I once listened to a series of talks that were given by a pastor of a large church encouraging women to become 'women of excellence.'

Much of what was covered in this series I found extremely helpful as I started my new marriage. It talked about relationships, how men and women interact with one another, and how families can either encourage or discourage positive relationships and lifestyles.

One thing that stuck with me was something that the Bible shares about the marital relationship. The Bible calls men to "love their wives," but rather than telling women to love their husbands, it tells them to "respect their husbands." The point the pastor was making in bringing this up is that men and women respond differently in their relationships. A woman wants to be reminded that she's loved, that she's cherished, that she's the center of her husband's world. A man, while he also appreciates these things, is more likely to feel fulfilled in a relationship when his wife is letting him know she's proud of him, that she trusts his judgement, that she appreciates the work he's putting in on a daily basis for their family.

I have to admit, I was skeptical at first, but I myself noticed a profound difference in my husband's reactions when I said, "I love you," or when I said "I'm so proud of you." Any day of the week he would rather hear me say how proud I am of what he's doing than how much I love him.

These days you hear a lot about "loving your body." And to me, its no surprise that it's women who are shouting this from the rooftops, "love your body, love yourself, accept your body for what it is." The thing is, women relate to the 'love' word. They relate to that feeling of acceptance, they want to be cherished and loved and caressed; but...I think these self-love advocates have got it wrong. I think we need to change the word from "love" to "respect."

Here's why: if we learn to love our bodies, that's great, but it won't do us a bit of good if we don't respect our bodies first. We need to respect our bodies' needs. We need to respect the fact that our bodies need regular activity, they need regular healthy foods, they need regular sleep and relaxation in order to function the way that God intended them to function.

Frankly, loving yourself when you're out of shape and unhealthy seems counterproductive. But respecting yourself enough to treat yourself in a way that will promote health and happiness seems like a great cause.

What do you think...does love, or does respect come first?