what the seemingly dominate partner wants. They stop making plans, stop having dreams and the thirst for life begins to dwindle. I say seemingly dominate because they are, in fact, the weaker of the two. They are controllers and they prey on the mind of the other. Only their wants and desires matter to them, and usually at the cost of the other.

When does this cycle end? That is a tough call. Sometimes, it never ends, and a life is destroyed at the hands of another. Then again, people do wake up and realize what is going on. Anger sets in, arguments insue, and the uprising begins at that point. With every conflict that person gets stronger and more determined to break the hold. Eventually, they do. That is when the hard part begins.

Once freed, they have to get to know who they are again. Define what they want from life, what they want to do with their life. Make plans, resurrect their dreams and desires. It is a long process of rebuliding. Taking a critical look at one's life is a very difficult thing to do. But in order to get past the damage done, it is necessary. Deciding what is best is obtained through self examination and making the conscious choice to not repeat the past decisions.

I only know this, because this is what I have had to do. I shed a lot of tears, lost a lot of sleep and became very quiet with myself. I have risen above the abuse, made decisions that i can only hope are right for me. I smile every day now and have very good relationships with the people around me. I say what I think, and stand firm on my beliefs. I am just me, and I like that. I think positive, but realistically. All I expect of myself is to be happy and comfortable in my own skin. It took me about 10 years to get to this point, but I am here, and I love this place.

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