Making Marriage Simple

"Marriage is not as hard as most people make it out to be."

Now I'm sure that statement will create a buzz.

But I've been married for over 30 years and have seen a lot of marriages come and go. I love my wife and I love my marriage, so let's just say I have a bit of experience to pass on to those who are looking.

I find it very interesting that all the major media outlets report that the two biggest causes of divorce today are communications and money.

I differ greatly on those results. I believe the greatest cause of divorce is so hard to measure that nobody really tries. Maybe that is why it is seldom mentioned.

In my very humble, very experienced opinion, the number one reason why couples don't maintain that never ending honeymoon marriage relationship is FOCUS.

I just heard a big "WHAT?" coming from cyberspace.

Take a minute and think about it.

If you examine most marriages, you will find couples who are still very much in love, but extremely busy. In today's crazy busy world it doesn't take long to lose your focus on the things that made your dating and early days of marriage such a blast.

Why are we so busy? It is because life is different now than in your dating days.

Things like careers, kids, sports, hobbies and the list goes on, bombard our daily lives. In our dating and early marriage days, many of these things either didn't exist or didn't hold the same place of importance that we now give them. This vast array of big "stuff" has shifted our focus away from the small simple stuff that gave us that happy, giddy feeling during our dating days and in the early days of our marriage.

Couples want that never ending honeymoon feeling, but just can't figure out where it went.

The feeling left when your focused changed.

Go back with me a minute. Remember your best dates. What made them so great? The answer is focus.

In the dating days, your future spouse was sooooooo important to you that you managed to put off almost anything that came your way for the chance to spend time with them.

If you had a date on Friday night at 8:00pm, your focus was intense!!!!!

• Parents would call to have you over for a free dinner. "Sorry Mom and Dad, I've got a date."

• Friends would call with free tickets to see if you wanted to go to a ballgame. "No can do, I've got a date."

   

• Ed McMahon called to let you know you'd won a million dollars and wanted to deliver it at 8. "Sorry Ed, can we make it for another time? I've got a date with my future spouse and I won't let anything get in the way."

When you agreed to get together at 8:00pm on a Friday night, nothing short of a natural disaster could keep you from having that date.

So if you don't seem to have that never ending honeymoon feeling anymore, it is very likely the focus has shifted away from your spouse and has been replaced by some of the big "stuff" we mentioned earlier.

The solution?

Simple. Get the focus back.

It is not that hard to do. Just implement a few very basic, very simple things in your married life. Two of the most effective things I've found to keep our marriage fresh are quite simple.

Number one, we still to this day, after 30+ years together, schedule regular dates. Even if it is just once a month, pull out your calendars and schedule a fun date.

Number two, simply take 15 seconds to sincerely tell your spouse, "Honey, I really do love you". Make it sincere and make it different from the all-too-common courtesy "love ya" as you both head out the door in the morning. In other words, make it sincere and FOCUSED.

Yes I know this will sound too easy, but I challenge you to examine your marriage and see if you are consistently keeping the focus on each other with just these two simple action items.

If you can create a consistent focus on each other, then all the big "stuff" will seem much less important.

Doing the small simple things are easy ways to keep that focus alive and well in your marriage.

And when the focus is right, marriage is not nearly as hard as they make it out to be.

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