How not to find a mail order bride
75
Mid life crisis with a mail order solution?
I am edging towards 40, single, in debt, and losing hair at an alarming rate.I can't afford an American woman. Not emotionally nor financially am I able to satisfy a woman of this culture so therefore I have turned to what else? NAFTA. I figure I should act quickly before the dollar falls even more and I am stuck with a Canadian amputee or worse yet a French hermephodite. I have always been fond of women with accents whether they be Japanese, Russian or just a Saturday night slur. So knowing G. Bush has plans to send me back some of my money in hopes that it will stimulate the economy, I began to research my options.
So I Google "mail order bride"
I looked through my large stack of unopened mail hoping I missed the flyer for the sping sale on Korean imports but had no luck. I figured maybe "mail order" is an archaic term and that the internet would be a better resource so I googled " mail order bride". The search returned 283,000 hits. Obviously there are plenty of other American men who feel that cheese isn't the only thing that should be imported. I clicked on one of the sponsored ads and was taken to a page that was quite informative. They offer " tours" of different countries such as Russia, Ukraine, Columbia, Costa Rica and Peru. I envision a hayride through the pumpkin field where you just point out the one you want and the wagon stops but I assume it is a little more complicated than that. They list the prices as follows:
City Departure Date Price Costa Rica Tour Mar 6 $1495 Odessa Tour Mar 19 $4095 PeruTour Mar 20 $1595 Peru (without hotel) Mar 20 $795 Peru/Macchu Picchu Mar 20 $2495 Davao Philippines Mar 27 $2195
Odessa is in the Ukraine, which is cold. If I am going to window shop for a future wife I don't want to see her in a parka slaughtering a walrus, I would much rather do it sipping coconut drinks wearing a hawaiian shirt. That leaves me with Peru or Costa Rica. Phiippino mail order brides are so 80's so I am striliking them off the list also. Peru sounds much more exotic , Peruvian rolls off the tongue much easier than Costa Rican ...I will explore there. Checking out the rest of the page I find that they even offer a lawyer to ease the transition:
When you become serious with your special someone, and need assistance with bringing her to the U.S. then contact attorney Mrs Jones.
Due to her expertise in both Russian and U.S. law, as well as being a Russian bride herself, Mrs. Jones is highly
qualified to assist you and your fiancee through the visa process.
So maybe if you involve a lawyer BEFORE the marrige you can avoid all of the messy stuff like divorce papers, paternity tests and identity fraud.
So I have settled on my location, and found legal help....it is all shaping up well so I continue researching.
Let her know you are thinking about her, when you are away. Thoughtful gifts are always appreciated by Russian, Latin,and Asian women and brighten their day. Roses, candy, and beauty supplies are just a few of the choices.
Well this does seem to be the proper thing to do. I mean what Peruvian woman wouldn't appreciate some M&M's and Mabelline?
In many of our Russian and Ukrainian tour cities, English classes are available for your special someone. Many of our Latin American and
Asian offices offer English classes as well These English courses are
intense and will give your foreign woman conversational ability in
English. Having good English skills will make a favorite impression
with immigration personnel as well as easing the transition to living
in a English speaking country
Now this one I don't know about. Maybe I don't want her speaking english. Maybe head nodding and pointing will suffice. Come to think of it I may even try to save a few bucks and find a mute Peruvian. This way when we do get married I can get a tax break And a handicapped parking sticker.
Time to learn about Peru, my soon to be inlaw land
Many of the same adjectives used to describe the women in other Latin American countries, such as beautiful, friendly, and laid back can be
unquestionably applied to Peru women. These women are very inviting, warm, and at ease with the world. As you spend time with them, you will think to yourself "what a refreshing change".A change? you mean a change from the American women ....does this mean I won't hear " what the F are you looking at" in spanish?
The impression that Lima women have of foreign men is that they are faithful, honest, polite, and kind-hearted. They want men who will love
and respect them. They also look for a man who will take care of his wife and children.Check Check Check and Check....it is almost like they were writing to me!
Peru women look at your character and soul first, before yourappearance or financial attributes. These women require your
faithfulness to them in return for their total commitment and love.They want to be the most important part of your life, and you mayexpect the same from her.my character and soul before appearance and finances?....This is true love wrapped in a burrito I can tell.
The vast majority of Lima women are Catholic, and because of this,there is a much lower divorce rate than in North America or Europe. The
women do their best to make their marriage work in spite of whateverproblems occur.See, I won't need that Russian lawyer afterall....
Okay at this point I am sold. Now I must find her, my Peruvian Princess. So I browsed the profiles and came up with a crop.
|
|
Lindex pink bikini Sets 12A 12B 14A 14B 16A 16B & M L
Current Bid: $3.33
|
|
|
LEGO SPONGEBOB 3833 & 3834 KRUSTY KRAB & BIKINI BOTTOM
Current Bid: $109.50
|
|
|
MAGIC SHAVE PUBIC BRAZILIAN BIKINI LEG HAIR REMOVAL wax
Current Bid: $12.97
|
|
|
LEGO 3834 SPONGEBOB GOOD NEIGHBORS AT BIKINI BOTTOM NEW
Current Bid: $39.99
|
So after viewing the viable candidates I fill out the form
The application was quite complicated and extensive. I had to supply my intentions, my personal information, financial status and several photographs.. After waiting several days I was emailed a list of candidates that they felt were better suited for me.
|
|
DATING RUSSIAN WOMEN GUIDE - THE MAIL ORDER BRIDE BIBLE
Current Bid: $29.99
|
|
|
DATING RUSSIAN MAIL ORDER BRIDES GIRLS WOMEN WEBSITE NR
Current Bid: $.99
|
|
|
MAIL ORDER BRIDE Ivana Milicevic russian girls NEW DVD
Current Bid: $3.69
|
Perhaps there is another option
Maybe I can find a companion that doesn't require a visa, a lawyer, english lessons, roses and expensive bubble bath. A friend that will be happy just watching the waves break on the beach and like me for who I am...my soul and my character......
See more at Funnebone.com
Subscribe to me
- How to make your stripper girlfriend presentable to your family
So you've found The One? while tipping a 5$? You won't find this in Maxim magazine. Playboy won't tell you how to do this.!So your new girlfriend is a stripper, dancer, exotic entertainer, circus freak or whatever you may want to call it. How do you introduce her to your family and tell them you date her? Very carfefully.humor][religion][humor article][writer wanted][freelance writer][will ferrell][laughing][jokes][funny movie][tv][best funny][funniest blog][funniest site] - 2 years ago
- The Evil Mytwinn and American girl dolls , why buy a lifetime of hell?
[my twinn] [american girl] [twin doll][girls dolls][dolls][toys for girls] [birthday gifts]gift for daughter] [gift for child][funny blog][satire][comedy central][mad tv][funny movie][funny story][funny writer][humor blog][evil toys][evil dolls][[bad toys][for girls][[christmas][easter] - 2 years ago
- A Funnebone Guide for Women: How to Improve Your Sex Life
Bad sex can kill a first date. There is nothing worse than dropping $8.95 at Red Lobster only to find out that your date is as sexually stimulating as a the towel isle at Walmart. In today's society there is... - 16 months ago
- Three Hot Chicks You Should Avoid
Finding a hot woman and figuring out how to date a hot woman are difficult tasks. Online dating, blind dating and drunk dating are like shooting in the breeze. There are some hot women you should avoid. - 4 months ago
- What is the meaning of this tattoo
And to be honest, I don't care for tattoos. The only interest I have in tattoos is why exactly did someone pick that particular tattoo design. I am often amused by the silly meaning or way too deep... - 10 months ago
- Understanding the Seven Sins of the Modern Society A Funne Guide
Need a dose of religion in an understandable way? Funnebones guide to the seven sins will help you get one step closer to GOD but you still have a long way to go. - 2 years ago
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
Hey that Yak is actually an alpaca...and that is thr future Mrs Alpaca to you buddy
NICE!
U LIKE TO HAVE SEXY TIME?
only with that steamboat of a hairy man you call a manager...
stumbled upon this...It's hilarious!! Thanks for the smile =)
Very funny!
Hilarious!
i like it a lot! thank you for a good laugh!
Very amusing!
I am thoroughly entertained.
that is hilarious! great hub!
thumbs up on this one. Good for you!! funny stuff, I have a seamstress that loves wedding dresses if you change your mind
LOL!!!! The picture of the llama with the what looks like a Mr. T haircut had me laughing. Funny hub! I gave your hub a thumbs up rating.
LMBO! True love wrapped up in a buritto!!!!! And the Alpaca is adorable. I am sure you two will make the perfect couple! LOL Great hub. Thanks for the laughs!
P.S. If it doesn't work out with the Alpaca, you can always go back to russianlovematch.com and take your chances. Just be sure to get all your shots first! LOL
Bonnie
sounds like he went to afa.com. plenty of successful men go overseas to meet a serious woman. if you want useful information instead of reading about mail order brides (which dont exist)...then visit my profile
Dude, you take yourself way to serious.....can you "not mail me" a ukranian nympho ?
it is entertaining sure. however, doesn't it suck that every guy that goes to costa rica, russia, kiev, bulgaria, asia, etc.... and brings a woman back is considered a mail order bride? they didn't order them on the internet..they met them through a dating service or out at a club or bar.
if a woman does this is it ok? you never hear of a mail order husband. but women meet men overseas all the time.
hopefully this doesn't deter anyone from traveling and meeting nice women.
enjoyed your post. yes the "mail order brides" are looking for that simple, kind man. he must have at least a faint pulse, from 18- 100 years of age. they are not concerned with superficial things, like hair, teeth, weight, high iq, or wonderful general health. however the potential husband they seek, must be healthy in one area... the financial area. the prospective brides seek a man able to have kids, so once bound, you can never really get free. after a short interlude, and hopefully a child, the greencard arrives, the bride departs. what does your post teach us? never search for a wife in a 3rd world country, and the canine is truely the most loyal friend to man! well done!
v funny thanks i need a laugh!
Very funny.
Donna
I don't know...the chick in pink lounging on the couch looked kinda hot;>
yeah, nothing pulls on my heartstrings more than a 3 o'clock shadow!
I love your humor.
My two Cents worth...
This is hilarious! I passed it along to several people, who also enjoyed it. I've written a satiric hub on a different topic, if you care to check it out
Haha - this might be my favorite hub of all-time!
Yes, the inevitable divide of American men who import thier women. They are exotic, completely without a will of thier own, and will wash your feet after a long day. Now if you could only figure out what they are saying?
ummm who cares what they are saying?.....I bet " take the trash out fatass" yelled in spanish sounds sexy
Great stuff man. I laughed pretty frigen hard on this one. I hope that the chick with the attitude doesn't go and ran on my picnic. I was poking fun of Obama and she sounds like a Democrate. Soft hearted liberals. Just kidding don't shoot me hippies I'm a tree lover to. Not so much anymore because of all the splinters but once when I was young and needed the money I made this video that I regret now. Oh well what's done is done.
We will save the Obama bashing for another HUB my friend! Thanks for your support.
Funny! :D
Funnebone, you are too funny. This hub is hilarious. I have heard stories of mail order brides actually running away from their suitors upon arriving at the airport, so be careful out there.
thats why it's best to chain em to the basement and torture them regularly. if you get an amputee it makes it more difficult for them.
Enjoy your sense of humor as always brudda. I think I did the pee pee dance just a little laughing at this one. Good stuff man, I'm passing this onto all my buddies, I'm laughing my ass off right now shareing it with my wife. Even my son is laughing hysterically right now.
Very well written
Great laugh, and this comment made me laugh even louder
"RyanRE says: I have heard stories of mail order brides actually running away from their suitors upon arriving at the airport, so be careful out there."
Oh yes and there are mail order husbands too. Check them out (and run!) at
http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/
;) ;)
Ha that is a great link thanks..is that how you ended up in Crete?
Yes I was running away from my mail order husband & ended up with a Cretan husband instead. Could be worse!
ahhahahaha i am laughing all the way to the post office. =) how does one choose?
You are hilarious! Next post should be about actually ordering that llama.
This was the most hilarious thing I've read in a long time! I loved this, thank u for the "shift" in my day. :)
This was the most hilarious thing I've read in a long time! I loved this, thank u for the "shift" in my day. :)
Thank you ladies....I am happy that my strugles to find love can give someone some enjoyment!
It is amazing how you use humor and information to tell your story. I love the tone! Everytime I read your writing, I chuckle my way to the end. Great stuff!
thanks ymarie, you seems to have a great sense of humor and a sexy half-a-face...would your family take a mule in exchange for your hand?
Ha! After all the money it cost to divorce my last mule...my dad would probably shoot me and the mule !!! But a cute offer, nonetheless!
divorced huh ( sucking in gut)
..yup y get married when u can get a yak, a dog, and a ferret!
So your best financial advice during an economic downturn is don't date, don't get married and don't have children.
Thanks for the laugh! There's a woman about town here that likes to tell stories about her great aunt who was a mail order bride (old-fashioned one that actually came via mail order catalogue.) Apparently she was fond of feeding the children rotten food and spitting in her husbands food... on the other hand that llama might be a good match. They can spit at the neighbors that keep stealing your Sunday paper! And if things don't go well you can always threatento turn them into a sweater.
Hilarious!
loved your post, as for a mail order bride story I wrote a memoir of my own, check out the link to visit my site
A small price to pay for happiness...



































godbluff says:
2 years ago
funny stuff, when you scroll through rto the end i lmao seeing the Yak? thanks for the laugh and the russian chick in the video was hilarious too, i bet she to make the fuck with you -peace