Magic Of Making Up In Review

Ending a relationship is one of the most emotionally charged decisions anyone is faced with. Too many relationships are left to drag on because the person wanting a finale just hasn't the courage to tell their partner.

This leads to tell tale signs of discontent and the truth is, unless someone is completely "blind" to the fact that they are about to be dumped, these signs are usually picked up.

Have you been in this situation? How did you feel when it was you that had to make the decision. Or how did you feel when you knew the "axe" was about to drop on your relationship? But it's important to acknowledge that not every relationship that has problems needs to end.

Those that do include:

- abusive situations
- when both partners are obviously no longer in love

Now we didn't put cheating in that list because ending a relationship over cheating can still be regarded as a little presumptious. Questions such as what was the reason someone strayed need to be looked at.

Cheating is often a symptom of something more serious. There is usually something within the relationship that is not working or hasn't been working for a long time. Many people cheat yet are still very much in love with their partner. They don't want their relationship to end.

Ending A Relationship

Okay, let's look at ending a relationship the right way and what you should avoid doing. This is akin to ending relationship etiquette if there is such a thing.

#1. Avoid playing games... nobody likes to break up with someone. That's normal, but there's a temptation to try and make the other person do the dirty work in ending a relationship. Mostly subconsciously, we pick fights and play games to try and antagonize the other person into breaking up with us.

#2. Be there in person... breaking up is a very painful experience for both parties. It is very tempting to bring the relationship to the end by email or phone or, these days, text message. That way, you don't have to see the look on their face or if you leave a message, without even talking to him.

#3.  Be completely honest with your partner... you need to tell the other person exactly why you are ending the relationship. This isn't easy, because they will have tendency to try and talk you out of it, but the truth is that lying to them about the reasons doesn't help either of you. Be honest, even if they don't want to hear it.

History is your biggest advantage in your quest to win ex boyfriend back. In other words, if you are still stuck on your ex boyfried despite being apart for sometime and you just heard he may be dating someone else don't panic, all is not lost.

History is something you have and she doesn't so if the door hasn't been shut then you are still in with a strong chance. We're under no circumstances suggesting you charge head long into this and confront either your ex boyfriend or his new date; now is a time to be calm and work on yourself.

The reason you don't want to be hasty in making a decision to try and woo him back is this may be an impuslive instinct on your part and could have been injected simply because you know someone else is on the scene.

So reflect and think about your relationship history with him and analyze one very important aspect - how good were the "good times" you had together and why did you break up. To win back an ex boyfriend, think reality first and weigh up the bad times which would have eventually led to your relationship demise. Is it worth going through those again?

Do You Really Want To Win Back Your Ex Boyfriend?

#1. If you're not sure, before you go full on trying to win ex boyfriend back, ask a good friend who will tell you the truth and not only what you want to hear. Weigh up what your friend says and what you honestly know and feel and then make your decision about what you want to do.

#2. If what you discover is that certain aspects of your behavior were primarily to blame for the break down in your ex relationship, then you need to find ways of amending that behavior. There's no point in trying to get back together with your ex if the reason he left you is still staring you both in the face. So deal with what needs to be dealt with on your part before you make any real attempt at reconciliation.

#3. Assuming that you decide to go ahead and try and get your ex boyfriend back, you then need to make contact with him. Call him and ask if you can meet up with him somewhere neutral. Don't let it sound as though you are going to drop anything too heavy on him because you don't want to frighten him off at this point.

#4. To win ex an boyfriend back make sure that when you meet him, you explain to him that you have thought long and hard about what happened in your relationship. You have done some work and sorted yourself out and you have found that you still have really strong feelings for him. Tell him you'd like another chance.

#5. Give him the space to explain how he feels and what he wants. Don't get emotional or angry if you don't hear what you want to hear. If you need to give him time to think things over, then do that. Don't rush him, just leave and wait for him to call you. With any luck, you'll get the call you want and you'll be back together.

When a couple breaks up emotions run high and in the short to medium term at least, it's usually the bad memories which dominate thoughts. But after time, these bad memories may get pushed into the background while the good times join the thought process.

Where are we going with this? Well, one of the most asked questions we've seen across our desk lately is does my ex want me back? Usually it's a question which contains both a little hope and trepidation.

Hope that a fire that once existed can be re-ignited and trepidation that it had an unhappy ending and do I really want to go there again. But the truth is, when twp people develop a bond then it's one that's extremely hard to break despite both parties having moved on.

Does My Ex Want Me Back...Really?

So what should you do if your ex is showing interest in you again. The answer is simply nothing. That's right...nothing. Stop and think for a minute. Why the renewed interest? Is There an ulterior motiff? Are they trying to get back at you for something or is it simply because they are lonely with no other prospects on the horizon and you are a good bridge for the short term?

In other words, don't jump the gun and appear to be desperate and needy. If they are showing the interest then play a little hard to get but keep it moderated. You don't want them jumping through impossible hoops and chasing them off but it's a way to satisfy your curiosity and find out what they are really up to.

One reason for the renewed interest could be simply that you have been hard to get. Have you stayed in touch with them? Do you play in the same friends circle? Think back and concentrate on any discussions you've had since the break up. Were they brief? If so and you kept them brief then this is like playing hard to get and attractive for many in that they suddenly want something they can't have.

There is also the strong chance that this is just the fall-out from the break up. After the dust has settled, it's quite natural for people to miss each other and this could be simply part of that phase.

Or, your ex genuinely does want to get back together. Can you see how foolhardy it would be to simply accept the first invitation of a get together when there are plenty of questions to be answered.

Advice...take it slowly; learn from the mistakes you made first time around and make sure you don't jump back into a relationship without a little intel.

So why is it human nature to want what we can't have? It's a strange phenomenom and for those in relationships, it applies more than ever.

A relationship which drags on without either partner doing much to keep the chemistry alive is a one way street to the scrap heap. But it happens over and over again and then, when the bubble finally bursts with one or the other declaring they want out, suddenly the urgency is rediscovered by the person spurned and it then becomes a race to get their ex back.

It's called getting into the comfort zone of a relationship and really, there is a fine line between being together and being apart. Sometimes it takes a jolt such as being dumped to realize what you've lost and if you're in this situation don't despair, there are things you can do to win back your ex.

One of the more controversial books written on the subject of how to get your ex back is The Magic Of Making Up. In it, author T W Jackson outlines a series of techniques that spurned lovers can adopt to get back in favor with their ex.

One of the more controversial of these is a method where the person dumped basically does nothing other than agree that separating is the best course of action. In fact, a person should go as far as to declare that they we're also thinking about the same thing and then just walk away.

But they're not really walking away. In fact, what they are actually doing is planting themselves on higher ground and turning the situation back in their favor.

It gets back to what we we're talking about earlier in wanting what you can't have. It affects both people in a break up. The person spurned who suddenly is confronted with the situation of losing the person they love after being dumped. Yet, by keeping their head and thinking on their feet by using the tactic above, this person can also create the same sense of loss in the ir partner by declaring it's best for all concerned if they separate.

Can you see where this is leading? Now there are two reactions possible here. One is a reaction of anger from the "dumper" who has their ego dented by this response or, they could develop a sudden bout of respect for the person they're giving the marching orders to because they didn't get the "Linda Blair type reaction in The Exorcist."

T W Jackson didn't endear himself to many of the so called relationships experts because of the techniques revealed in The Magic Of Making Up but the good news is they aren't the same predictable techniques being taught by the majority.

Jackson says he has the testimonials to prove what he preaches works and says people just need to have the strength of their convictions to maintain composure during and after the "execution."

The biggest mistake someone who's just been dumped can make is to panic. In other words, they react in such a way which is deemed abnormal behavior. To answer the question of how to get my ex back, then a cool head must prevail.

Being spurned has got to be one of the most emotionally charged experiences a person can go through because it combines feelings of hopelessness with low self esteem. However, if you have just been given your marching orders or are on the outer in your relationship then there are things you shouldn't do before you can even think of winning back your ex.

Control your feelings of desperation because if you don't, then you run the risk of pushing your ex further away. Here are some of the actions which you need to keep in check.

1. Arguing about the break up. Sure your ego has taken a hit but remember, the last person she/he wants around at the moment is you so control the urge to argue and just give them a little space.

2. Contacting them to soon after the break up. Many seem to think this is just a passing phase and their ex will soon come to their senses. But the reality is, if they felt strongly enough to spurn you then this is really a serious situation and they need to be in a "you free zone" for the time being.

3. Avoid harassing your ex with phone calls or text messages. When people are spurned they'll look for any excuse to get in touch with their ex just to make contact. For the reasons mentioned above, the truth is, they just don't want to hear from you right now.

4. Avoid telling your ex they have made a big mistake and they are wrong. It doesn't matter what you say, they don't want to know. This is not the best time to reason with somebody who has just made the decision to dump you.

5. Acting wimpy. This is a mistake that guys in particular make and it's unnactractive behavior. Resist telling your ex how sad and lonely you are or how depressed you're feeling. Instead, an upbeat attitude and personality as if things have never been better is a better course of action.

6. Avoid being apologetic all the time. This is close to acting wimpy and again, it's very unattractive.

7. Feeling hard done by and looking for sympathy. If she/he felt strongly enough about dumping you then they are really not going to care right now how you're feeling.

The bottom line is, you need to get back on solid ground. The above behavior will only serve to get you despised and in many instances, it borders on stalking-style behavior.

Making an effective apology is crucial in making up with your ex but what is an effective apology?

Simply saying sorry is not enough. Obviously we're assuming you are in the wrong and deserved to be dumped but remember, this doesn't mean you're being ex-communicated from a relationship for good.

Many times there is a cooling off period and this is when you need to keep your cool and not do anything rash. By rash we mean not resorting to arguing, test message terrorism or phone call terrorism. Obviously if you're on the receiving end of a dumping your ego wants to come into play and you want to prove to your partner they are making a big mistake.

But remember, if being dumped is tough on you then it's just as difficult for your ex to make the decision to break up with you.

So what is an effective apology? T W Jackson says in The Magic Of Making Up that the biggest aspect of apologizing to your ex effectively centers around that seven letter word called sincere.

An insincere apology will kill any chance of reconciliation. Let's take a look at what we mean and give you an example of an insincere apology.

A sincere apology could go something like this... "Honey, I'm so sorry. You were absolutely right in asking me to leave and I feel ashamed. I truly would like to repair the damage I've done."

That sounds pretty sincere doesn't it? Now let's add just one word to this apology and then see whether it stands up to any sincerity scrutiny.

"Honey, I'm so sorry. You were absolutely right in asking me to leave and I feel ashamed...BUT you've got to admit, it wasn't all my fault. You had something to do with the way I behaved."

That one word "but"...just made you're apology insincere. It suggests you have no concerns at all for the way your ex feels and are simply just trying to vindicate your own situation. Not very sincere is it.

The apology is like the final hurdle in making up with your ex. All of the good work you've done previously by following techniques outlined in The Magic Of Making Up will count for absolutely nothing if you don't get the apology right.

Okay, your relationship has just ended and your feeling confused, panicked and desperate. That's natural especially if you are the one who has been spurned.

So what can you do? T W Jackson wrote in The Magic Of Making Up that your biggest ally when you first get dumped is to take some time out.

The problem is, most don't and will want to stick around and force the issue and argue, constantly be on the phone to their ex trying to get an explanation or harassing their ex's friends and family trying to get some sort of reason or glimmer of hope that they will be taken back.

Can you see the problem here. You were dumped for a reason or reasons. One of those is your ex wants some time out themselves to clear their head and assess the relationship. If you are constantly hounding them, then they are simply not getting this free time and you will actually be tightening the noose on your relationship.

Wisdom From The Magic Of Making Up

So why would Jackson suggest to take some time out in The Magic Of Making Up when your first instinct is to do everything in your power to get your ex back?

Well, just like your ex needs time out from you, you also need time out from them and the relationship. You really should think about detaching yourself from the relationship for at least a month.

"What! A month you declare. Are you insane?"

You see, for now your relationship is over. One of the reasons Jackson makes a strong case for taking time out is for you to assess whether your relationship and your ex are worth fighting for or whether it's better to let it go and move on.

Positives And Negatives

Look at the positives and negatives of the relationship. There were obviously good aspects of it just as there were bad. Sit down and grab a notepad and pen. Make two columns and simply name them "negatives" and "positives."

In the positives column list things such as what it was about your ex that attracted you to them in the first place and what qualities they have which always makes you take a second look.

In the negatives column you do the opposite. What is it now about your ex that you don't like? Did you differ on certain aspects of life? Did you disagree about having children? Did either you or your ex hate going out? Did you dislike each other's friends.

By now you will have developed a strong list in both columns. So what's the purpose of doing this?

The Magic Of Making Up is such a strong relationship repairer because before you even get into the techniques of getting your ex back, you need to establish whether the relationship has a future and that you won't be back on the outer somewhere in the not too distant future.