MILFs and Cougars, and GILFs? Oh My!
92
The View From Mount Ridiculous. . .
Ladies, ladies, ladies. I have bitten my lip for far too long. It's time to say something about the strange social phenom known as MILF, Cougar, and (gulp - oh merciful!) GILF-hunting.
First things first: definitions. For those of you who have been living under a rock for the last 5 years, please allow me to explain.
The MILF
MILF: An older, sexually attractive woman. (Source: Wikipedia)
Travel back in time with me, if you will. Let's journey back to the days when you were a kid, and your mom was dropping you off at soccer practice. She would smile at you in the rear-view mirror of the wood-paneled family station wagon, as she headed toward the local park. You didn't notice anything peculiar about your mom as you bounded out of the wagon toward your friends, soccer ball under your arm. Practice would end, and she was waiting for you, in her khaki kulots and polo shirt, oversized sunglasses, and mall perm. Harmless enough. You hopped back into the family wagon, and headed on home where dinner was bubbling in the crock-pot when you walked through the door.
These days, things are different. Today's moms no longer drive family station wagons. Oh, no. Nowadays, soccer field parking lots are filled with fleets of expensive, glossy black SUV's piloted by a new breed of mom known as the MILF. Pampered, plucked, and primped, these moms are (for better or worse) today's popular standard of attractiveness for married women in their mid-thirties.
How to spot a MILF:
- Highlighted or expensively cut hair
- careful make-up-application
- sterling silver Tiffany jewelry
- toned body
- Juicy Couture track suit
- Designer hand bag
- Unusually large diamond ring
When a MILF drops her kid off, it doesn't go unnoticed. Attention-seeking behavior is one of the MILF's trademarks. If she isn't able to draw attention from the other parents (especially the dads), the coach, the park maintenance workers, and even the soccer players themselves, (if they are over the age of 12), then the day is a wash for her. It will likely result in additional sessions with a hair stylist, personal trainer, therapist, or all of the aforementioned.
Highest Compliment: Overhearing her teenage son's best friend say "Dude, your mom is hot."
Cougar Spotting
Ah, Cougars. Again, a definition for those of you who don't own televisions, have internet access, or generally leave the confines of your own little universe:
Cougar: Term originally intended as a put-down for older women who would frequent bars and go home with whoever was left at the end of the night. More recently the term has a less negative connotation, describing an independent woman, usually in her 40's and older, seeking relationships (or relations) with younger men. (Source: ABC News Online. Prime Time, May 5, 2005 edition)
Spotting a Cougar:
Cougar spotting isn't as easy as MILF hunting. Typically, these large, predatory cats come out after dark. Here is where to look, and how to spot one if you see it:
Where to Look:
- Higher-end restaurants and/or bars with any form of live entertainment, i.e. piano bars, lounges with adult contemporary cover bands, and in some instances, karaoke.
- Non-Age-Appropriate clothing stores such as Bebe, Cache, or Frederick's
- Plastic surgeons' waiting room
- Med Day Spa
How to Spot a Cougar:
- Cougars are often seen in luxury cars, especially convertibles. Mid-sized white Mercedes with tan leather interior is a popular choice. If you can spot one of these on the street, chances are good there's a cougar at the wheel.
- Cougars often hunt alone. Not ones for competition of any kind, cougars can often be found alone at hotel and other bars.
- Good from afar, but far from good. This is tricky. A real cougar can fool onlookers from a distance. Well-toned and well dressed, often with hair much longer than is appropriate, Cougars can often be mistaken from across the room for a 20-30 year old woman . Upon closer inspection, you can see that she has been around the block a time or two. Sometimes this is a good thing. Sometimes this is far from good.
Highest Compliment: "You're kidding! You don't look a day over 30!"
GILF-A-LICIOUS. . .??
Wow.
Holy shit. I don't even know what to write.
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That Grandma sure has great legs, though! One of the difficulties of growing older is that you tend to forget that everyone else sees you differently than you still feel inside. It came as a very rude awakening for me to realize I'm not 30 any more. . .
There are 3 signs of a cougar according to How I Met Your Mother:
1. The Hair: Cougars keep up with the latest hair trends to give off the appearance from a younger woman from afar. It is used to lure her prey.
2. The Blouse: Cougars wear a blouse maximizing cleavage exposure to distract her prey while on the hunt. "If you're watching them bounce, she's ready to pounce!"
3. The Claws: Cougars have long claw-like fingernails to aid her in her hunt. She will use them to dig deep into the back of her prey.
Heh heh... great hub (although I think I may need mindbleach after that last pic)!
Oh boy, you live and learn! Thanks MH for dragging me out from under my rock! Most enlightening. :P
Is there a tweener version, between the MILF and Cougar? That would be me.. sigh!
Where did I park that pesky Ferrari?
LOL... credit the spiky bra for this page view.
LMAO! Ok, GILF!?!? haha, any woman with words written across the ass of her pants is definitely in the MILF, cougar, GILF department! LOL
I followed Janetta and look what it got me into...I am appalled by this!
Been there...done that.....cool hub! :)
Thanks for the tips.
I am curious to the oldest GILF R. Blue has been involved with.
Now Now GT... I don't kiss and tell.....but.....
I guess I fit somewhere in between but I'll leave the pants (yea i got some) with hotmama on the ass for at home when I am feeling sluggish. This is so funny, I know a few like this. lmao
dori
I saw the Adam Sandler movie "Don't Mess with a Zohan" yesterday. disturbingly funny and I'm sure there are some related clips to this hub.
Men Are Dorks, thanks! I love writing about ridiculous crap that I notice. This whole Milf/Cougar/Gilf thing has been a bee in my bonnet for a while. Glad you got a chuckle. :-) ~mh
Teresa: My husband said the same thing about the granny with the vacuum cleaner! I was cracking up. Men will always be men, and it doesn't matter how old the "gams" are; if they're nice, they're nice. Good to know I will be hot at age 80, per my hubby.
C Ferreira, too funny. I never watch H.I.M.Y.M, but it sounds funny. I totally agree with the hair thing, especially. I've noticed that myself. Thanks for reading! ~mh
lrowley, you're funny. Mindbleach! Reminds me of one of my favorite lines from Frasier: "Excuse my while I go gouge out my mind's eye."LMAO Thanks for reading! ~mh
Candie, I think you need to invent a new category! I appreciate you reading, and if you come up with the category, let me know. I'll add a textbox to my hub. :-)
Shadesbreath: Thanks for your candor, LOL. Glad you liked the bra. . .it's actually kind of a play on a breastfeeding hub that I did (In Defense of Moms on the Bottle). I wish the breast feeding Nazis would stay out of my bra and my business, so tI hought it was the perfect avatar :-) Thanks for stopping by! ~mh
Janetta, I am SOOOO with you. I told my friend the other day in the mall that many of the women sporting billboard ass sweats have no business, whatsoever. I think instead of "Pink" someone should make some sweats that say "Wide" or "Large" or "Work In Progress." Those would be funny!
Tom Cornett: Care to share?? I think you might have an idea for a hub of your own! ~mh
R. Blue: Have fun at Karaoke night! ~mh
Goldentoad: I have served my purpose today. I live to apall!
Fortunerep: U are funny :-) Thanks for reading!
MH....already did on my hub"I was 17 and she was 49" I put it on a few days ago and already have almost 700 hits. Go figure?
note that my daughters and I wear the same size, that is why I have hot mama ass pants. I went into my daughters room to find a pair of jeans, she had a pair with coogi in sequins across the rear. Imagine me walking around with those on.
Just becuase they fit, don't mean you gotta wear em.
Where did you find that old picture of your Aunt Debbie? LOL
Very informative and its interesting to see how women view each other, its always a competition amongst girls but in the end...doesnt everybody want some!!!!, I love women...!!!!!
Mom, Mike said the same thing. We were howling!
Albertovich, thanks for reading. I love a man who is a fan of women! Visit me anytime!
hmmm. my defition is more contemporary and I suppose crude, ie: MILF, mothers I love to f88k; and GILF is grandmothers I love to f88k. I live with the latter of course. Cougers were in my past. Fancy one wearing a bra like yours to write this. hehe I of course have loved them all.
cc- you ol horn dog, leave those gilfs alone!
CC: LOL - Your definitions are definitely more literal. . .and I agree with them, entirely. Just wasn't sure how much I could get away with on HubPages, though I am constantly pushing the limits. . .
GoldenToad: You trying to tell me you wouldn't go there with Granny Hot Gams pushing the Hoover? LMAO!
Ol' granny up there has some knockers too toad. LOL not bad son. MH what are you hiding behind that screen? yer not so bad yerself. hehe
CC, you so crazy. LOL!
This coming from a Mom who by every definition is a MILF. lmao.
I love everything about it, again, its all true. As for the GILF, god help us all.
Toad still would love to get a hold of granny up there. LOL
MH~ Too damn funny! I hate the words across the ass thing too, but my latest beef is with these stupid women that are about 40, and wearing daisy dukes and spike heels. Gimme a break. I wouldn't wear that crap when I was 20. Great Hub!
Alright I'm mortified. I just got a comment from some 19 year old on myspace saying that I was MILFtastic. I'm not sure what bothers me more that I'm suddenly considered "older" or that a 19 year old thinks he'd like to, you know.
That Wikipedia definition for MILF was "sanitized". The real definition is "Mother I'd Like (to) F****". That assumes "hotness". A MILF can be of ANY age -- from 15 to 50 (whatever). A MILF is in the eye of the beholder -- she may or may not be on the prowl, as a Cougar is.
The Cougar definition you quoted was fine.
GILF? Let's see, if a girl has a kid at 15, and the kid has a kid at 15, then the first girl is a grandmother, and could be either a MILF or a GILF. ;-)
Very funny...loved it :D thanks for the laugh!
Dabeaner: He should have done his research. I have no children yet so I guess I'm neither. Whew!
LOLz, very witty & amusing hub. U r indeed the motherhubber ;)
This hub made my day! Thanks for the information...and the laughs!
LOL -- I know a young chap who was with more than one cougar - he bought a boat and I told him to name it cougar bait!
Okay - where are the females looking for a DILF --
I wonder "are I one?" .... a DILF I mean!
LOL
Who knows!
Did you make up GILF? Woah. Ha,ha. I kid my wife about being a cougar. She's one year older. I have a beatiful pic of a cougar in my bathroom....just so she won't forget! Nice job! By the way, which one are you?
You know the trend is already a parody of itself when there's a TV show devoted to it! I'm sorry, but I just cannot allow myself to watch The Cougar. On the other hand, I used to watch The Real Housewives of Orange County and those chicks all prided themselves on being MILFs. Gotta wonder what their husbands think of that (don't answer that question-- the hubbies are no doubt thrilled to know their trophy wives are considered so hot).
In the end, tho, isn't it about time that women claim their sexuality in the same way men always have? Why is it ok for 40 something man to rob the cradle but not for a 40 something woman to do the same thing? I guess it comes down to: If you got it, flaunt it. But try to maintain at least a modicum of self-respect!
Great idea for a hub and your humor really shines!
I agree with you, MM. What I want to know is why didn't I have any hot female teachers seducing me when I was in high school? Kid's have everything these days!
I agree with albertovich: "its always a competition amongst girls but in the end...doesnt everybody want some!!!!" I am by the way, largely considered a MILF/cougar in my mid 40s but not because I go around seeking prey.I guess it's because I work out, take care of myself, and look young without needing botox, nips or tucks, and even if i were to do that one day, who cares. Albertovich, I guess just looking good can bring out cattiness among women. Sigh....Do men do this too?
MILF & GILF have been around for a while. Althought I believe the correct description for the synonyms are "Mom I'd Liketo F" and "Grandmother I'd Like To F" >=)
I know several attractive GILF's that are in their 30's. They ended up having grandchildren from their teenage daughters that seemed to have followed in their very own footsteps lol, thus making them a GILF! =P
i like this hub, it reminded me of my favorite saying:
"Ice Cold Milf And An Oreo Cookie...."
True, the article was very funny, but honestly, not much truth there. Many of my friends are single women in their early to late forties, but not cougars or MILF's. I met my better half while having an ice cream alone one evening after a days work, in scruffy jeans, helmet hair (was on my motorcycle), no make up, no jewels (don't wear them) . We clicked and have been dating seriously for a year this month. He did all the chasing. I don't go to bars or outings, just a regular good looking NATURAL woman who likes the outdoors..and a comfortable pair of jeans. My man is almost 12 years younger than me, and no, he's not with me for the $$ (he has a good paying job, house everything..and so do I. We have a love of many common things, including outside activities, esp, 4 wheelers, snowmobiles and motorcycles.. and to be honest, I have always been pursued by younger men, never went out looking for them, God forbid in a bar! Don't wear designer clothes, or anything fancy. So, some men (younger men) are attracted to good looking ladies who are natural and have brains and a good personality!! Seems you didn't mention anything along these lines! I've been on the internet dating sites and more younger men would approach me than men my age or 5-7 years younger..go figure that. lol
hello kmartel ah finally, a kindred soul. dating someone 16 years younger (exactly the gap between demi/ashton, my god). prior to that, was being pursued by similarly-aged guys. without any effort on my part--even as i continue to work out, eat healthy, i dont have acrylic nails or whatever so called "hallmarks" of a cougar/milf or whatever. my guy calls me a milf, my friends say i should wave the cougar flag high and all that...sure i get jokes about it, how i seem to be a magnet for younger guys...without trying. ah well...c'est la vie.
This is a real riot! LOL! If only I could see them clearly around the soccer fields, I could perhaps join the crowd... *ahem*
yes, I think the correct definition is a bit too hot to print - Duck for cover
Kmartel and Vivian,
I think it's great that you two are happily involved with younger men. More power to you! I also appreciate that you were able to see the humor in the article and not be offended by it. Of course it's just an observational piece, and meant to be funny. Not every older woman dating a younger man can be so easily and cattily categorized :-) Thanks for being good sports.
This was a great read! We need some acronyms for men now!
For you ladies, I volunteer myself as a "GILF" for you -- the "G" standing for "GEEZER".
he .. he .... wonderful .....
We can all thank this whole "MILF" obsession with two things. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher's relationship (which is solid though it got turned into a circus) and "American Pie." This will all fade away soon enough. Its nothing that new but its been blown up to the 9th degree
Thoroughly enjoyed your review and the humor. I'd love your input on my cougar hubs. Could use your perspective. Thanks and keep it up.
I thought MILF actually stood for "Mother I'd Like To F***k" (that's what the Aussie men say anyway).
Mother Hubber am surprised you can actually write so well even with a bee in your bonnet.All I could possibly do is wriggle n shake (what is left of)my booty till the damn thing exits.Just kidding.
All said and done MH you have done a real fine job.I'm gonna scan this hub n put in on my mobile so that I can check out my neighbourhood for prospective MILF's n Cougars in the local version.Back home we call them Aunties.
Take a look at the number of Aunty hubs over here and you'll know India has come of age and is flourishing in the MILF-Cougar department.
Thanks a ton once a again for this tongue in cheek blast that you provided us.Hope the bee is no longer pestering you in the bonnet any longer.
The Lip
LOL Gilf - I too wouldn't know what to write!! Funny Hub - good job!
very good , yes the word on the ass pants are a problem
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men are dorks says:
6 months ago
wow, you have a great sense of humour, i loved this.