I'm a middle child. I have a wonderful older brother and an equally wonderful younger sister. I also have a wonderful adopted brother (I don't want to leave him out), but the rest of us were grown and gone before he blessed our family.

I've always had issues regarding my placement in the birthorder. Not that I had any say over it. I stumbled over an article recently that summarized birth order like this: Oldest children rule the world, youngest children want to fix the world. It characterized middle children as having better 'people skills,' tending to be the mediators. It also said middle children had the lowest earning potential. How's that for fair?

I wouldn't have paid credence to the article, other than the fact that our family seems to be the poster-family for birth order. My brother's a doctor, my sister's a missionary, and I'm a manager, constantly dealing with mediating between staff members. Hmmm...maybe I wasn't imagining all the slights I felt growing up, either.

It was never big things. My parents were wonderful, doing their best, but little things bothered me: both my brother & my sister at one point in time got the big bedroom with an attached bath. When I wanted it, it was still considered my brother's room, and I couldn't have it.

I never got the full attention of my parents. My brother was a star, both in school and on the football field. I was always "David's little sister." When he was being recruited for football, all I heard about was "David this, David that," from EVERYONE. My parents, my teachers, my friends, local newspapers... It wasn't that anyone ever said I wasn't good at stuff, just the praise I received paled in comparison to what he received. It was hard not to notice.

The same thing went with my sister. As soon as I stopped being "David's little sister" I became "Mary's older sister." She was an excellent basketball player, tall and beautiful and smart. My status was always relational to theirs. It was like I could never just be me.

I grew up with strong morals. If I hadn't, I probably would have acted out with alcohol and sex. I'm not just saying that--I was tempted to, but I could never actually follow through. But I did choose not to live up to my full potential because I was afraid of failure. I made a conscious decision at one point not to study hard, and to pay more attention to building friendships (hence, the good people skills) because "people matter more than grades." It was also because I didn't want to look like I was trying to be as smart or talented as my brother, and come up short. I didn't want other people's pity.

So, I've gone on about how middle-childhood sucked, but how has it been good for me? Well, I am great at mediating. In most situations I can calm people down, help them see the other side, and come to a compromise that works for everyone. I get along with just about anyone. I love people and I love trying new things. I am very flexible--I trust that things will work out in the end, so I don't worry about how to get there. I choose to conquer my fears rather than being ruled by them. I believe this is directly related to being a middle child. Everytime there was something my brother was too scared to try, I made sure I would do it first (baiting a fishing pole, catching a lizard, jumping out of a tree). This has affected my professional life. Everytime someone asks if I can do something, I don't hesitate to say that I can, even if I've never done it before, because I know I'm smart and capable enough to do things that scare me.

So...what tips do I have for other middle children? Take advantage of the people skills you will gain--getting along with people is a key to success. But, don't be afraid to set high goals for yourself, don't be afraid of failure or being compared to your sibling. If they've set a high standard, even better! Look at Peyton & Eli Manning--it must've been hard for Eli at first, always being compared to Peyton, but look at his success now! Try new things--middle children can be great entrepreneurs. They can pick up and move across the country for a great job. They can learn to skydive or rock-climb or throw pottery because they love trying new things. Most of all, recognize that your identity is not wrapped up in your brothers' or sisters'. You are your own person, so figure out what you like and dislike, and be proud of who you are.