(The following account is a composite from interviews I conducted of two men who described their spiritual paths, journeys, triumphs and pitfalls to me over a period of a few days in early December 2008. The material is presented as a first-hand, singular account for reasons of readability. I hope that you can find solace in knowing that every person's spiritual experience can be tough, and even those people whose spiritual lives seem to be flawless and enviable might be experiencing inner turmoil. When I first began these interviews, they were merely conversations about spirituality and religion, and both men seemed to have rigid and uncompromising attitudes with regard to their religious beliefs and spiritual paths. They seemed sure that God, or a "Higher Being" as one called it, had set a path before them, and it was their duty to follow that path. However, I'd never have known, until I dug deeper, that both of them had struggled their entire lives, while on their spiritual journeys, to keep their feet firmly planted on "God's path." And while both of these men came from different religious and spiritual backgrounds, they're stories, as you can see, weave nicely into a singular narrative. My hope is that by reading this composite account you can find something in which to personally identify, thereby assisting you as you proceed withyour own spiritual and/or religious journey).

COMPOSITE ACCOUNT, EXTENDED QUOTES:

"Looking back, it was as if the World had exorcised me of God," he said flatly. "I found God at the age of 12, having a truly religious and cleansing experience back then. It almost felt as if God had truly entered my heart and cleansed my soul of sin. I felt awash with ecstasy, amazed and truly proud that I was now going to Heaven and was now one of [God's chosen people].

I had escaped damnation and had an everlasting backstage pass into Heaven, regardless of my future sin. I say 'everlasting' because, as it was explained to me, you could not lose your salvation, maybe your religion, but never your salvation. The way it was explained to me, you could do whatever you wanted and never forfeit your salvation. However, doing what you wanted, all the time, without the guidance of God, can easily leave your soul black and empty, and before you know it you're thirsting for that feeling previously had, where God filled your soul and cleansed out all of the bad things.

After the World had exorcised my soul of God, as I described earlier, I longed to have my God back. I longed to be filled with spirituality once more. I began an intense study of eschatology, which is the study of the end times. I found a sick sort of comfort in exploring what religion had to say about the end of the world. Not that believing that the world would one day end is 'sick,' but that longing for the end of the world constantly can become rather unhealthy. I found that I was focusing not on God, but more on the end of the world, which is God's final judgement on sin and sinners. So, iinstead of using the time God had given me on this earth to grow spiritually, I was waiting around, doing things I shouldn't be doing, while holding ever so tightly to my heavenly backstage pass. All I could think about was that if I lived to see God destroy the world and come back to pick up his elect people, that I would get to enter the afterlife, the heavenly kingdom, without having to put a gun barrel in my mouth. I would get to experience Heaven without dying, so to speak.

I want to stress that many people are like I was. At the strongest point of my end-times obsession, I was reading more than 10 books on the subject of the world's end. Now, I read on the subject occasionally, as now I am somewhat of a scholar on the subject. The subject is now old hat for me, and while I still believe in the coming end-times and everlasting salvation, I know that the way I live my life today is important to the way I will feel on that glorious day. I understand that I am supposed to please God, and I am working on it.

I am trying not to soil my soul as much as I once did. I'm trying not to ask as much of God as give to him through works and offerings. I had a dream of a life once, where I had a wife, children, house and a two-car garage. That dream, among others, has alluded me. And thus, I still search, and while I may always be searching for answers, I'm trying to find God in each and every day. I focus on the good, and on mankind's possible redemption, instead of the end as I used to do so very much.

Yes, while this world is spiraling out of control, I am trying to find my center and keep my balance...all without losing my mind! I know that one day my God will arrive to right the wrong and separate the good people from the bad. And while I would be more than happy to meet my maker "without having to die" today, I am learning that the world, however flawed, still has beauty and that God still has a plan for each and every one of us. I believe that chaos, disorder and death are the results of our sin, and we must live with what we've done. However, our God bore his cross so that our crosses to bear might be bearable. Our sins have been forgiven, but we must not take advantage of this notion to revel in sin. We must respect God's sacrifice for us, and walk the path as He would walk it: with courage and correctness of vision.